Kiss Of The Butterfly
by Amanda Hawthorn
Summary: When Sara is snatched from them, the night shift begins a frantic search for her. GS WARNING Contains Season 4 finale spoilers
1. Default Chapter

AUTHOR: Amanda Hawthorn  
  
TITLE: Tears Of The Butterfly  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
PAIRING: Grissom/Sara  
  
CATEGORY: angst/eventual romance  
  
ARCHIVE: Grissomandsara.com and my site   
  
FEEDBACK: Love it, but no flames please I'm fragile!!  
  
EMAIL: southerngirlukyahoo.co.uk   
  
SPOILERS: season 4  
  
SUMMARY: Alternative season 4 finale. When Sara is snatched from them, the night shift begins a frantic search for her.

DISCLAIMER: CSI belongs to CBS and Alliance-Atlantis Productions. No infringement intended.  
  
AUTHORS' NOTES: This is an alternative ending to the season finale spoilers. The first quarter of the first chapter is based on spoilers and the rest is imagination.

Thanks as always to Marlou for her beta services and for everyone who reviewed my previous stories.

Copyright Amanda Hawthorn May 2004

Kiss of the Butterfly

Sara brought her Denali to a stop beside Nick's and waved at him through the side window. Despite the disappointments of the last few hours, Nick was still her friend and in some ways she was glad that he got the promotion that they had both applied for.

Taking a deep breath she turned off the engine and sat back in her seat for a few minutes to regain some kind of control over her roaring heartbeat. Nick deserved her to at least be happy for him, even if inside everything hurt. Her composure once more returned, she opened the door and climbed out to find both Warrick and Nick waiting for her.

"You okay girl?" Warrick asked in concern when she blinked at the early morning sun rising over the Vegas horizon.

"Would you quit asking me that," she smiled, stepping closer to link her arm through first Warrick's and then Nick's. "I'm fine about everything." Sara caught sight of Nick's mouth opening, ready to speak but she silenced him quickly. "Nick if you apologize to me once more for getting the promotion I am so gonna strangle you!"

"Okay, okay," he grinned, his Texan drawl seeping through his words.

"I'm having one beer with you guys and then I am heading home."

"Sure, of course, one beer," Nick nodded with a smile.

"Yeah one," Sara told him defiantly before pulling her arm from his to swat him with her hand. His smile was infectious and despite everything, she found herself smiling along with him and returned her arm into the crook of his.

"Well, what say we have a real celebration before shift tomorrow?" Warrick asked with a grin as he moved away from Nick and Sara to push open the bar door. "Us three, Greg, Gris and Cat?"

Sara stiffened with the mention of Grissom's name and tried to hide the movements by sliding her arm from Nick's. "I…I'll be busy."

"Come on Sar," Nicked whined as they walked inside the dimly lit bar. "I wanna celebrate with my best friends."

"And a party isn't a party without you girl," Warrick grinned.

"Okay, we'll see," she sighed, "but no promises."

"Good enough for me," Nick grinned, his head nodding towards Warrick. "What do you think bro?"

"Yeah, I take that as a definite yes!"

"A maybe," Sara insisted quickly.

"Yeah we heard ya," Nick ushered her towards a chair and sat down beside her. "Beer 'right?"

"Yeah, thanks." She watched her two best friends make their way over towards the bar and knew there was no way she was going to get out of this one. She plastered the fake smile to her lips the second they returned and took the beer gratefully from Nick's hand.

"So, what you got planned for today?" he asked her.

Sara lowered the rim of the bottle from her mouth and swallowed the bitter liquid down before she looked towards her friend. Asking for her daily events was something that she was unaccustomed to, so she looked him straight in the eyes and smiled. "I'm gonna sleep."

"Sleep? You?" Warrick grinned. "Since when do you sleep?"

"I sleep!" Sara protested, the smile fading from her face as she looked down wistfully into her beer bottle. How many times lately had she sought comfort in the bottom of a bottle only to have her momentary numbness dissipate as soon as she awoke again?

"Sara, what's going on with you girl? Why are you so down on yourself lately?" Shifting forward in his seat, Warrick leaned across the table to touch her arm.

For a few moments Sara could feel the tell tale sign of burning emotion rising up inside her throat; it'd been a long time since someone had actually cared enough to ask her how she was feeling. Forcing the pain down she swallowed heavily and looked up to meet Warrick's eyes. "I'm fine, just been a little run down lately, that's all."

"Sara, you've been looking like you lost your best friend for the last few months," Nick commented worriedly, "so don't say it's nothing."

"Guys, I'm okay." Placing the beer bottle on the table she sat back and pulled her arm from Warrick's grasp and stood up quickly. "Thanks for worrying about me but I'm fine. Really"

"Wait, you're leaving already?" Nick whined miserably and pulled her back down into her seat. "You at least have to finish your beer, those are the rules."

"Rules?" she asked incredulously, his warmth sending a wave of adoration to her heart.

"Yep, unspoken rules that no one is allowed to leave until they have finished their beer." His wide grin caught her eyes and he reached for her bottle and snatched it away before she could claim it. "No gulping, rules are rules!"

"No gulping," she repeated with a smile as she snagged her beer back.

Raising his beer, Warrick clanged his bottle against both Sara's and Nick's. "To friends."

"To friends," they repeated in unison.

Sara smiled to herself when she sat back into her seat to watch her two friends. Their light banter and warm affection towards her told her all that she needed to know. Even if she could never have the love of the man she wanted, then the love of her friends would sustain her, for now. Sighing heavily, she allowed herself to drift into the conversation and for the first time in a very long while, she felt like she belonged.

Outside, in the parking lot he waited for a glimpse of her. He knew the second he had seen her at the hospital that his lost angel walked again in another form. His brunette beauty had returned to him, her lithe figure and her smile calling to him from afar. 

He could recall the exact moment when he had caught sight of her at Dessert Palm. She was walking along the corridor, her arms folded across her chest looking unbelievably sad. He'd followed her down the corridor and hidden behind a drinks machine when she turned the corner to meet one of her work colleagues.

He could remember with perfect clarity the warm smile that she granted the dark haired man and her whispered name on his lips. For a moment he'd found himself transported back to the day he had taken the ultimate revenge out on Debbie and her lover. The rage had flowed through him once again as he witnessed the warmth that flowed between Sara and her colleague. Her beauty imprinted itself in his mind that day, her face haunting his dreams and he knew then that he would never be able to let her go.

Debbie had always loved him, he knew that, she'd just had a moment of weakness and only thought that her new lover was right for her. How could she have possibly known that the person who had always loved her the most would be the one to take her last breath away? 

But this woman wasn't Debbie; she was a carbon copy replacement for the woman he'd murdered, a second chance to clear his conscience, but soon the image of Debbie, the woman he had adored, slowly started to be replaced with images of Sara and he found himself thinking of her all the time.

He had followed Sara and her colleague out of the hospital and waited. When they walked over to a LVPD issued Denali, he was only mildly shocked to discover that the new woman he desired was in law enforcement. 

Without thinking, he'd raced towards them and called out Debbie's name, knowing that he could easily use the excuse to touch her as merely a mistaken identity. She'd turned and smiled warily, and at that moment he knew he had to have her. 

His hands grasped her arm and she'd instinctively pulled away from his touch. He recovered quickly and spoke Debbie's name again, but this time it was the younger man who answered and pulled his hand away from her arm.

"She's not interested pal, so back off."

"I'm sorry," he'd lied. "I thought you were Debbie. My mistake." Backing away, he saw the concern in the other man's eyes as he squeezed her shoulder, only to shoot a warning glare in his direction. That was when he'd first decided to make Sara his own.

Taking another gasp of air, Vincent Lurie watched her walk into the bar with two younger men, one he recognized from an earlier encounter, and instantly his jealousy piqued into roaring fire. Why did she continue to torment him this way? She mocked him by flaunting herself with other men. She could be cruel just like Debbie, he'd always known that, but she would learn that by loving him she had so much to gain. 

Driving his dark blue BMW to park two spaces away from her Denali, he waited, his anger burning in his veins. Visions of her arm in arm with two men sent his pulse rate into overdrive, but the anger was soon diminished when just under half an hour later his patience was rewarded as she came out of the bar alone. His breathing increased with the sight of her and he knew he had to have her, now.

Sara had no idea that a menacing force had been worshiping her every move for the last two months. Her mind swam with questions as she reached her Denali. She'd tried to swallow the aching betrayal that coursed through her veins, but so far she wasn't coping so well. 

A few hours ago she had learned that Nick had been recommended for the Lead CSI position, effectively taking the new promotion from her sights. That in itself wasn't what was causing her so much turmoil, but the fact that it was Gil Grissom who had been the one to deny her something that could have helped to numb the ache inside her was.

Sniffing back the emotion that had found its way into her eyes, she lifted a hand to swipe angrily across her face. Since when had Grissom shown her anything but displeasure over the last year or so? She knew she shouldn't feel so discouraged, after all she hadn't expected anything more than she had already received from him, but still, it hurt.

With a heavy sigh she fished her car keys out of her pocket only to drop them onto the floor with a loud clatter. This just wasn't her day. Everything that could possibly have gone wrong had gone wrong, and now both Nick and Warrick were convinced she was harbouring some bitter resentment because she wanted to avoid their little party. Groaning miserably, she stooped down to retrieve her keys unaware of the presence behind her. 

Without warning, something struck her from behind causing her to stumble. Before she could react, she felt a cold hand grab hold of her arm, her exposed skin instantly bruising at the force. She tried to turn around to fight back against her attacker and she almost succeeded in causing some damage herself, until the chloroform cloth was rammed against her mouth.

Lurie held her tightly against his body until she had stopped fighting. Her arms flailed defiantly, fighting against the grip that held her, but she couldn't battle against the anaesthetic drug invading her senses. When her arms fell limply to her sides and she collapsed into his embrace, he knew she had truly returned to him. Gazing down at her adoringly, he couldn't believe that he had almost forgotten how beautiful she was. Allowing himself a brief moment, he inhaled the scent of her hair and closed his eyes to remember this moment.

The bar door clattered open to bring him to his senses. Opening his eyes, he scooped her limp body into his arms and carried her quickly over towards his waiting car. Propping her body up between the trunk and his shoulder, he managed to pull open the back door to manoeuvre her unconscious form inside. 

"I have so much to show you sweetheart," he whispered softly as he ran a hand over her body before backing up so that he stood outside. Closing the back door, he pulled open his own and climbed inside only to look behind him to the sleeping beauty lying along the entire seat. "You sleep now."

Starting the engine he allowed himself to believe for the first time since he had seen her, that she was his for eternity, and that she loved him. Pulling out of the car lot he drove her away from this place, intending to show her how sorry he was for hurting her.

Twenty minutes later, Nick and Warrick emerged from the bar immersed in conversation. Warrick was the first to notice Sara's Denali still parked in the parking lot and stopped speaking mid-sentence.

"Nick, Sara's SUV."

Nick followed his eyes to see Sara's stationary Denali parked exactly where she had left it when they had first arrived here some fifty minutes ago. Wordlessly, they walked over towards the SUV, their silence marred by the thudding of their hearts.

"Sara?" Nick called urgently as he walked around the bonnet.

Warrick walked around the back to come around to the driver's side and stopped dead when his eyes focussed on something on the ground. Swallowing hard, he motioned to his friend. "Nick."

Nick looked up at him and walked quickly around to join him only to gasp when he spotted Sara's keys on the floor. "Oh God."

"I'll call Brass," Warrick breathed as he fished his cell phone out of his pocket.

Nick's eyes stared at the silver keys on the ground and felt his heart thudding inside his chest. Where was she?

"Brass," Warrick spoke shakily into the phone. "I'm with Nick at the cops bar, you've gotta get down here, it's Sara."

Satisfied with the reply he'd received he nodded silently and closed off the phone to rejoin Nick who was looking around the parking lot with worried eyes.

"She'll be okay Nick, Sara's tough."

"Then where is she?" Nick muttered hoarsely. "If someone has her, if someone…"

"Don't," Warrick snapped, shaking his head violently to shake off any thoughts that could visualize things that she could be going through right now. "Maybe she took a walk."

"And left her keys behind?" Nick asked incredulously, "No man, not Sara."

"Look, we can't just stand here." Warrick sighed, his own fear drowning out his heartbeat. "I'll take the perimeter."

"I'll take the SUV," Nick nodded; glad to be doing something other than waiting for Brass to arrive. Making his way back over to his Denali that was parked alongside Sara's he pulled out his kit and began to process the scene.

TBC


	2. 2

**Huge thanks as always to Marlou for her beta services ((hugs)) Also thank you to everyone who reviewed the first chapter, you guys are great.**

Chapter 2

By the time Brass had arrived, both Warrick and Nick were already well into CSI mode, only this time the supposed 'victim' was someone they knew.

"Okay, what have we got?" Brass asked worriedly.

"Sara left the bar twenty minutes ahead of us. When we came out her SUV was still here. No sign of Sara, only her keys on the floor." Warrick relayed the information in a daze, his investigator brain already immersed in fear.

"Oh God," Nick almost wailed from beside the drivers side of the Denali, his breath coming in gasps as he retrieved a crumbled Kleenex from beneath the tire with his tweezers. The sweet smell coming from the tissue was enough to tell him that they were looking at a kidnapping.

"What?" Warrick asked urgently as he came around to see what Nick had found.

The look in Nick's eyes was enough to cause worry to well up in his own. "Shit," he gasped hoarsely, "God, not Sara."

"I'll call Grissom," Brass told them, having seen enough to be sufficiently worried himself. Backing away from them, he pulled his phone from his pocket and turned away from the two younger men, hoping against hope that they were all wrong about this.

Back at the lab, Greg hovered in Grissom's office waiting for a reply to his question. "So, when will I know your decision?"

With a heavy sigh, Grissom looked up at the young lab tech and regarded him carefully. "You'll have your chance Greg, as soon as an opening becomes available."

Greg's shock quickly turned into elation as his lips upturned into a beaming smile. "Neat."

"I said when there's…" Grissom's cell phone started to ring halting his words mid-sentence sentence. Pulling his cell phone from his pocket he snapped it open. "Grissom."

Greg watched silently as his supervisor's face began to pale rapidly and resisted the urge to ask what was wrong.

"I'll be right there." Without warning, Grissom closed off the phone and shoved it inside his pocket and rushed out of the office leaving a stunned Greg in his wake.

Grissom's mind was racing as he drove out of the labs parking lot. Brass' message was brief, but the underlying urgency in his voice was enough to cause Grissom's own racing pulse into overdrive. The words 'Sara' and 'get here' were imprinted in his brain and it was all he could do not to panic. Something was seriously wrong and he dreaded to think what it was.

Driving on autopilot, Grissom pulled into the parking lot that adjoined the bar to see Brass talking to a group of police officers. Parking a little way behind Brass' car, he turned off the engine and climbed out of his Denali to silently scan the surrounding area.

Grissom's eyes focused on Sara's stationary Denali and the two men who were completing their grim task in their search of any evidence. His heart hammered loudly inside his ears when his scrutinizing gaze failed to turn up any signs of Sara, and only then did he start to feel his breath shudder inside his chest.

"Gil," Brass called as he approached him, his worried eyes holding a haunted look.

"What's going on Jim?" Grissom said quickly, his voice shaking.

"I'm sorry, Gil," Jim sighed sadly and turned to walk with Grissom towards Sara's Denali. "Warrick and Nick raised the alarm when they left the bar to find Sara's SUV in the same place she'd left it."

"Maybe she took a cab?"

"Her keys were on the ground," Brass waited for the information to sink in, watching for the inevitable collapse of the man beside him, but it never came.

"Okay, what else?" Grissom swallowed down the fear inside him and kept up his façade, knowing that if he gave in to his fears then he would be of no use to anyone.

"What else?" Brass asked in exasperation, "What else do you need? Sara is missing!"

The words seemed to hit Grissom like a punch to the gut and he stumbled slightly as he took a step closer towards Warrick and Nick. "No," he almost gasped, his voice etched with worry. "She's feisty, she'd never just…"

Nick stood up and regarded Grissom with his dark eyes. Part of him wanted yell accusations and inform Grissom as to why Sara was always so sad lately, but his own worry caused him to bite back the ache in his chest.

"Gris," Warrick held up an evidence bag containing the crumpled tissue that Nick had found on the ground. His voice dried up, choking him and his eyes met Grissom's with a deep sorrowful gaze.

"Did anyone see anything?" Grissom asked urgently, his eyes turning to Brass as he spoke. "Witnesses? Anyone?"

"No one saw or heard anything Gil," Brass sighed, his own frustration coursing through his words. "I have every available man on this."

"You mean to tell me that no one saw a beautiful woman taken almost certainly against her will? I don't buy that," Grissom stated, his fear mixing with a steadily growing urge to fight someone, anyone.

Nick dropped his eyes as he blinked away the moisture that had threatened to spill ever since he and Warrick had discovered that their friend was missing. Kneeling down, he caught sight of a tiny speck of something that was moulded onto the Denali door. Leaning over to his kit, he pulled out a swab and rubbed the tip over the spot and pulled it away to stare down at it worriedly.

"Nick?" Grissom asked quickly as he came closer to the younger man. He watched in morbid scrutiny, his jaw twitching silently while he waited as Nick tested the red stain on his swab for blood, and both of them gasped when the confirmation line indicated that it was.

"Oh God," Nick gasped, his voice echoing in his ears. "Blood…"

"Bag it and get it into the lab for testing," Grissom ordered, his voice suddenly hardening.

Nick looked at him as if he had grown another head. "What?"

"We need to know everything Nick; if that is Sara's blood we need to know." Grissom, in full investigator mode refused to listen to the protests from Sara's fiend and offered him a stern look that told him there was no room for discussion.

Warrick and Nick exchanged angry glances before Nick packed up his kit and stood up sharply. "See you at the lab."

Warrick watched Grissom with frustrated eyes and bit down on his tongue before a barrage of insults slipped from his mouth. Instead, he watched silently as Grissom knelt down on the ground and stared down at the concrete as if it would open up and speak to him.

"I should get her SUV back to the lab too," Warrick told him, his hand holding onto the evidence bag that held Sara's keys inside.

Grissom nodded silently, his eyes scanning the ground for anything that could offer the tiniest clue, the smallest hint to trace Sara's movements.

Vincent Lurie chanced a brief glance around him as he walked around the car to open the back door of his BMW. Sara was still unconscious in the back seat, her face ashen.

"Come sweetheart," he soothed lovingly as he reached in to pull on her jean clad legs. "Let's get you inside your new home."

Lifting Sara into his arms, he turned briefly to kick the door closed with his foot and started to carry his precious load towards the solitary house that stood proudly amongst the trees.

From the moment he had set his sights on the woman in his arms he'd made up his mind to search for a property. He'd wanted something secluded with acres of land around it, something for them to expand on to when they eventually started their own family. As soon as he'd driven up the gravelled driveway he knew this house was the one.

_"As you can see, this house boasts many original features," Mary Philips, the real estate agent had gushed. "The price also includes 4 acres of land."_

_"It's wonderful," he'd smiled as his eyes roamed the large staircase that stood proudly in the centre of the main entrance _

_"Do you have children Mr Lurie?"_

_"Oh not yet," he'd laughed, "My Sara can't wait to start a family though."_

_"Well this is certainly a beautiful home to raise children and there's also a butterfly garden. You mentioned in our telephone conversation that that was one of your main priorities, that, and a pot-bellied stove."_

_"Yes, Sara loves butterflies and she's always wanted a red pot-bellied stove like her parents had." His eyes travelled over the cream coloured walls in appreciation._

_"Well the pot-bellied stove is beautiful," Mary smiled, "follow me into the kitchen."_

_They'd walked slowly into the large country kitchen where Mary stood proudly, her huge smile beaming when she knew she almost certainly had a sale on her hands. _

_"It's black," Lurie growled when he spotted the stove in the centre of the wall._

_"Well yes, I've talked with the manufacturers and they have assured me that they can replace the existing stove to a red one for around $2,000." Stepping away, Mary had then started to walk around to the patio doors to slide them open. "The butterfly garden is beautiful Mr. Lurie, I'm sure your wife will be very happy here."_

_He'd smiled to himself then, he liked the sound of that, his wife. "Yes," he'd smiled, "She will love it. I'll take it."_

_"Excellent," Mary beamed, "if you'd like to accompany me back to the office we'll arrange the necessary paperwork."_

_"Of course," pulling the patio doors closed again, Lurie knew that this house would be the start of his future with Sara._

Lurie smiled down into Sara's face and leant closer to kiss her hair. He pushed the door open quietly and stepped over the threshold. This house had been a golden find, one that suited both his own needs and those of the woman he loved, and as soon as she woke he was going to show her everything from the pot-bellied stove to the butterfly garden around the rear of the house.

Making his way to the staircase he started to walk up the twisting steps, until he reached the huge en suite bedroom. Stepping closer, he moved towards the king-size bed that he had already draped in white satin sheets only a few days earlier.

As he bent forward to lay Sara onto the bed, she started to stir. Lurie laid her down and sat down beside her on the soft mattress and ran his fingers over her hair.

The heat inside the bedroom was almost too stifling but he'd made sure that the air conditioning worked to a high standard. He couldn't risk leaving the windows unattended while Sara was still settling into her new life. So he had spent the last two days hammering 6-inch nails into all of the large windows around the house, preventing any moment of weakness on Sara's part.

"Grissom…" she sighed softly as she slowly tried to find her way out of the foggy haze that surrounded her brain. Part of her wanted to believe that this was all real and that she had awoken from a beautiful dream where Grissom loved her enough to be with her.

"Sweetheart," Lurie whispered softly, his body laying closer to hers.

Images swam through Sara's mind as she fought to open her eyes. The voice that resounded inside her head was not that of the man she loved but the voice of someone she didn't recognize. Taking a deep breath she forced her eyes to open.

At first the light that invaded her senses caused her to blink back against the intrusion, and then when she had combated that first obstacle she blinked again to bring her surroundings into focus.

The first thing she saw caused her to find her strength and crawl away from the man towering over her. "Oh God," she gasped as she scrambled across the mattress, her arms and legs feeling like lead as she slipped on the satin beneath her. "Stay away from me."

Lurie watched her worriedly and rose slowly to his feet. "Sar…Debbie…" 

"No…nononono," she chanted, her gasps coming in one long breath as she slid off of the bed and onto the floor. "Stay away…get away."

"Debbie," he groaned, his voice catching in his throat as he came around the bed to crouch down beside her. "Sweetheart, it's me, Vince."

Sara struggled to her feet although her legs still felt as if they were weighed down with concrete shoes. When she finally started to move she looked around for the quickest exit and bolted towards the open doorway. Her cumbersome legs gave way and she crumbled easily to the floor when Lurie caught her in his arms.

"Let go…" her voice broke as she tried to push his arms away from her body. "Get off of me."

"Debbie…"

"Get away from me you sick bastard, I'm not DEBBIE."

Her words hit him full force and he pulled away from her as if she had burned his skin. Taking this opportunity, Sara scrambled away from him to sit on the floor beside the large bay window, her body shaking.

Lurie watched her quietly before turning away from her abruptly to storm off down the stairs; she would soon love this house as much as he did. Debbie or not Debbie, she would love him.

Sara stared at the open doorway, panic coursing through her veins. Where was she and how did she get here? Closing her eyes, she tried to remember but the motion caused her head to pound and she raised her hands to her temples to try and ease the pressure.

A sharp sting in the side of her hand made her pull back and take a look at the cause of the pain. Turning her hand she noticed a small cut along the inside of her palm which had obviously bled enough to leave traces of her blood behind.

Sara's breaths were coming deep and fast as she tried to process the situation. This was all some whacked out nightmare that her brain was producing and maybe she wasn't really here at all. Pushing herself up, she turned to the window in search of an escape, but before she could even try she heard the footsteps on the stairs behind her and froze.

"Sweetheart, have you calmed down yet?" Lurie asked softly, his voice so gentle. "I'm sorry I brought the house without asking you first, but I saw this place and knew it would be perfect."

Sara felt him moving behind her, but couldn't move. She stood, rigid, afraid to turn around and look into the eyes of a captor.

"Let me show you the house Debbie, I know you'll love it as soon as you look around." Stepping closer, he touched her shoulders and felt her tense beneath his fingers.

Sara's mind was reeling. Lurie was a man suspected of a double murder, a man who had been so meticulous that he had avoided capture. The logical part of her knew she should swing around and attack him and make good her escape, but his touch sent a cold paralysing chill through her body.

Taking a breath she pulled away and slowly turned around to face him. His eyes sent a shard of fear to course through her heart. He was looking at her with such possessiveness mixed with affection that at first she couldn't escape his gaze. Closing her eyes, she blocked his visual assent and forced the fear back down inside her.

"Come," he smiled, his hand reaching out to her shoulder.

Sara backed away from him so that her entire body was pressed up against the windowpane. "I am NOT Debbie," she told him slowly, gritting her teeth to stop her voice from shaking.

Lurie took a step closer and leant towards her, his hands pressed firmly on the walls on either side the windowpane. He loomed over her, his breath fanning her hair when she turned her head to the side away from him. His smile died away as he dropped his head and planted a kiss on the side of her cheek. "I know."

With sudden panic, Sara's hands came up to his chest and pushed as hard as she could, her shove sending him backwards to fall on the bed. Without thinking she ran, her legs taking her blindly in any direction, as long as it took her away from him.

Lurie recovered quickly and caught her as she ran down the stairs. Plunging forward he snared her arm, but her struggling caused his grip to slip, sending her tumbling down the last flight, her body thudding against the steps. "Debbie," he cried, his arms trying to pull her back to him before she could fall, but he was too late.

Sara fell to the bottom to land in a crumpled heap on the floor, unconscious and blood streaming from her forehead.

"Angel," Lurie cried as he ran down the stairs towards her. Her hair was splayed in every direction and her left eye had started to bruise, but to him she was the most beautiful creature he'd ever seen. Bending down, he ran a skilful hand over her lithe figure in search of anything broken before he stooped down to pick her up in his arms and carried her back to the bedroom.

Several hours had passed since Sara's disappearance and still her friends worked tirelessly in their search for anything that could indicate who had taken her.

Sitting back in his chair, Grissom closed his eyes against the memories that had started to flood his mind over the last few hours. So many times Sara had offered him another chance, another life, but every time he shot her down. Why did he insist on hurting her time and time again only to wallow in self loathing when he saw the sadness creeping over her beautiful face like a black veil.

The moment that Cavallo had entered the break room before their shift had started, Grissom had already started to retreat inside his own hidden defences. He knew his recommendation of Nick for the promotion to lead CSI was just another nail in the steel wall that Sara had already erected around her body. Her eyes had searched his in those few minute seconds, her questions, her need for understanding falling once again behind her mask and she had withdrawn from him once again.

So many regrets and so many feelings of remorse and helplessness bombarded his senses to cascade over his battered heart like a torrid volcano spurting its burning lava. He'd let her down when she'd needed him the most and now she was somewhere with god knows who doing things to her that he couldn't bear to think about.

Her loss caused an ache inside him so deep that he couldn't tell anymore where he ended and she began. He loved her so much and now she may never know.

The ever present tears that had been threatening to fall for months had once again found themselves into his eyes, and once again he had to force them away and swallow the burning in his throat. He couldn't lose control here, not yet.

Nick stepped closer to his office door and tapped on the side of the frame. "Gris, you got a minute?"

Grissom looked up quickly and coughed to hide the emotion that swept over him. Waving the younger man in, he ran his hands over his face trying to regain his composure.

"Sorry," Nick whispered sadly, his own red rimmed eyes showing the turmoil that held him within its grasp. "Is this a bad time?"

"No," Grissom croaked. "Come on in."

Nick nodded silently and tentatively pulled out a chair opposite him and sat down. For a few moments neither spoke, too scared of releasing fears that they had both tried so hard not to think of, but the unknown still simmered beneath their words.

"The blood's Sara's," Nick began, his voice faltering as images of his friend sprang into his mind. "God Gris," he whispered painfully, "where is she?"

Grissom couldn't deal with this, not right now. Already he was searching for a way of escape, his own emotions weighing him down like a huge anchor. Standing quickly he tried to focus on something, anything that would take this pain away from his chest, but it refused to leave.

"Why did you recommend me for the promotion?" Nick asked, his voice so soft that Grissom almost hadn't heard him.

The question threw Grissom off balance and he found himself slowly sinking back down into his chair.

"She said she was pleased for me," Nick whispered, his mind no longer in the same room as his body. "I knew she wanted to be happy for me, and I know she was trying so hard." Images of Sara surrounded him and he found his eyes closing to keep her memory fresh with her smile, but the pain found its way back into his heart and forced his eyes to gather the ever present tears inside them. "She's been so sad lately."

Grissom swallowed hard when he saw that Nick was losing his battle with his emotions. It had always been so easy for Nick to release his pain, and in some ways Grissom envied him. Tears cleansed the soul, or so he'd heard, but his soul wouldn't release him.

Had he noticed how withdrawn Sara had become of late? Yes he'd noticed, but as always he'd fallen into that same pattern that had always been his safety net; deny everything and bury one's head. Had he noticed how sad she had become? In all honesty he had tried not to notice too much at all about her because when she came into his mind all she provided was a distraction.

"I…I um, I hadn't noticed," he lied.

"That's your problem Grissom," Nick told him, sudden anger bursting into his voice as he spoke. Lifting his tear filled eyes, he stared Grissom squarely in the face and challenged him to answer, but he didn't. "You never noticed that after every shift I would find her in the locker room, her head in her hands and tears in her eyes. Did you know that after that girl cried rape that she cried herself to sleep? Did you notice any of that?"

"What?" Grissom's mind swam in confusion, how had he missed this?

Nick stood to his feet angrily and pushed the chair away from him. "Did you know that she donates blood at Desert Palm every three months?"

Grissom hadn't known that, but it was something that didn't really surprise him seeing Sara's love of life. Shaking his head he struggled to find something to say, but his voice died on his lips when he saw Nick sinking slowly back down into his chair, his face draining of colour. "Nick?"

Nick shook his head slowly, remembering. "A couple of months ago she dragged me along with her to the hospital and persuaded me to donate blood too. We grabbed a coffee after they were done with us and then I was gonna drop her home. We walked over to the SUV and some guy started harassing her, insisting her name was Debbie."

Grissom sat up straighter in his chair and leaned onto the desk. "Did you get a good look at him?"

"Yeah, but Sara knew him, at least I think she did anyway." Nick closed his eyes as he tried desperately to remember. "She said he was a suspect in a double murder that you guys worked on when I was away at that seminar. What was his name…?"

"Think Nick," Grissom pressed, his heart thudding inside his ears as he started to rise from the chair. "Could you recognize him again?"

"Sure I could," Nick nodded quickly. "He was at least 6'4', around your age, but he was so damn insistent…" Nick's voice trailed away as a name sprang to his mind from nowhere. "Lurie…that's what she called him…yeah Lurie, I'm pretty sure of it."

Snatching his cell phone from his pocket, Grissom dialled Brass' number and started to walk out of the door as he waited for him to pick up. "Brass, Nick remembers an incident at Desert Palm a couple of months ago involving Vincent Lurie. Yeah, he called Sara Debbie and according to Nick he wouldn't give up." Grissom nodded enthusiastically and motioned for Nick to follow him outside. "Already on it, Nick and I will meet you there."

"What? Where are we going?" Nick asked as he followed blindly after Grissom.

"Vincent Lurie was the prime suspect in a double murder a couple of months back, but because of lack of evidence we had to let him go."

"So what did that have to do with Sara?" Nick asked breathlessly as they strode.

"I can't explain that right now Nick, we have to get to the hospital." Grissom's heart thumped inside his chest at the memories that still haunted his dreams. The similarities between Sara and Debbie Marlin had turned his whole life upside down, and even after all this time they still wouldn't release him.

Suspecting there was more to this case, Nick just nodded silently as he walked beside his boss, finding Sara the primary thought in his mind.

Sounds of birds chirping slowly brought Sara to wakefulness. Her whole body hurt and her head ached. Lifting a hand, she tentatively touched the side of her face and came into contact with dried blood.

Everything came back with a flurry of images, one by one assaulting her brain. Lurie's face blended with her nightmares to bring a wave of nausea to rise up her throat. Lifting herself up she made it to the side of the bed to heave the contents of her stomach onto the floor, painful dry retches pulling at her chest with every onslaught.

For a few minutes afterwards she dared not move for fear of another bout of sickness. Slowly she managed to pull herself back and lay back down on the bed. Closing her eyes, she tried to banish the dizziness that swam around her, all the while wishing that the room would stop spinning.

Sliding a hand down to her stomach she was instantly met with an unfamiliar softness, one that filled her with a mixture of repulsiveness and fear. Gone were her black jeans and vest top, gone were her boots and everything that made her Sara. With sickening awareness she raised herself up a little onto her elbows and cast a cautious glance down her body to see a white silk nightgown adorning her body.

A wave of nausea invaded her senses once more but she forced it away, denying the fear any kind of access to her mind. If she was ever going to combat this nightmare and escape from here she needed to be strong. By now the guys would realize she was missing, and even if Grissom wasn't worried, she knew Nick and Warrick would be.

"Good, you're awake," Lurie's voice floated into the room causing her to freeze into total stillness. She dared not raise her eyes for fear of seeing the love in his.

The atmosphere around the room changed the second he entered, his soft footsteps bringing him closer to sit down beside her on the bed. Sara fought back the wave of nausea that accompanied his touch, his fingers gliding up her bare ankle.

"What do you want?" she asked quietly, finding her voice at last. Her whole body was trembling, the movements making her head ache, but still she knew she had to face the possibility that she may never see the people she loved again. Swallowing hard, she lifted her eyes bravely, her inner spark flaring quickly only to die away again when she caught sight of his gaze.

"Amazing," he whispered throatily as he slid his hand up over her silk clad thigh. "So beautiful."

With a moment of panic Sara snatched her legs away from him, pulling herself further up to the head of the bed. The sudden movement sent a shard of pain throughout her body and she bit back a gasp with the intensity.

Lurie gazed at her with a mixture of love and concern before standing up. "I'll get you something for the pain sweetheart, you fell down pretty hard."

"No," she said quickly, her eyes scrunching closed with the pain. When she felt the bed dip again beside her she forced them open again and found herself staring into intense, love filled eyes.

Lurie smiled slightly before reaching out to tenderly stroke her shoulder with his fingertips. "You're in pain."

"It'll pass," she told him as she recoiled away from his touch. "I want to get dressed, where are my clothes?"

Lurie pulled his hand away from her and stood to his feet. "I brought you a whole new wardrobe Angel," he told her with a smile as he pulled open the closet door to reveal row upon row of clothes. "I know you like to wear jeans, but I think you look beautiful in more feminine attire."

"You've never seen me in 'feminine attire'" she croaked, her voice giving up on her. Shaking the fear away, she tried a different approach. "I like wearing jeans. Can I please have my clothes back?"

Lurie smiled and closed the closet door, then turned around to lean over towards her, his hands resting on the mattress beside her. Looming closer he leant in to kiss her but she turned her head away. Groaning with frustration, he lifted a hand to her chin and turned her to face him holding her still while he clamped his mouth hard against hers.

She fought him, keeping her mouth closed against his intrusion, all the while screaming in silence.

Sara struggled against him, her hands clawing at his skin in the struggle to push him away. Her head hurt like hell and the pain in her chest stole her breath from her but still she fought him until he released her abruptly and stepped back away from her. "You will love me again Debbie," he told her, nodding his head as he spoke. "You DO love me."

"I'm not her," Sara growled, her stomach fighting off another bout of nausea as she crawled to the other side of the bed to get as far away from him as possible.

"You could be her," Lurie told her quietly, his own raging emotions controlling his actions. "You WILL learn to love me, even if I have to make you."

"No," she told him defiantly, shaking her head as she fought the tears from escaping down her cheeks. "I'm not Debbie, my name is Sara…S-A-R…"

"No one loves you in your world," He hissed angrily, turning to her one more time. "You only have me." Walking towards the door he turned back towards her and smiled sickeningly. "I love you."

"No you don't, you love Debbie," Sara told him when her courage finally came forth to gain control of her again, even if it was only for a short time. "Let me go now before my friends find you, you're just making it worse for yourself."

"I can see that you're going to need another lesson," Lurie told her coldly, something in his voice quickly turning her vibrant anger into numbing fear.

"I just want to go home," she told him in a whisper, her own voice sounding pathetic even to her own ears, but knowing what he had already done to the woman he was supposed to have loved, she knew provoking him was getting her no where but in trouble.

"You are home," he told her.

"You call this a home," she asked shakily, holding her arms up in the air around her. "All I've seen is this room."

"Oh love," he sighed, his eyes closing quickly only to open again. "I have so much I wanted to show you."

Taking advantage of the momentary weakness in his voice, Sara knelt up on the bed, ignoring the pain that crashed over her entire body. Taking a breath she steadied her nerves before attempting to look up at him. "You can still show me, let me get dressed and you can show me."

Lurie stepped closer to her and smiled, but the coldness in his voice still loomed with unsteady anger. Reaching out to her, he slowly pushed her backwards so that she laid on the bed, ignoring how she stiffened with his touch, much the same as Debbie had done too so long ago.

Sara stilled, her body frozen in fear and self loathing as she felt him run a hand over her body. Her mind closed down, shutting her away from this nightmare taking her elsewhere. Grissom's face sprang to her mind, his warm smile from the past the only thing that had sustained her through so many nights. The love she craved from him brought an onslaught of protection and she tried to imagine that this was him, that he was the man worshiping her body with his hands. Her love for Grissom though soon brought with it the tell tale sadness, her silent misery dissolving the image until it faded, to bring Lurie's face back to her nightmare.

With her dream Grissom all but lost, she smacked Lurie's roaming hands away and screwed her eyes tightly closed, refusing to acknowledge that this whole situation was actually happening. She was Sara Sidle, a CSI, things like this just didn't happen, they couldn't. She felt the bed dip again and cautiously opened her eyes. She knew she had to coax him into believing how wrong he was, but was she strong enough?

Finding the courage she needed, Sara sat up, doing her best not to alarm him when she slid away from him. Trying a different tact she kept her voice deliberately soft. "Do you think I could have those pain meds now?"

Lurie gazed down at her for what seemed like an eternity before he finally moved away from her. "I'll run you a bath," he told her softly.

"I don't…"

"A bath will relax you angel," he told her with a smile, "as soon as I've helped you bathe I'll fix you something to eat."

"No, really it's okay," she insisted, her voice becoming garbled as she spoke, "I can do it myself, I don't need help."

"But you always liked me to scrub your back and shampoo your hair," his voice held a tone that told her this was not up for negotiation and that she should just agree. Seeing her close her eyes in surrender he smiled, satisfied with her silent submission.

Sara's mind was screaming at her to do something, but her body seemed to be frozen. Lurie switched between knowing she wasn't Debbie to believing she was. Either way he was surely mentally unstable.

Pulling herself up from the bed, she waited until she heard the sound of running water before she moved closer to the window. Taking a tentative glance behind her she saw that Lurie was nowhere in sight and turned her attention back to the window. Gliding her fingers along the windowpane, she reached over to lift the handle, hoping that it wasn't locked. It was only then that she noticed the nails that had been knocked into the frame, bolting down the windows to safeguard any kind of escape.

Her heart thudded inside her and her legs buckled as she sank to the floor and huddled her knees up to her chest, trying to make herself invisible. But she couldn't escape, no matter how much she wanted to, and when she heard Lurie come into the room again, she pondered that death would be a better release than living this nightmare forever.

Pulling herself to her feet she glared at him angrily, ignoring the voice inside her head that told her he could snap at any second and kill her in the same way he had done Debbie and her boyfriend, but she didn't listen. Instead she pushed the fear away and stood defiantly: if she was doomed to die by his hand then she would damn well make sure he did it quickly.

TBC


	3. 3

**Huge thanks as always to Marlou for her beta-ing and her friendship and thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review.**

****

Nick kept up his perfect pace with Grissom as they stormed into the hospital reception area. Brass turned around to greet them, the grim knowledge in his features making them both very aware that the situation was indeed severe.

"I've talked to Lurie's colleagues, no one has seen or heard from him in three days."

"So we get a warrant and go to his home," Grissom raged, his voice revealing the anguish that raced through his body. "Jim you know as well as I do that he killed her."

"I know Gil," Brass groaned, "don't you think I know how much that case affected all of us? That woman could have been Sara." Taking a deep breath, Brass tried to regain his composure. "Look, he's sublet his apartment out to another doctor and they have no idea where he is."

"We have to find her," Grissom tried to calm his thumping heart, but nothing could stop the aching pain that raged throughout him.

"What woman could have been Sara?" Nick asked quietly, his eyes flitting between Brass and Grissom. "Guys, WHAT woman?"

Brass glanced over towards Grissom sympathetically, wondering if he had ever revealed how much the Marlin case had haunted him.

Grissom sighed heavily and for the first time allowed both Nick and Brass to see just how harrowing this was for him. He started to walk towards an empty waiting room, knowing that he probably couldn't hold on to his fragile balance for much longer.

Nick watched him leave, his eyes following numbly. Brass glanced at Nick and nodded silently, indicating that he would continue with his questions to the staff.

"Debbie Marlin was a nurse here," Grissom started quietly when Nick came into the room to come and sit down beside him, his voice shaking with emotion as he spoke. "She had been seeing many of the doctors here, Lurie being one of them."

"Okay," Nick nodded slowly.

Grissom's eyes closed as he visualized the young woman who had torn his life apart and caused him to question everything. "When…" his voice caught in his throat. "When I found her…she was facing towards the door, her eyes open…staring." Sitting forward, Grissom shook his head against the memories and opened his eyes.

"But we've seen sights like this before Grissom, there's so many things that have happened and we know they shouldn't have." Nick was trying so hard to understand.

"I thought…no I know…she…Debbie," bringing a hand to his face Grissom tried to hide the emotion that was welling up inside his eyes. "It could have been Sara… lying there. I couldn't breathe. She was so still, the life gone from her eyes and I couldn't move…God…I've been such a fool."

"Grissom," Nick gulped back the lump in his throat as he watched his mentor crumbling before his eyes. Lifting his hand, he hovered over Grissom's shoulder, not knowing whether he should offer him some comfort, but in the end he retrieved his hand and sat back again. "You're telling me that our Sara looked like the victim?"

"Yeah…" Grissom took a breath and regained his senses before swiping at his eyes defiantly. "They could have been twins, Nick. I can't tell you how relieved I was to see her outside on the sidewalk, alive"

"So Lurie knew all along," Nick nodded, anger growing in his veins. "He saw Sara and thought that he could just claim her like some consolation prize? No wonder she's been so sad lately."

"Nick…"

"No!" Standing abruptly he glared down at Grissom angrily. "I knew she wasn't happy, I've known for a long time. She wouldn't tell me anything other than she was feeling run down lately, and you and I both know that's not the problem here."

"Look, let's find Sara and then you can berate me all you want because God knows I have been beating myself up over my lack of involvement since the day I met her." Standing up, Grissom started to walk towards the open door only to glance back briefly. "Call Cath and Warrick, tell them to go over to Sara's apartment and look for anything to indicate that Lurie has been stalking her."

"You wanna send Cath over to Sara's?" Nick leered sarcastically.

"Yes, do you have a problem with that?"

"Yeah I have a problem with that!" Nick glared at his boss fiercely before lowering his voice into an angry whisper. "You've stood by and watched Catherine take Sara down time and time again. Warrick, Greg and me are Sara's friends, we're the only ones around here who notice everything about her. You and Cath, all you two seem to do is want to hurt her. Well you know what, I won't let either of you hurt her again Grissom, I swear the two of you won't."

"Catherine is thorough," Grissom told him quietly, knowing that he deserved the brunt of Nick's anger. "Look, let's just find her."

Nick's anger died away just as suddenly as it had come to leave him shaking with sadness. He knew Grissom had feelings for Sara, all of them knew it, but it was those same feelings that had caused Sara so much pain. Nodding his head sadly, he followed Grissom back out into the lobby where Brass was waiting.

"I got a lead," he told them excitedly, waving a sheet of paper in front of them. "One of the nurses remembers Lurie enquiring about buying properties in the Lake Mead area."

"That's good news Jim," Grissom nodded quickly, his pace quickening with a new sense of determination as they walked out of the hospital.

Vincent Lurie watched Sara with a mixture of love and pride. Debbie had always been feisty too, that's one of the things that he'd loved about her. Sara was not so different, but her feistiness sparked with anger in those deep brown eyes of hers, and if he was perfectly honest with himself, he kind of liked it.

"What do you want with me?" Sara asked him, her voice shaking with defiance as well as a little fear.

"I love you." His voice softened as he stepped a little closer.

"No you don't!"

"Oh I think I do," he smiled, "All I'm asking of you is to give me a chance to show you just how much."

Sara's heart pounded in her chest as he approached and she took a step back, away from him. "You call this love?" she asked calmly although her nerves were starting to fray. "You've locked me in a room, you've nailed down the windows; that's not love, that's obsession."

"Then I'm obsessed as well as in love," he told her matter of factly.

"Just let me at least call my friends to let them know I'm okay, they'll be worried." She tried to appeal to his softer side, hoping that he would fall for her ploy and trust her just long enough so that she could let someone know that she was being held here.

Lurie advanced closer until he was pressed against her body, delighting in the slight tremble that coursed through her. "Which friend?"

Sara's mind was screaming at her, pleading to end this nightmare, but she knew all too well that it wouldn't end until either she or Lurie was dead. Pushing her hands up to his chest she tried to shove him backwards but he pressed his entire weight into her, effectively pinning her to the wall. "Which friend?" he repeated, his breath tangling with her hair to blow against her ear.

Sara scrunched her eyes tightly closed and struggled against his touch. His stubble chin scratched against her cheek, stinging painfully as he leant in closer until she could feel his arousal pressing into her. Panic once again regained her and she started to struggle against his body but he had her pinned. "His name's Nick," she hissed, hoping that the distraction would make Lurie back off enough for her to get away from him.

Anger flared in Lurie's touch and he raked a hand painfully over her skin, his nails leaving stinging scratches over her flesh.

"Nick?" he snarled, pulling away from her sharply to turn away from her. "Your friend is a man?"

Sara edged along the wall slowly, her whole body aching with a mixture of Lurie's torment and her earlier bruises.

"Whore," Lurie growled as he whirled around to grab her by the arm forcefully. "You want me to release you so that you can go back to your boyfriend?"

"I…let me go, you sick bastard."

"Bitch!" With a loud slap he struck her across the face to send her tumbling to the floor. "You're no better than Debbie, she was a whore too." Turning abruptly he made his way out of the room to slam the door loudly behind him.

The fight in Sara had all but slipped away as she lay on the floor shaking. She was going to die, she knew it. Lurie's jealousy had sparked him off on a murder spree that had killed two innocent people, their only crime, being in love.

Tears mingled with the coppery taste of her own blood as she slowly pushed herself upwards. Lifting a hand to her face, she touched her cheek tentatively. She could feel her skin swelling beneath her fingers, the stinging sensations causing her to pull her hand back abruptly. She had to get out of here.

Grabbing onto the bed sheet she started to pull herself up to stand on shaky legs. Her eyes wandered towards the window, the nailed glass sealing her inside a torturous tomb. Reaching out, she ran her fingers over the pane and tried to hook the tips of her fingers around the nail head to see if she could maybe pull it out, but it was hammered too far in.

Trying again, she moved along to the next nail only this time using both hands, the sharp edges cutting into her fingers causing blood to drip down her hands and arm. Pulling her hands away she started to look around the room in search of anything that she could use as a lever to help her, but before she could find anything the door opened again and Lurie loomed in the doorway.

Sara froze, her whole body shutting down on her to keep her from moving. She could see Lurie moving closer towards her but she couldn't back away.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart," he whispered softly as he brought a hand up to the ugly bruise starting to form on her cheek.

Sara flinched as he touched her, closing her eyes so she couldn't bear witness to the next painful onslaught. She waited for the inevitable breath on her face but it never came.

"You made me hit you," he told her apologetically. "If you hadn't said those things to me I wouldn't have lost control. You know how much I hate to lose my temper."

Bringing up his other hand, Lurie cupped her face and bent over to kiss her forehead, "Your bath is getting cold."

Sara followed numbly, her consciousness already driving a wedge between reality and dreams. Her eyes absorbed the things around her, but she didn't see anything. Her skin bristled when Lurie touched her, but she blocked him away so she didn't feel. Nothing about the experience she was going through right now as he slowly undressed her, registered within. Her mind had closed itself off in a vain attempt to push this reality as far away from her as possible.

Lurie ran an appreciative gaze over her body before turning away from her to dip his fingers into the bath water to test the temperature. He'd already poured the same sensual bath oils and jasmine scent into the water, just how Debbie had liked it.

Turning around he reached out to gently take Sara's hand and tugged her gently towards him. She followed obediently, her haunted eyes unseeing. Lurie smiled lovingly as he released her hand to smooth his fingertips over her arm. "Come sweetheart," he whispered softly, helping her into the bath tub.

Sara's eyes stung with tears with every inch of her body that immersed into the water. Her guarded senses sprang into awareness to bring a burst of agonizing clarity on everything that was happening to her. With those same sensations came the ever present hopelessness of knowing she may never see the man she loved again.

Lurie's eyes roamed her body as she sank into the water only to pull her knees up to her chest and wrap her arms around her legs. Reaching out a hand to her shoulders he slid a fingertip down her spine, following the outline all the way down to her lower back.

Sara tensed beneath his touch and squeezed her eyes closed. No matter how many times she tried to retreat into the safety of her mind, his touch always brought her right back to reality.

"No butterfly," Lurie whispered hoarsely, snatching his hand away from her body to stand back abruptly. "There's no butterfly."

His voice echoed inside her ears and she started to rock, as if the movement would prevent anything evil from happening. Her slow movements caused the water around her to ripple against her body and flow over the edge of the tub, yet still she couldn't stop.

Lurie watched her slowly and ran his fingers through his greying hair. What had he done? What had he been expecting, that she would have an identical tattooed butterfly as the one that he'd paid for, for Debbie?

"I'm not Debbie," Sara whimpered, her teeth chattering with the cold as well as nerves.

"Get dressed," Lurie ordered suddenly, his voice grunting with frustration as he exited the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

Silence filled the room and for a heart stopping moment she revelled in solitude, but the harshness of reality soon crashed down again around her.

"Oh God," Sara whispered to herself as the outpouring of relief swamped her eyes. She wished with everything she possessed that Grissom cared enough for her to be out there somewhere, searching.

_"I couldn't do it."_

Those words had haunted her in every dream, and every second of every day. He didn't love her enough to make sacrifices, and deep down, she already knew she had lost him.

_"I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it…"_

"Please be out there," she whispered softly as she closed her eyes against the tears. If she emerged from this nightmare unscathed she promised herself that she would give Grissom what he wanted from her, it would be hard, and it would break her heart, but she would let him go.

The bathroom door opened again and Lurie slowly came into the steam filled room. He watched Sara's still form and for a few moments he considered his options. He'd already come so far and he couldn't give her up so easily. Debbie or no Debbie, he still loved her.

"Let me help you out of the bath sweetheart," he soothed, his earlier anger forgotten just as quickly as it had flared.

Sara stiffened and bit back the sob that ached to escape from her throat. She knew enough about domestic violence to know that in Lurie's mind he saw someone else, and her provoking him would only cause another outburst of rage. Taking a deep breath she started to rise up out of the water and accepted the offered towel from him, but still careful to avoid eye contact.

"Are you hungry?" he asked softly as he wrapped the towel around her body.

Sara nodded silently, knowing that he would leave her alone if she agreed to his wishes. Relief flooded her senses when he moved away from her again and made his way towards the door.

"I'll fix us something to eat."

"I…" her voice faltered slightly as she fought for something to say. "Can I have my clothes…please?"

"Clothes?" he asked quickly, his voice rising a notch.

Sara shuddered with his reaction. He switched from anger to love, from abuse to remorse in mere seconds. He was a ticking time bomb with the trigger being one wrong word. Turning to face him she met his eyes. "What do I call you?"

"What?" he asked in confusion, her sudden question throwing his anger into the wind.

"Are you Vincent, or Vince?" she asked quickly while she had his attention, her mind registering some of her courage.

"Oh, I see…" His eyes glazed over in remembrance and a small smile graced his face. "Debbie liked to call me Vincent when we…" his voice trailed off.

"Okay Vincent," she whispered, keeping the tremor from her voice as she spoke. "I don't eat meat."

Lurie looked up quickly and stared at her as if she was some kind of ethereal being. Nodding slowly, he backed away from her and retreated.

Sara sighed in relief when she was once again left on her own. All she could do was play along with this terrifying charade and hope that someone out there cared about her enough to come searching, but the more she thought about her solitude, the more depressed she became.

Wrapping the towel tightly around her body she took a tentative step out of the bathroom. Sounds from the kitchen, clattering pots and pans, drifted up towards her. Closing her eyes briefly she tried to concentrate on the cool wooden floors beneath her feet instead of the smell of cooking eggs that only made her stomach retch even more.

Taking a deep breath, she made her way back towards the bedroom and closed the door tightly behind her. For the first time she took a slow look around the large bedroom, and in any other circumstances this would have been a perfect family home, but instead, it was her prison.

Her eyes settled on the closet doors and instantly the nausea rose up inside her throat. She'd only taken a brief look before when Lurie had shown her the contents inside and even for those brief few moments, the fear had started to eat away inside her. Taking a slow step towards the white closet doors, she regarded it for a long moment before finding a tiny piece of courage inside her. Lifting a shaking hand, she wrapped her fingers around the cold metal handle that sat proudly on the white painted door and took a deep breath before yanking it open.

Sara's arm dropped limply to hang by her side as she took another look at the rows of outfits hanging up, most of them still with the price tag attached and in the cellophane bags to keep them clean. Everything was so precisely draped, coordinated in colour, length and material.

For a few seconds she scanned the clothes numbly and found herself reaching out to touch the silken material of one of the dresses. The fabric caressed her fingers lovingly, the silk sliding over her skin. For a few heart stopping moments she was propelled into a fantasy world where the silken dress bore a significant meaning, and instead of Lurie being the tormentor, Gil Grissom was the groom.

Coming to her senses, she pulled her hand back quickly, as if the dress had burnt her. What was she doing? Already she was going back on a promise to herself and to Grissom. Pushing the thoughts away from her mind she snatched roughly at the hanging garments and started to rifle through the closet, hoping that Lurie had maybe placed her clothes somewhere in there.

After her frantic search revealed nothing, she growled furiously and swiped at the hanging clothes one last time before slumping down onto the bed. Her eyes welled again with sorrow. What had she done so wrong to be punished in this way? She'd already promised to back off and release Grissom, so why was this still happening? One pooling tear coursed a wet track down her cheek, carving its pain into her skin.

She had no idea how long she'd been here or how many days had passed. All she could remember was leaving the guys at the bar and the sun starting to rise over the horizon. When she woke for the first time, she was in this very same room with Lurie looming over her. She didn't even know where she was or even if she was in the same state anymore.

Looking up at the window again, she saw the tell tale sign of dusk approaching and the sudden fear of spending a night alone with Lurie, with her being conscious, flooded her with nauseating terror.

Standing up from the bed quickly, she pulled one of the garments off of the rails and pulled it on over her still damp body. There were no undergarments anywhere, and that in itself coursed fear throughout her. Would she be another rape victim who ended up on Doc Robbin's table? No, she couldn't let that happen. No. Not now, not ever.

Looking around the room frantically, her eyes settled on the window again, and soon the only option open to her now floated into her mind. She would rather die now and take her heartache with her than live a life of torment as Lurie's unwilling prisoner.

The window seemed to call her, promising her freedom. Taking a step closer, her eyes fell onto the bedside cabinet and the brass lamp that sat on top of it. Reaching down to it, she lifted it briefly, her fingers wrapping around the heavy base. With two hands she lifted it higher and pulled the plug from the socket before throwing it towards the glass.

The lamp hit with a loud thud, shattering the glass into a splintered spiders web. Sara stared at the damage before taking a step closer. The outside air filtered through the tiny cracks, and she breathed it in deeply. With a renewed strength, she bent to pick up the lamp from the floor and threw it again, delighted with the next wave of damage it had caused. She retrieved the lamp again and repeated the process, only this time the lamp went right through the glass and left a gaping hole in its wake.

Without thinking, she lunged towards the window and started to punch the weakened glass. The razor like edges sliced into her flesh, bringing drop after drop of her blood to pool down her arms but she didn't care. Nothing but escape registered inside her mind and knowing she was so close to freedom spurred her onwards.

She thumped blindly at the window, the ragged edges now dripping with blood. Deep red droplets had started to run tracks down the window, smearing the glass like a stained glass window, but still she kept fighting. With every punch, more blood spattered back, covering her and the area around her and she could feel her strength slowly slipping away from her, but the cool breeze that blew in through the gaping hole taunted her, making her punch harder.

Lurie opened the door with a loud crash and stared aghast at the site before him. Sara's silken dress was no longer white but a deep crimson. Blood spatter was everywhere and he was suddenly transported back to a bathroom, blood, lots and lots of blood. He watched her transfixed as she wildly punched at the glass, and then at the hole that had started to widen with her efforts. After a few seconds he came to his senses and ran forward towards her, his medical instincts taking over.

Sara vaguely heard the bedroom door thump open, and pummelled harder. She screamed for help, but her own voice echoed in her ears, and then she noticed the blood. Lifting her arms in front of her, she stared down at them in shock. Gaping wounds flowed with blood and scratches lay open with angry bruises adorning her hands. Someone was pulling her away from her task, but she suddenly lost the power to fight. Somewhere between her fear and desperation, she had come to a silent acceptance that allowed her to bare her soul. Dying was her only option out of her nightmare, and she welcomed the warm sense of peace that covered her before collapsing into unconsciousness.

TBC


	4. 4

**Huge thanks as always to Marlou for beta-ing for me hugs . Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to review, I appreciate every one.**

Mary Philips smiled warmly when Brass, Grissom and Nick approached her desk, but the smile soon faded away when she saw the police badge that Brass flashed at her.

"Um…can I help you officer?"

"Detective actually," Brass corrected her with an agitated smile as he pulled a photo of Lurie out of his pocket. "We're investigating a kidnapping of a CSI and it involves this man."

Passing the photo over to her, he noticed her ashen face pale even further. "Oh…" 

"Ma'am," Grissom spoke from behind Brass, stepping forward so he could see the woman clearly. "Have you sold a house to this man recently?"

"But he seemed so sincere," she whispered, her shock quickly melting as she looked up again, her eyes flittering between Brass and Grissom. "I sold him a house about a month ago. I only remember him because he made a fuss over the pot-bellied stove."

"Excuse me?" Brass asked.

"Oh, sorry…the stove was black and he specifically wanted it to be red." Her eyes dropped to the picture again and shook her head. "Are you sure he's the man you want? He said he wanted to buy a house as a surprise for his wife."

"Did he mention her name?" Grissom asked quickly. "Please, this could be important."

"Yes he did," she smiled. "He said she would love the butterfly garden out the back of the house. I think he said her name was Sara, I'm almost sure of it."

Nick let out the breath he had been holding and pulled out his cell phone. "Grissom I'm gonna call Warrick, he'll want to know."

Grissom just nodded, but kept his eyes firmly fixed on the middle-aged woman before him. "We're going to need the address."

"Of course," she nodded, standing up quickly and handing the photo back to Brass as she spoke.

Grissom closed his eyes in sudden relief, it had been almost 24 hours since Sara had been abducted, and all he wanted to do was find her and hold her close to him forever.

"We're gonna find her Gil," Brass told him in a knowing whisper.

Grissom glanced at him and nodded solemnly. Ever since the Debbie Marlin case he'd been tormented with her image. The scene always replayed over and over in his mind but the only difference was that instead of Debbie lying there in a pool of blood, it was Sara. Grissom shook his head as he tried to rid himself of the disturbing possibility. He needed to find her and tell her that he'd been wrong before, that he was ready now to take the risk.

Turning abruptly, he left the real estate's office knowing that the old Gil Grissom no longer held him hostage. The lab explosion should have been the one incident that had opened his eyes, but instead it had only served to strengthen the walls around him. Brass watched him leave, worry ever present in his eyes.

"Here we are," Mary said triumphantly as she thrust a paper with the address out towards him. "He seemed to be very much in love with his wife."

"I'm sure he did," Brass sighed as he shook his head solemnly. "Thank you for your help."

"Of course," Mary nodded.

Warrick snatched his cell phone from his pocket and flipped it open. "Yeah."

"We think we know where she is," Nick blurted.

"Nick that's good news," Warrick breathed. "That's great."

"You still at Sara's place?"

"Yeah, Cath's going through the bedroom now. So far there's no evidence that suggests that Sara was being stalked." Warrick looked up when Catherine came out of the bedroom and shook her head.

"Catherine's in Sara's bedroom?" Nick asked, his voice tinged with worry.

"Yeah, look Nick, they've had their differences but you know she wouldn't hurt her on purpose."

"Do I?" Nick huffed.

"Nick?"

"Look bro, I gotta go, Grissom's here. I'll call you as soon as we know anything." The call ended so abruptly that Warrick looked into the receiver as if the rest of the conversation would magically filter through.

"Have they found her?" Catherine asked worriedly as she stepped closer to Warrick.

"That was Nick, he says they've got a lead." Turning away from her, he picked up his kit and walked towards the door.

"Is that all you're gonna tell me?" Catherine asked as she followed him.

"You don't like Sara much do you Cath?"

"What?" she gasped, his question throwing her off balance. "Of course I like her." She regarded his disbelieving gaze for a long moment, then sighed heavily before closing her eyes in defeat. " It's just that she gets to me sometimes that's all. I guess we both get on each other's nerves."

"You could change that if you wanted to," Warrick told her quietly. "She's a good person."

"Wait," Catherine looked up into his eyes incredulously, "I never said she wasn't a good person!"

"You didn't have to," he told her gruffly.

"Look Warrick, I know you cared about her, but…"

"She's not dead!" Warrick growled, anger sparking in his eyes only to die away into sorrow. "Oh Jeez…she can't die."

"I'm sorry Warrick," Catherine soothed, her own eyes filling with tears as she spoke. "I promise when we get her back that I'll try harder okay?"

"If we get her back," he whispered hoarsely.

Catherine dropped her kit to the floor and turned to face him, her hands clasping his face so she could look into his eyes. "We'll get her back. Gil won't let anything happen to her, I know he wouldn't."

"He's already let something happen to her," he whispered sadly as he pulled out of her grasp. "We'd better lock up and get back to the lab."

Catherine nodded silently and retrieved her discarded kit to follow him towards the door. Taking one last look around the apartment, she decided at that moment, that as soon as Sara was home she'd come over and bring a plethora of plants and pictures. Sara's home needed life, and Sara needed to start living.

Stepping out into the hall, she turned to watch Warrick take his own keys from his pocket and lock Sara's door. She looked up at him in amazement, she'd assumed he'd used a lock picker to gain access since she arrived a few minutes after him. "You have her keys?"

"Yeah, and she has mine."

"Something you wanna share?" she asked with a smile as she tried to lighten his mood slightly.

"I also have Nick's key, and Sara has his too. We're good friends Cath, nothing more. Maybe if you got to know her instead of always picking fault you'd be her friend too!" Turning away from her he walked slowly down towards the outside door, leaving her to look upon his retreating form in shock. Shaking her head to rid herself of Sara's image, she started to walk quickly to catch up with him.

Lurie lifted Sara's limp form onto the bed and tried to ignore the tears that obscured his vision. Turning quickly, he rushed into the bathroom and picked up some fresh white bath towels and ran them under some cold water until they were dripping wet. He couldn't rid his mind of bloody images, first from Debbie and now Sara.

Turning back, he wrung the towel lightly to wring out some of the water before going back into the bedroom where his sleeping love still lay unmoving.

Blood from her wounds had now seeped onto the white satin beneath her body and he found himself picking up one of her arms to move it away from the red claret only to have more droplets cover the material.

Placing the wet towel around her wrist, he started to wipe away the blood that covered her arm. Tears fell from his eyes as he repeated his task, his cleansing only lasting for a few seconds before she bled again.

Standing up from the bed he returned to the bathroom, this time going to the small medicine cabinet that hung on the wall above the bath tub next to the sink. Yanking open the door he spotted some new bandages that were still in their paper wrappings and pulled them out, then returned to the bedroom.

Sara's body still lay unmoving and for a moment he was frozen in awe with her beauty. She resembled an angel as she lay motionless, her skin paling against the red of her blood. So much blood…the smell, the colour, the texture, all things assaulted his mind in one painful barrage and he almost dropped the bandages to the floor.

Sara needed the doctor in him right now, and he loved her enough to help her come to terms with this new life he had built for the both of them. Taking a slow step towards the bed, he sat down softly and lifted one of her arms to his lap.

Her blood seeped onto his pants and through to his skin, but he ignored the sticky warmth it provided. Instead he pulled the wrapper off of the bandage and threw it to the floor, then started to wrap it tightly around her wounds in a desperate bid to stop the bleeding, but still the redness began to creep through the bandage.

Standing quickly, Lurie walked around to the other side of the bed and began to repeat the process with the other arm which was also swimming in red, but the tighter he wrapped the stark white bandage, the more blood seeped through.

"You bitch," he growled angrily as he threw Sara's arm from his lap in frustration. "All you had to do was love me!"

Still she did not move and his anger faded away within seconds. He took a slow step away from her to try and process the situation. He knew she needed to go to the hospital, but he still wanted to keep her for himself and was unwilling to take the chance of someone else taking her from him. He watched silently as blood started to creep further up the white bandages but instead of helping her, he backed away and turned to exit the room.

Brass drove like a mad man along the winding road that led to the house that stood alone in the clearing a mile or so ahead of them. Behind him, Grissom and Nick followed, only to be accompanied by three more police cars, their sirens blazing. Dust from the road billowed around the vehicles, puffing up into the air like a whirlwind as they made their way towards their target.

"Is that the house?" Nick asked quickly as his voice road into near hysteria. "I see it, Gris I see it."

Grissom nodded silently, his attention kept firmly on Brass' car in front of them. His heart beat thundered in his ears and his stomach churned in nervousness. His silent vigil for Sara kept him focussed and unable to function on anything else, he just hoped that this was the right place and she was here.

Nick fought his own raging battle. They were speeding towards the nearing house yet still they seemed to be taking forever to get there. He wanted so much to be able to comfort her and keep her safe from everything that could have possibly hurt her but he also knew that Grissom was the only man who could help her to heal.

Taking a deep breath, Nick sat up straighter in his seat and turned his head towards his mentor. "She's there, I can feel it."

Grissom knew what Nick's words had meant, and he wanted so much to believe him, but he couldn't speak for fear of breaking. His emotions were riding high at the moment and he knew that if he tried to convey in words what he was feeling then he wouldn't make it through the next minute, let alone a lifetime. Instead he nodded silently and continued to follow Brass as they came up the driveway that led to the house.

Brass sped faster, his own instincts spurring him forward as well as the affection he held for the young woman who had somehow captured something inside him. If anything had happened to her he vowed that he would make Lurie's life a living hell for as long as he possibly could.

Something about Sara Sidle had lured him closer to her over the last year, something that made him look inside himself. He knew she had so much she was struggling with right now and the fact that she confided in him from time to time only made him grow fonder of her. Over the last nightmarish hours since she had disappeared he'd done something that he hadn't done in a very long time; he prayed to whoever was listening to keep her safe.

The house seemed to come upon him suddenly from nowhere and he almost instantly felt the invigorating energy charge through his body. Turning the car along the bends of the driveway he finally reached the front of the house and screeched to a halt. Grissom followed a second later and the police cars only seconds after that.

With lightning speed, Brass was out of his car and approaching the front door before Grissom could even step out of his Denali. Drawing his gun, he took a step closer and raised his weapon steadily as the front door swung open.

"Get down on the ground, hands behind your back…NOW," he yelled when Lurie stepped out in a daze.

Lurie held his hands into the air and sank to his knees as he broke into tears. "I didn't mean to hurt her," he sobbed. "Believe me, I wanted to love her."

His words filled Grissom with aching dread as he numbly moved forward. "Where is she?"

Brass motioned to the six other officers that also had their weapons drawn. "Cuff him, and read him his rights. Brooks, Sharpe, you're with me."

"We need to get in there," Nick hissed angrily when Brass blocked his entrance.

"There could be others inside," Brass told him firmly, his own worry pouring through his words as he spoke. "Are you armed?"

Nick nodded silently and pulled out his gun and watched numbly when Grissom did the same. Both followed blindly as Brass and the other two officers entered the house ahead of them.

"LVPD," he yelled. "I'm armed."

His voice was met with silence but he still moved cautiously forward. Turning back to Brooks he motioned for him and his partner to clear the downstairs and nodded silently for Nick and Grissom to follow him up the staircase.

They moved up slowly, one step at a time until; they reached the top. Brass felt his stomach roll with nausea when he saw a trail of bloody footprints coming from one of the bedrooms. He heard the curses behind him and knew that both Nick and Grissom had seen the red stains too. Reaching the door, he nudged it open slowly with his gun and took a slow step inside while indicating his two companions to stay behind him.

The first thing to hit him was the coppery smell that drifted through the air, a smell he knew all too well. Closing his eyes tightly he tried to gather the courage to take another step inside, unwilling even now to believe that anything bad could have happened to the woman they all loved.

Opening his eyes again he saw her and froze. The breath seemed to wheeze from within him and he felt his legs turn to jelly, unable to move in any direction. Nothing had prepared him for this, not even the countless crime scenes he had seen. This was different; this was Sara.

Brass' audible gasp caused both Grissom and Nick to step up close to him and follow his gaze, then all hell broke lose. Nick was the first to react when he saw her, disregarding every part of his training as he pushed past both Brass and Grissom.

He stepped into the room in a daze, his eyes suddenly glazing over with emotion as he approached her. His voice caught in his throat and a soft whimper escaped as he sank down onto the floor beside the bed. "Sara…" his voice pleaded painfully as he sobbed her name.

Grissom moved slowly into the room, his eyes staring over Sara's ashen face and he couldn't remember when he had felt so much pain rip through him. "Oh God," he managed to gasp before grief welled up in his eyes. His whole body threatened to close him down and the inner pain pierced his soul. His Sara, his beautiful Sara was lying on a bed now reddened with her blood, unmoving, and he wanted to scream, yell, anything to make this vision go away. His eyes clouded over with emotion. Taking a step closer, he reached out a trembling hand to touch her but withdrew it again, knowing that one touch would be his undoing and he needed to be strong.

"She's bleeding…Grissom…oh God…" Nick's voice wailed through the silence as he reached over to one of her bloodied arms and pressed down over the bandage to try and stop the blood from seeping through.

The crackle of Brass' radio intruded into the room and he could hear the anguish in Jim's voice as he numbly gave their location, and that they needed a medical team urgently, his voice shaking through tears as he spoke.

A silent sob escaped Grissom's throat as the image of Sara and the image of Debbie cascaded and overlapped in his mind. He couldn't seem to move from her side and everything he knew he should be doing didn't mean anything right now. His eyes drifted down to her other arm and for the first time seemed to see the deepening red patch on her wrist and blindly reached down towards her, pressing his hand over her wounds.

Nick lifted up on his knees and reached across Sara's body to feel for a pulse. His heart thudded inside his chest as he felt a weak pulse drumming beneath his fingers. "Oh thank God," he gasped, unable to keep the pooling tears from escaping. "Sara…we're here, you can wake up now sugar…" His voice broke and he sniffed back against the next onslaught of emotion and begged silently for her to open her eyes.

Grissom watched the scene before him with a mixture of relief and despair. He wanted to be the one to hold her and bring her back from wherever she was, but he just couldn't move and he cursed himself for not being strong enough for her. His whole body betrayed him and he could feel the anguish burning inside his chest and he could feel his knees threatening to buckle, but he pushed everything to the back of his mind, closing off the pain from his senses. Sara needed his strength not his sorrow, even though he could feel himself slipping further and further down into misery.

Nick raised his eyes from Sara's still form and for the first time seemed to notice that Grissom was in the room. He could see the anguish quite plainly on the older man's face and his eyes seemed uncharacteristically tearful. Blinking back his own tears he stood up and gazed down at the woman on the bed one more time before looking back towards Grissom again, silently begging him to make this right, but even he knew Grissom held no power over space and time.

"The ambulance is on its way Nick, she's going to be okay." Grissom told him quietly, more to convince himself than anyone else. His own voice was already betraying just how lost he was feeling right now. He needed to be doing something to help her, but instead all he could do was freeze.

Grissom's words seemed to open the floodgates to Nick's emotions, causing his crumbling resolve to come crashing down around him. His body trembled painfully as he pulled himself further up towards the bed only to reach for her. Leaning over Sara's limp form he pulled his body closer to her, resting his head on hers as he tried to heal her with his touch.

"Nick…" Grissom started, his own trembling voice cracking as he tried to remain in control of his emotions. He knew that Nick and Sara shared a special bond and that Nick's turmoil was churned up in sorrowful affection that ached through all of them. Grissom felt it too, cutting through into his soul to leave him breathless. The emotional ties that joined him to Sara went far deeper than anyone could ever imagine, and even though he wanted to scream out his pain and reach for her he couldn't even for a second show just how weak he was right now.

"Where the hell is that ambulance," Jim Brass whispered hoarsely. "I told them to get here right away…" Swiping angrily at his eyes he turned and walked out into the hall, unable to hide his own tears any longer.

Brass' words faded into the air and everything in the room seemed to disappear into a mournful haze and all that was left was Sara. Her smile flashed into Grissom's mind, bringing a painful wave along with it only to cause more tears to gather in his eyes.

"Nick," Grissom whispered, his own voice cracking with emotion as he spoke. "We need to process the scene, we have to…"

"Process…" Nick hissed suddenly, raising his tear filled eyes to glare at his supervisor. "She's lying here bleeding to death and you want me to work? What the hell is wrong with you? This is Sara!"

"I know that," Grissom retorted angrily, his voice cracking through a sob as he fought to keep his emotions in check. "Don't you think I can see her? God Nick…" Stopping abruptly, Grissom turned his head away from the scene before him and squeezed his eyes tightly closed against the fast approaching tears that threatened to possess him, a fist tightly held against his lips to stop the words desperate to break free. He couldn't break down, not here, not in front of them.

A sudden gurgling gasp from Sara's lips brought him to his senses and he whirled around to look down into her face quickly, wondering if the sound was his own imagination, but when he saw the shock registering on Nick's face he realized that he'd heard her. Moving quickly, he knelt down beside her on the bed so that he could look down into her face.

"Sara," he whispered softly, letting go of her arm as he leant in close, holding either side of her face in his hands. "Honey, open your eyes for me."

"Grisss…" she slurred as she tried to force her eyes open.

"I'm here," he whispered hoarsely, his voice catching as he sniffed back the emotion in his eyes.

"Caaame…?" she mumbled softly even as she fought the velvety pull of unconsciousness trying to pull her back down into its depths.

"We did," Nick answered when Grissom was having trouble forming a sentence. Kneeling down on the bed with one knee, Nick reached his free hand down to hers to squeeze it gently. "Do you believe me now?"

Sara's eyes closed again and she slipped back down into darkness, his unanswered question hanging in the air.

The sudden shrill of sirens filled the air and Grissom felt his body shaking with relief. Everything would be fine from now on and he made a silent vow to himself that he would start living. Lifting himself off of the bed, he reached out for her other hand and held it. Between himself and Nick, he knew they would heal her.

The room soon became awash with people that clattered with thudding movements. "Sir step away now, we'll take it from here," a paramedic commanded as he gently pushed Grissom out of the way.

Grissom dropped her hand and watched silently as Nick did the same and moved away to let the other paramedic in to tend to her. "Her name's Sara," Grissom told them urgently. "She was conscious for a few seconds."

"Was she responsive?"

"Yeah, she said my name," Grissom whispered in acknowledgement, unable to tear his eyes from her ashen face. He saw her head fall backwards as the paramedics checked her vital signs and suddenly felt the overwhelming urge to protect her. "Be careful with her."

"She's lost a lot of blood," the paramedic stated, even though his statement was obvious to everyone in the room. Motioning for his partner, both medics carefully lifted her onto the stretcher. Once she was secure, one medic strapped an oxygen mask over her face while the other placed an IV in her arm.

"I'll follow you to the hospital," Grissom told them quickly, following them out of the room before they took her from him again.

Brass watched on helplessly. He needed to do something, anything to ease the pain if only for a little while. "Gil, you still need to process," he said quickly, his voice no louder than a whisper.

Grissom looked back at him and stared silently. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that Brass was right but he'd already wasted too much precious time. Turning to Nick he barked an order before following the paramedics out of the room. "Call Catherine and Warrick."

Nick nodded silently as he took one last look around the room, the blood spatter causing his stomach to lurch. He needed to get out of this room and the images it still held within it. Shoving his hand in his pocket he pulled out his cell phone. He nodded to Brass who came to stand silently beside him.

"You think Grissom's gonna be okay?" Nick asked worriedly, his voice still shaking.

Brass sighed heavily as he looked around the room. "I can't remember a time when I've ever seen him so…"

"Emotional?" Nick asked softly.

"Yeah. I saw what the Marlin case did to him, but Sara will be fine, she has to be."

Nick swallowed against the lump that was forming in his throat. "I need to go to the hospital, you think you could call Warrick?"

"Go," Brass nodded solemnly. "And you give that girl a big hug from me okay?"

"Count on it," Nick nodded, ignoring the fact that his eyes still bore the telltale signs of his sadness.

TBC


	5. 5

**Huge thanks to everyone who has reviewed. I'm so glad most of you are enjoying this. There's about another 5 chapters, maybe 6 to go. Thanks as always to my friend and beta, (now author) Marlou. You're the best hun…**

****

Warrick pulled his cell phone from his belt and flipped it open. "Yeah," he barked.

Catherine chanced a glance in his direction as they drove back towards the lab and knew instantly by his paling face that they had grim news.

"We'll be there asap," he muttered, his voice ending on a heavy sigh as he flipped the phone closed and leaned his head back into his head rest.

"What?" Catherine asked worriedly, her eyes focussing on the road.

"They found her…" his voice trailed off mid sentence and he closed his eyes against the growing emotion in them.

"What?" Catherine gasped, "Is she okay? Where is she?"

"We gotta go to Lake Mead," Warrick's voice simmered with fear as he opened his eyes and sat forward in his seat again.

"Warrick," Catherine hissed, her gaze flitting between the road and his face. "Is she okay?"

"I don't know," he whispered mournfully. "Brass said he'd fill us in on the details when we get there."

"But he must have said…"

"Nothing," Warrick told her angrily, "he said nothing."

"She'll be fine Warrick," Catherine soothed, hoping that she still had the chance to repair the damage she'd already caused between herself and Sara.

"I hope so Cath, I really hope so," he groaned as he ran his hands through his hair worriedly. "She's gotta be."

"Okay, we're heading to Lake Mead, did Brass tell you where exactly?"

"Yeah, sorry," he sighed, smiling slightly when she tried to lighten the mood. "Lake Drive, he said it's the only house along that road."

"We'll find it," she nodded with a warm smile, knowing that there was at least a little hope on the horizon. Sara was safe now, that was all that mattered.

Grissom and Nick sat silently outside of the room where Sara had just been taken into. Nick desperately wanted to say something, anything that would calm both of their fears, but he couldn't think of a single thing to say.

Chancing a quick glance in Grissom's direction, he could see that the older man beside him was slowly losing the tenuous battle that raged inside him. He'd kept his emotions intact so far, but it was only a matter of time before they consumed him.

Grissom felt helpless. He couldn't help thinking that Sara's misery was all of his doing and if he'd only opened up to her sooner then she wouldn't have had to go through this nightmare.

"Do you think he…" Nick's voice trembled as he spoke, his heart aching painfully as he tried to push the thoughts from his mind. "Could he have…raped…her?"

Grissom's heart thundered loudly in his chest; he hadn't even considered that possibility. His whole body ached against the growing anger that raged inside him to the point where he couldn't stand it any longer.

Standing abruptly, he swallowed the lump in his throat and closed his eyes briefly. "I'm going for a walk."

"What if the doctor comes for us?"

"I won't be long," Grissom muttered painfully, already feeling the tears stinging inside his eyes. He had to get out of here.

Nick watched him walk away, knowing that Grissom was fighting his own internal war. Sara had managed to get under the skin of every man she'd met, all of them falling in love with her in different ways. He smiled sadly when he thought of all the teasing smiles she'd thrown his way when they'd shared a joke over something. He loved her in his own way, and she was still one of his closest friends, even though he had been lacking in the friendship department for quite some time.

Grissom…He'd never quite understood why Sara held so many deep feelings for the man when all he seemed to do was cause her pain at every opportunity. After all the times when she'd tried to withdraw inside her own little world to hide away from all of the pain, it had been obvious, even then as to the cause.

With a heavy sigh, Nick leaned back into the plastic chair and rested his head against the wall. Closing his eyes in silent prayer, he waited quietly for any news in Grissom's absence.

Pushing open the washroom door, Grissom was relieved to find that it was just a one cubicle room and he turned around to lock the door. The last hours had been a living hell that continued to tear him apart with so many memories and deeply felt regrets.

Sighing shakily, he made his way over to the sink and started to run the cool water into the basin, hoping that the cold liquid would wash away his emotions. Lifting his head, he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and wondered, not for the first time, why a woman like Sara would even want to be with someone like him.

Her smiling face drifted into his mind and he was reminded of all the times when he would have waited an eternity for that smile. He had loved her for so long that he couldn't remember a time when he hadn't been consumed with her. She had quickly become everything he'd ever wanted, and because of his cowardice, he had turned her away.

Her beautiful image soon faded away to be replaced with the sadness in her eyes that he'd seen so many times in recent months. Her beautiful smile had slipped away, lost somewhere in another time, a time when he could have changed things between them.

Closing his eyes, her image returned, but her beautiful face blended with the pale, bloodied figure that had haunted him since they'd found her.

His body protested as he tried to return to the safety of his walls, but he was finding it harder and harder to hide. Sara had found her way inside his defences and stolen his heart right before his eyes, even though he had tried his hardest to resist her.

The emotions that he had been keeping at bay since this whole awful experience had began suddenly burnt within him again, this time so powerful that they stole the breath from his lungs. Bending forward, he rested his elbows onto the sink and tried to regain his composure but his heartache wouldn't be silenced this time.

Opening his eyes, he noticed the blood that covered his hands, and suddenly felt his strength slipping away. Hot tears stung his eyes and the lump inside his throat burned a path of anguish in its wake and he found himself unable to control it.

One tear slipped from his eyes to roll down his face only to be followed by another, until he couldn't contain his sorrow anymore. His whole body shook with shuddering sobs as he released the pain that had ached to consume him for so long. He could have lost her this time. How many times would he have to witness her pain before he finally understood that it could be too late? Nothing or no one could replace her, ever.

There weren't many things in this world that could reduce Gil Grissom to a tearful wreck, but one of those things was the woman that had had his unspoken love for so many years. He knew what he'd almost lost now and he knew that he was the only one who had the power to change his future as well as hers.

Lifting his head, he tried to push the emotions away and regain some kind of control, but whenever he thought that he could cry no more, new tears glistened in his eyes. Taking a deep shuddering breath, Grissom gave himself a mental shake and dipped his hands under the tap to cup some cold water to scrub Sara's blood from his skin. He stared down at the red tinted water, feeling the lump in his throat squeezing the breath from his lungs. Closing his eyes briefly, he cupped fresh water and splashed it over his burning eyes, hoping that he could erase some of the memories that stilled set his heart aflame.

His whole body ached but in some ways he felt more alive than he had ever felt before. He knew that he'd been given a second chance and he was ready to open up to her. Standing up straighter, he took another look in the mirror. His reflection showed a man who had released the weight on his shoulders, and a man who had been cleansed. He was ready now to take the next step with his life, so holding his head high, he left the safety of the washroom and started the short walk back to Sara's room.

Nick looked up when Grissom approached. He could see the obvious signs that Grissom had been crying and that in itself shocked Nick to his very core. He nodded silently when Grissom retook the seat beside him, knowing that he was witnessing the birth of a new man.

Suddenly all the angry retorts he'd planned for Grissom's return slowly died away. Grissom had shown how much he actually cared, even though he had tried so desperately to hide it, and that was all Nick needed.

The doors to Sara's current room opened suddenly causing both men to rise up out of their chairs in unison.

"We're moving her to her own room now," the doctor smiled reassuringly as he approached them. "Miss Sidle lost a lot of blood but we've managed to stop the bleeding and get her hooked up for a blood transfusion."

"How is she, doc?" Nick asked worriedly.

"She'll make a full recovery," he smiled " but she'll still need to remain in hospital for at least three days."

"Were there any signs of…assault?" Grissom couldn't even bring himself to say the words but the doctor knew.

"No, she wasn't raped, if that's what's worrying you." He told them reassuringly. "Under the circumstances of where she was found and what she must have endured, I'd say she's actually in pretty good shape."

Both Nick and Grissom let out the breath they had been holding, grateful that this was one less hurdle to overcome.

"Can we see her?" Nick asked.

"Yes, just give us a few minutes to settle her into her bed and the nurse will come and get you," he nodded. "She's a very lucky young woman."

"Yeah," Nick nodded sadly when he saw Grissom sink back down into his chair. "She's a tough cookie."

"Were there any other injuries?" Grissom asked quickly, his voice echoing in his ears as he spoke.

"She has some nasty bruising on her upper arms and over her left eye. There's some scratching and gashes to her right hip and spine." Shaking his head silently, the doctor regarded the two men with a sympathetic gaze. "She's been through what can only be described as physical abuse, so prepare yourselves for the possibility of her needing some kind of counselling when she's well enough."

"I'll kill him," Grissom seethed, his voice low inside his throat as he slowly stood up again.

"Get in line boss," Nick hissed, his eyes once again filling with emotion as he tried to block her bloodied image out of his mind.

"I work with Dr Lurie and I wouldn't have ever believed he was capable of something like this," the doctor shook his head in disgust. "He doesn't seem…"

"Well believe it," Nick snapped.

A nurse came from Sara's new room and walked towards them, cutting off the doctor's unasked question. She offered the three men a tentative smile and nodded towards Grissom, "You can see her now."

"Thank you," Grissom answered softly, the relief in his voice removing the anger that had only moments ago possessed him. Walking past Nick he started to follow the nurse, blind in his desperation to see the only woman he'd ever loved.

Nick swallowed the lump in his throat as he nodded his thanks to the doctor, and then silently followed Grissom down the corridor.

Brass stared into the bloodied bedroom, still unable to comprehend what had happened here. Part of him wanted to be down the hospital, his silent vigil adding to the barrage of people who had no doubt already arrived.

Sara's lucid body still haunted him and he knew that it would be a long time before the image faded from his mind. From his place on the first floor landing he heard Warrick's gruff voice as he entered the house.

"Brass?" Catherine's voice called out to him as both she and Warrick made their way up the staircase towards him.

Blinking back the moisture in his eyes, Brass turned around to face them and tried to offer them his usual trademark smile, but it came as more of a grimace.

Warrick's scrutinizing eyes had already picked up on the bloodied foot prints that had imprinted themselves into the carpet and he found himself choking on his own breath.

"Sara?" Catherine asked in a whisper, her eyes already filling with tears.

"She's not good," Brass told her, his own voice shaking as he spoke. "They took her to the hospital half hour ago."

Warrick pushed past him and nudged open the bedroom door and found himself face to face with something that resembled a slaughter house. "Oh God…" he gasped.

"War…" Catherine's voice died on her lips when she came to stand beside him in the doorway. "Oh God…Sara…"

"Let's get to work," Warrick told her as he tried to convince himself that this was like any other crime scene they'd worked on.

Catherine watched him walk slowly into the room, her eyes following the blood spatter that covered the windows and adorned the once white satin sheets. She could already feel the bile rising in her throat but she pushed it back quickly, her mind already re enacting the crime scene in her mind.

"Looks like she tried to escape," she whispered when she walked towards the smashed window. Opening her kit, she snapped on her gloves and took out a swab before touching the tip of it against the sticky blood that was now drying on the glass.

Warrick walked around the bed and photographed the bloodied covers, working on autopilot as he moved around the room.

Catherine closed her eyes briefly, trying to regain some control over her emotions before continuing. Taking a deep breath, she took out some more swabs and dabbed them onto the blood stains that adorned the floor.

"I've got a shoe print," Warrick muttered, bending down to photograph it closely. "Man's shoe, size 12."

"Big feet," Catherine mused as she came around to stand beside him. Her eyes focused in on the perfect blood imprint and she bent down to make a photograph of it. "There's a lot of blood," she whispered while she worked, her worried voice hoping to get some type of response from the man beside her, but he remained silent.

Sighing heavily, Catherine swallowed the lump forming in her throat and continued with her work. This would stay with the team for a very long time, she just hoped that it would serve to strengthen them and pull them together instead of pulling them apart. Well, she mused, she would make things right with Sara, she only hoped she had a chance to try.

Grissom hovered in the doorway to Sara's room. The heart moniter beeped a rhythmic hum throughout the room, the sound calming his own heart. Taking a tentative step, he walked slowly over to her bed and found his gaze drifting over her sleeping face.

There were so many things he needed to say to her but he didn't know where to start. He could already feel a new wave of fresh tears stinging in his eyes but he didn't know if he had the strength to push them away this time.

Nick stepped into the room only to hover in the doorway as he fought his own internal battle for release. Grissom knew he should say something to him, maybe find some words of comfort but he couldn't trust his voice to speak without releasing his own anguish. So, nodding silently, he acknowledged the silent console for them both.

Taking a little courage from his already battered emotions, Grissom pulled a chair closer to Sara's bed. Sitting down slowly he ran his eyes over her prone body once more before silently reaching for her hand. The second he touched her he was relieved to feel the warmth emanating from her skin into his own, and closed his eyes briefly to relish the feel of her.

"She's so pale," Nick whispered brokenly as he took a step closer to the bed. His eyes flooded with emotion when he saw Grissom's fingers stroking Sara's hand and for a moment he felt like an intruder, witnessing something that he had no right to see.

Grissom opened his eyes again and nodded silently. Sara's skin was incredibly pale and her usually pink lips were almost just as pallid. His eyes scanned her face lovingly only to fall onto the angry bruises that adored her skin. Slow anger welled up inside his chest and not for the first time he wanted to find Lurie and rip him apart for what he had put her through.

"You think she's gonna be okay?" Nick asked softly, his voice no louder than a whisper.

"She has to be," Grissom's voice broke as he traced a finger tip over the bruises covering her arm. Closing his eyes tightly against the stinging tears, he kept his voice low. "You should call Catherine."

"I…" Nick swallowed the lump in his throat and nodded in defeat. Taking a step back he reached the door only to turn back to take a final glance into the stillness of the room. "I'll give you some time alone with her," he whispered.

Grissom's eyes snapped open and he looked up just in time to see Nick's retreating form. Taking a deep breath, he reached up to wipe away the first beginnings of tears and slipped his fingers through hers, drawing strength from the contact of their skin. With a heavy sigh he leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, their entwined fingers giving him both comfort and courage at the same time.

The rhythmic beeps of the heart moniter lulled him into a warm sense of awareness and he allowed himself to relax a little within her grasp. He wasn't a religious man, but he was well aware of how many silent prayers he had offered over the last 24 hours.

Some time later a sudden movement brought him to wakefulness and he sat up straighter in his chair and looked around him. There was no one else in the room with them and he started to wonder if he'd imagined it, until he turned back towards Sara's bed.

She was awake and silently watching him, her eyes following his every movement.

"Sara," he gasped, his eyes suddenly flooding with relief. Moving closer towards her, he bent over the bed so he could look directly into her eyes. "You're awake."

Sara's lips moved slowly as she fought to whisper something but he couldn't make out what she was trying to say. Leaning a little closer he moved in close enough to feel her wispy breath on his cheek.

"Dream?" she whispered.

His eyes filled with emotion as he turned to look down into her eyes. "No honey, no dream."

"Lurie…"

"Has been arrested. He can't hurt you anymore." Sniffing back the wetness in his eyes he tried to offer her a reassuring smile.

"Hurts…" she mumbled as she fought to stay awake for a little longer.

Grissom reached a hand to her cheek and gently stroked her face with his fingers. "I was so scared, Sara..." His words trailed off when he saw that she'd once again slipped back into slumber. He took a few moments to gaze down onto her face and relished the feel of her warmth beneath his fingers. This time he had come too close to losing her.

"Am I interrupting?" a voice spoke hesitantly from the doorway, and Grissom turned to see Brass standing there, his eyes bearing the same haunted look as his own.

"She just woke up," he whispered softly as he moved away from her only to return to his seat.

Brass came further into the room and blinked back tears when he saw the bruises on her body. "That's good," he whispered shakily.

"He hurt her, Jim," Grissom's voice ached with anger and he found himself reaching for her hand again, her touch calming him. "He'll pay this time."

"Yeah, he will Gil," Brass sniffed and tried to smile in a bid to hide his anguish, but it wouldn't work.

"I…we could have lost her, Jim," Grissom's voice cracked as he spoke, his whole body fighting against the outpouring emotions that threatened to consume him again.

"She's one special lady," Brass whispered as he cast a sympathetic gaze over his friend who was slowly starting to lose his grip on his emotions. "She's tough Gil."

"Yeah, but even the toughest person has to have a breaking point, Jim. I'm afraid of how this is going to affect her long term." Grissom squeezed her hand as he spoke, hoping to keep the connection between them from deteriorating.

"She has a lot of support," Brass nodded, more for his own reassurance than Grissom's.

"Yeah, she does."

"You want some company?" Brass asked softly, part of him hoping he'd accept the offer, but the other half hoping he would decline.

"We're fine," Grissom nodded, his eyes returning to the woman beside him.

"Okay, I'm gonna go back to work…"

Grissom nodded silently, unable to take his eyes off of Sara for a second. Before Brass could leave, he looked up again. "Thanks Jim."

Brass nodded silently before he left, taking one more look at Sara before turning to exit the room.

TBC


	6. 6

**Huge thanks as always to Marlou for beta-ing and to Battus, Suzy, niff and Laura Katharine for their encouragement. Thank you to everyone who has sent in a review, you guys are the best.**

****

It was a little over seven hours later when Sara finally opened her eyes again. Her breath was rasping against her chest as she tried to escape the nightmarish images that tore at her mind.

In her own pitch-black darkness, the abuse she had suffered from the hands of Vincent Lurie still held her captive.

Her eyes saw not a hospital room but a prison, and Grissom's hand in hers a restraint. Gasping for breath she tried to pull her hand away but she didn't seem to have any strength left within her. Then suddenly everything changed with the sound of one voice, a soothing echo that her mind had clung on onto in a bid to free her.

Grissom stood up beside the bed, his attempts to calm her seeming to have a slow effect. Lifting a hand to her hair, he stroked her silken strands, all the while whispering for her to come back to him. That she was safe.

Sara blinked hard, scrunching her eyes tightly closed, afraid of the lies her eyes would make her see. She had been fooled before when her treacherous emotions had sent her into a false security and she'd only awakened to be still incarcerated in her prison.

"Sara, it's okay." Grissom soothed, all the while smoothing his hand over her hair. "Honey, open your eyes."

"No…" her voice slurred as she struggled to free herself from this nightmare as well as the weakness that still held her as its unwilling victim, but the more Grissom tried to reassure her, the more violently she shook her head in denial. Scrunching her eyes closed she tried to retreat as far into herself as possible, but even as tears spilt out from under her lids to cascade down the side of her face, she knew she had already lost the battle.

"Sara, please," he whispered, his own voice breaking into a sob when she refused to believe him.

"No…you're not Grissom…"

"Honey, I swear to you it's me, Grissom…" Taking a deep breath he squeezed her hand again, trying to offer her his reassurance.

"No…" she whispered brokenly, her voice whimpering against her words. "Grissom hates me…"

For a moment he sucked in a breath and gasped as a painful strike was delivered right to his heart. How could she ever think…But then the past year flashed into his mind, one picture of rejection following another like some kind of sick slide show. Swallowing the lump in his throat he squeezed her hand tighter before he could trust his own voice. "I don't hate you, Sara. I have never hated you and I'm so sorry that you thought I did."

Something in his voice seemed to calm her and she stopped shaking her head from side to side and slowly opened her eyes. For a few seconds she blinked away the stinging in her eyes and tried to focus on her surroundings. She could feel her heart racing as she slowly scanned the room, her eyes focussing on the IV in her hand. She followed the tubing all the way up to the bag of replacement blood that was seeping into her veins, replenishing that which she had lost. Shaking her head of the images that invaded her mind, she started to panic again until her gaze finally landed on Grissom who was hovering beside her.

"I'm real," he whispered softly as he slid a hand down her arm to link his fingers through hers.

Sara could see the welling tears in his eyes and for a moment she just watched him, mesmerized. She could count on one hand the amount of times when she had seen Grissom close to losing his emotions, and for another heart stopping moment she thought this was just another dream.

Then the events of the most recent events suddenly crashed through her mind and she remembered everything with perfect clarity from Nick's promotion, to her abduction. Lifting her free hand shakily to her eyes, she twisted her wrist and gasped at the sting that accompanied the movement.

The bandages surrounding her wounds had seeped with drops of blood that had dried to leave a tell tale sign of injuries on the gauze. Sara stared at the bandages warily, remembering the moments when she punched blindly at the glass window, ignoring the blood that seeped through her fingers. She remembered in that moment what it had felt like to be released from the burdens she carried when she felt her life slowly slipping from her grasp, and that the thought of dying, away from the people she loved had filled her with more fear than she had ever felt before.

Thoughts of what could have happened brought a terrifying grip to her heart and she squeezed her eyes shut again. Grissom shifted nervously beside her and she thought about pulling her hand from his and rolling onto her side, away from him, but she wanted to feel him for as long as she could. She'd begged for a release from Lurie's clutches, making promises to whoever was listening that she would set Grissom free, knowing that if she survived, the price she had to pay would break her in the end. Grissom deserved to be released from her restraints, and she loved him enough to let him go.

"You're safe," he reassured her, his voice breaking through the aching in her heart, bringing her back to him only to remind her once again why she loved him so much.

Grissom watched her eyes close and felt his heart clench inside his chest. She needed him to be strong for her now, no matter how much his feelings for her terrified him. His eyes travelled down to their linked hands in wonder, and he knew that he would never forget how she had felt against him, or how his heart had beat inside his chest when he'd seen her bloodied body. "Sara…talk to me."

She heard his voice catch in his throat but kept her eyes closed so she wouldn't have to see the pain in his, pain that she had caused him. Tears leaked out from her closed lids to trickle down her cheeks and into her hair, but she couldn't face him, not yet.

"I can't begin to imagine what it must have been like for you," Grissom whispered as he lifted a finger to her face, stopping the track of the salty droplet. "I wish I could take it all away for you, we all do. You're a part of us Sara, even if you think you aren't."

_Us as in the team_…Sara's mind swam with images of past and present, everything churning into the knowledge that in those few words he'd spoken to her, he'd given her so much only to take it all away again. "I'm…sorry," she whispered, her voice catching in her throat.

"Sara, it's not your fault."

"It's _all_ my fault." Her voice broke and she slowly opened her eyes again to focus on his face, memorizing every line. By the time she reached his eyes it suddenly dawned on her that he was really beside her, that he wasn't just a conjured up image that her mind had created. He was real, touching her willingly, and slowly she felt her courage draining away. Everything in his eyes told her that he wanted her to tell him that everything was okay now, but instead of telling him the truth she backed away from it, hiding behind her false charade. "I'm really tired."

Grissom watched her slipping away from him but he didn't know what to do. Reaching a hand to her hair, he stroked the strands between his fingers for a few seconds and then pulled them away. There were so many things that he needed to say to her, many of them things that she had needed to hear from him for a long time, but he didn't know if he had the courage to voice them, even now, even after everything that had happened to her. Still he was fighting.

Taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth to say something but then changed his mind just as quickly. Voicing his feelings had never been his strong suit, and now that he needed to tell her, his voice had failed him.

A noise in the doorway alerted him to another's presence and he looked up to see Nick hovering in the doorway.

Nick's arrival came as a welcome distraction and he could feel his heart rate slowing down when provided with another escape from his feelings.

"How is she?" Nick asked in a whisper as he walked quietly into the room.

"She was awake a little while ago," Grissom told him, his voice lowered as he stood up and offered Nick his chair.

"Gris, you look beat. Why don't you go and grab something to eat and get some rest. I'll stay with her for a while."

Grissom looked down at Nick, considering his words, and he had to admit he was a little hungry, but he didn't want to leave her just yet. "I'll call Catherine and see how her and Warrick are coming on with the evidence at the scene."

"You need to rest some Grissom," Nick insisted, "Go and eat something okay?"

Grissom sighed in defeat and nodded slowly. "I'll be half an hour."

"I'll call you if there's any change," Nick nodded, his dark eyes watching Grissom intently as he turned and slowly made his way towards the door only to turn back and cast a silent gaze over the woman in the bed.

When he had gone, Nick lowered his tired body into Grissom's vacated chair and reached over to Sara's shoulder. "He's gone Sara, you can turn around now."

Sara opened her eyes in surprise and turned her head to slowly look at him. Her silent gaze drifted over his face and for the first time she noticed how lost he looked.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired, sore…" she croaked, her voice breaking as she closed her eyes again briefly before reaching for his hand. When she found the courage to hold his gaze she tried to smile but her lips failed to respond, and then she whispered softly…"Scared."

"I know, Sar," he whispered as he manoeuvred himself closer to her bed. "It really will be alright now, I promise you."

"You can't promise that," she told him in a whisper, her body shaking as she spoke. "What if he does it again?"

"Sweetheart, he…" His voice trailed off when her face paled. He watched as she pulled her hand roughly from his and started to shake violently. He stepped closer to her worriedly but she held up a hand to stop him.

"I feel sick," she hissed, pulling herself over to the opposite side of the bed before heaving, her stomach burning through lack of food.

"I'll get the doctor…"

"No," she groaned lowly as she pulled herself back onto her back and wiped her mouth. "Don't…no more…please?"

"Sara you're sick…sweethea…"

"Don't," she growled, her eyes blazing with a mixture of fear and self loathing as she glared at him. "Don't call me that…HE… called me that…don't ever…"

"I'm sorry," he told her quickly, sitting up to reclaim her hand only to stroke it gently with his fingers as he tried to calm her fears. "I should've known better. I'm real sorry."

Sara closed her eyes against the burning inside her eyes. "I don't know what to do."

"Sara, we're all here for you okay? We'll get through this." Pulling himself up out of the chair he perched on the side of the bed and took her other hand in his. "Sara?"

"I thought I was going to die there," she whispered brokenly, her eyes still closed tightly as she spoke. "I couldn't see a way out and I...Oh God Nick, I was going to die"

"Thank God you didn't Sara," he whispered as he squeezed her hands again, fighting his own emotions. "We thought we'd lost you."

"I was so scared," she told him, her voice breaking as she opened her eyes to reveal the pain that coursed throughout her body. "He wanted me and I tried so hard to find a way out…you have to believe me…"

"Honey, calm down. Don't even think about that right now. You're safe, that's all that matters here." Nick lifted one of her hands to his face and kissed her palm gently before sniffing back the tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry I made you come to that bar…I'm sorry I made you come out to celebrate…if I hadn't have insisted…"

"Don't," she whispered sadly, "please don't."

"When we came out of the bar and your SUV was still there…" his voice trailed off and a tear slipped from his eyes to trickle down his cheek. "God, Sara…I don't care anymore about some stupid promotion…when I think how we could have lost you."

"I'm still here, the only difference is that I've lost everything," she whispered, turning her head away from him as her ebbing courage finally stopped retreating and forced her to see her reality. "There's nothing left for me anymore."

"Sara?"

Closing her eyes again, she let the pain release the tears as her voice cracked. "Lurie told me that no one in my world loved me and as much as I didn't want to hear it, I knew he was telling the truth."

"Sara, that's not true," Nick told her, his voice rising as he squeezed her hands tighter. "Look at me?"

Outside in the corridor, Grissom had heard the last snippet of the conversation and stopped dead in his tracks. Vincent Lurie had crashed into their lives and left a wave of destruction in his wake, only this time, the damage was going to take a long time to repair. Stepping into the doorway, he listened, unnoticed.

"I know you love me Nick, but it's not what he meant and I know he's right," closing her eyes again she sobbed quietly. "I have to give up someone that I've held so close for a long time, and as much as I want to believe it, I know he doesn't love me and it's my fault he's suffering."

"Who?"

"Doesn't matter now," she sniffed, her voice shaking as she opened her eyes again. "I made a promise to myself that if I survived I would do the one thing he wanted from me. And I survived…so…I have to let him go now. I've kept him grounded for long enough and he deserves to be happy."

"So do you, Sara."

"People like me rarely live to be happy Nick," she told him softly, her voice breaking again as she spoke. "I'm used to being alone, it's who I am."

Grissom's eyes stung with emotion when he realized that he was the one she was talking about, and his heart ached with remorse as he silently screamed out that he didn't want to be released.

"You're not alone anymore, Sara."

"You don't get it do you?" she whispered as she closed her eyes. "I have nothing left to give anyone...not now."

"Sara?"

"It's okay Nick," she whispered, her tiny smile failing to reach her eyes. Laying herself deeper into her pillows she closed her eyes again, and gingerly reached up to touch her swollen face. "I should've seen it coming."

Nick swallowed the anger and pain that was welling inside him and shifted slightly on the bed. This was Sara's defence mechanism, something he'd noticed about her since the first time he'd met her. She would build a wall so thick around herself that no one could tell what she was thinking, but it still hurt to see her already trying to be strong and push the nightmare to the far reaches of her mind. She was trying to forget and forge the tough mask that she had always tried to project, but he wasn't sure that he, or anyone else on the team could forget this, or move on, in a hurry.

"It's okay to be scared, Sara," he whispered softly as he spoke, hoping that he could save her before she retreated so far away from him that he couldn't pull her back again. "You have no idea how scared we were when you were missing."

Sara kept her eyes closed when his words became too much to bear. She had been absolutely terrified when she'd realized who had been her captor. It was a feeling she would never forget, no matter how many times she tried to hide from it.

"He took my clothes," she told him brokenly, her voice no more than a whisper. Opening her eyes slowly, she turned to him and swallowed hard. "Nick…he…he…"

Before Nick could respond, Grissom took this as his cue to step into the room again and pretend that he'd heard nothing of their earlier conversation. "Sara?"

"Oh God," she breathed, her stomach rolling in waves of nausea as she recoiled back into the pillows again.

Nick watched her carefully, his own eyes already welling with concern. He turned to look at Grissom, his desperation to somehow help his friend overpowering everything else in his mind. Nick could see the sorrow in the older man's eyes and knew instantly who Sara had been talking about earlier.

"I'll stay with her now, Nick," Grissom told him softly. "Catherine's expecting you back at the lab."

"What?"

"The lab, Nick," Grissom repeated gently, hoping to separate Nick from both his need to help and his reluctance to leave. "Cath needs you back at the lab."

"But…"

"It's okay Nick," a small voice came from the bed, causing both men to turn and look at the pale woman in the bed. "I'll be fine. Life has to go on."

"Sara!"

"She'll be fine Nick," Grissom assured. "I promise you."

Taking a deep breath, Nick turned back to Sara and bent down to place a soft kiss on her forehead, hovering over her protectively for a few seconds before drawing away to smile affectionately down at her. "Feel better."

Sara nodded silently and watched him leave, his retreating form bringing a painful acceptance into the room. Maybe if she was honest with Grissom now then it wouldn't hurt so much, but then again, when hadn't it hurt? Swallowing the lump in her throat, she turned her head slightly to watch Grissom hovering beside her bed. "You don't have to stay with me if you have somewhere else you'd rather be."

Her words coursed a burning path right to his heart and his eyes stung again with unshed tears. Taking courage from his feelings he ignored her words and sat down into the chair beside her bed. "I want to be here."

"Why?"

"Excuse me?" he asked quickly as if he hadn't understood the question.

Sara closed her eyes against the burning in them, knowing that Grissom didn't deserve this treatment, especially now. When she opened her eyes again she noticed that he had leaned in closer towards the bed and that his hand hovered over hers.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm just trying…I can't…"

"I know," he told her quickly, his words cutting her off mid sentence. Reaching out towards her, he took one of her hands in his and stroked his thumb along the ridges of her bandaged wrist.

For a moment Sara revelled in his touch and allowed herself to be lost in the love she'd imagined for so long. Meeting her own courage head on, she met his gaze expecting to find him hidden behind his walls, but found herself rendered speechless by what she saw.

"I'm fine," she whispered, hoping she sounded more convincing than she actually felt.

"No you're not," he replied, his voice dripping with raw emotion, it was time he took control, he had to, for both of them. Slipping his hand down further, he caught her fingers and squeezed them gently. For a few silent moments they stared at each other, both of them trying to read the others thoughts. "Sara," he whispered, his voice caught in a gravelled whisper. "I'm…sorry."

"Don't," she whimpered, closing her eyes tightly to rid herself of this never ending pain. "Please…" she managed to whisper before her voice cracked beneath the strain of her emotions.

Grissom watched her carefully and shook his head in confusion. "Don't?" he asked softly, "I'm sorry honey, I don't understand."

"Grissom," she gasped his name, the sound echoing around the room in a mournful wail. "You don't have to be here, not anymore…"

"Will you please stop?" he groaned almost angrily, his head falling onto their joined hands. "This is so hard for me."

"I know," she told him softly as her eyes welled with emotion. "I made a promise when I...You don't have to feel this way anymore… I won't make things harder than they already are for you."

Lifting his head he looked up at her questioningly, finding himself mesmerized with the wet tracks that littered her swollen face. He knew what she was trying to say, he'd heard it while he waited outside in the corridor, but she had to know that he didn't want to lose her, not now, not ever.

Standing up from the chair, he stood next to her bed and gazed down at her and suddenly realized that he had loved her for over a decade. "Sara, I don't know what it is you think you know, but I do want to be here with you."

Shaking her head, she kept her eyes closed as the tears leaked out to track down the side of her face. "I know you want to be here now, but when I'm out of here you'll feel differently."

"No…"

"I heard you," she told him quickly, opening her eyes and cutting off his voice mid sentence.

"What?"

"I heard everything you said," she whispered, her voice crumbling into silent sobs as she tried to pull her hand from his. "You told Lurie that you couldn't do it, that I wasn't worth the risk…and now…you don't have to worry about it anymore…you're free of me…"

"Sara…" his eyes filled with tears as he struggled to find something to say that could explain to her why he'd said the things he had. His mouth opened and closed, but no words came out and he knew she needed more than just words from him right this moment.

Moving closer, he kept hold of her hand while he lifted himself up onto the bed beside her and squeezed her fingers tighter. "Look at me."

Sara closed her eyes and turned her face away from him, still afraid that this was just the same dream that she had always had, only this time Grissom's absence would only hurt so much more. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she slowly opened her eyes again and turned her head back to look at him expectantly, waiting for another denial from him, another rejection.

"I've been a fool," he started, his voice catching in his throat as he tried to get the words out. "I…Sara, this is so hard."

"I know," she whispered, dropping her eyes from his as the tears started again. Her voice shook along with her body but she was so tired of fighting it. "I thought…when he…Oh God…"

"It's okay," he soothed, reaching for her other hand with his to cradle them in his lap.

"No," she sniffed, shaking her head. "It's not okay…I thought I was going to die…I thought I'd never have a chance…"

Without thinking, Grissom moved closer and gathered her trembling body in his arms as he tried to heal them both with his touch. "It's over, honey. He can't hurt you anymore."

His words opened a floodgate that coursed through her body, washing away all the sorrow that had entrapped her for so long. Her sobs flowed into his body, her lithe frame entangled in his warmth as she let everything go.

"It's okay," he soothed, rocking her as he spoke. "It's okay."

TBC


	7. 7

**Huge thanks as always to Marlou for beta-ing and thank's also to everyone who sent their well wishes both here, on the yahoo list and via email. Your support means so much, thank you.**

****

Catherine walked out into the warm Vegas sunshine and looked up into the cloudless sky. It had been a long night, one that had opened countless old wounds for everyone concerned.

"Hey Cath," Warrick sighed when he came out onto the parking lot to stand beside her. "You heading home?"

Turning to glance at him briefly she shook her head before returning her eyes to the sky. "I'm gonna go to the hospital."

"Yeah, me too."

"I spoke to Gil a few hours ago and he said Sara was sleeping." Sighing heavily she closed her eyes briefly against the guilt rising up inside her chest.

"Well that's good at least," Warrick nodded. "Nick was worried about her last night, said something about her seeming depressed…"

"Warrick?" Turning to face him she blinked back the anguish that welled up in her eyes. "She wouldn't have hurt herself intentionally would she?"

"What? No…not Sara." Shaking his head he reached out to place a warm hand on her arm. "She's been down for a while, and I know we don't have to guess too hard as to why, but she wouldn't do that to herself."

"But the blood?"

"She saw a chance for freedom and took it, I doubt she was thinking of much at all except getting out of there." Warrick squeezed her shoulder gently as he steered her over towards her car. "Come on, no point in hanging around here when we both want to be there with her."

"Yeah, I guess," she nodded sadly as she leaned into him. "What about Nick?"

"He went back to the hospital half an hour ago, he said he'd see us there."

Nodding silently she walked towards her car and pulled the door open. "Want to ride with me?"

"No I'll follow you down, I'm dropping Grissom home later." His face turned up into a smile as he opened the door to his own car. "See you there."

She nodded silently, her mind swimming when she thought of the blood spatter adorning that bedroom. Swallowing the ache in her chest, she climbed into her car and waited for Warrick before starting the engine and leaving the lab behind her.

Nick hovered in the doorway to Sara's room, amazed at the sight before him. Sara was propped up against the pillows, her hand entangled in Grissom's who was asleep in the chair next to her bed, his body bent forward so that his head was on the mattress beside her.

Sudden emotion welled up in Nick's eyes and he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from the sight before him. Sara's eyes were fluttering open every few seconds and each time she would stroke Grissom's fingers before dozing off again.

Backing out of the room again, he made his way to the nurses station and offered a bright smile to the nurse behind the desk. "Hi I'm Nick Stokes with the Las Vegas crime lab, I just looked in on my friend Sara Sidle and I just wanted to know how she's doing."

The nurse looked up at him for a few moments while she tried to link the patient's name to the patient. "Oh yes…She was a little unsettled earlier this morning when she woke up, but she soon settled down pretty quickly." Her smile lingered over her lips when she looked up into his eyes, "Her friend has a wonderful effect on her, he's helped her to sleep better than anything we could give her."

"Yeah, they're pretty tight," he nodded with a smile, his voice filtering away when the telephone beside her started to ring. "Thank you," he told her quickly before walking away from her desk and back towards Sara's room.

Sara opened her eyes when he entered this time, her eyes trying to focus on his face. "Nick?"

"Yeah, it's me," he whispered as he came closer to her bed, moving around the opposite side to where Grissom was still sleeping. "How are you feeling?"

She closed her eyes again and laid back into the pillows. "Sore."

"Yeah," he nodded. His voice seemed to stick inside his throat and his words suddenly dried up. He had no idea what to say to her, or to convey just how much this incident had rocked the very foundations of all of them. He was terrified of losing her, not just to Lurie but also to the nightmares that would continue to haunt her for a long time.

Beside the bed, Grissom stirred awake and slowly opened his eyes. Pushing himself upwards, he winced at the crick in his back and moved his neck from side to side to ease the pressure.

"Hey," Sara whispered softly, her voice sounding so soft that Nick couldn't remember a time when he'd heard her speak in that tone.

Grissom's eyes found hers and he instantly squeezed her hand gently. "You're awake?"

"Yeah."

"How are you feeling?" Sitting up straighter he caught sight of movement out of the corner of his eyes and frowned worriedly when he saw Nick stood at the other side of her bed. "Nick…how long…?"

"A few minutes. Don't worry, I haven't been here long myself." Taking a step closer, Nick perched himself onto the edge of Sara's bed and reached out for her other hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Have you been to the lab?" Sara asked quietly, dropping her eyes to the blanket that covered her lower body.

"Yeah I have," Nick told her softly as his eyes darted to Grissom's worriedly.

"Was he there?"

"Sara…" Grissom started, his voice breaking as he tried to sooth her fears, but she was having none of it.

"Was HE there?" she asked again, this time raising her eyes to Nick's, causing him to gasp at the intensity in them.

"No, I don't know…Look Sara…Brass has it covered okay…you don't have to worry."

She closed her eyes again and shook her head. "He thought I was her…" 

"Excuse me, am I interrupting?" someone asked from the doorway, causing the two men in the room to turn and see Conrad Ecklie and Brass standing there.

"What are you doing here Conrad?" Grissom almost growled as he got to his feet, ready to defend Sara with everything he possessed.

"Day shift is handling this case," he told him, nodding towards Sara who watched him cautiously.

"I don't think so," Nick hissed as he stood to mirror Grissom's actions.

"Look, I know this isn't what you want, but Cavallo handed this to me because he feels you are all too close to the situation."

"Okay," Sara whispered tiredly.

"Sara," Grissom whispered worriedly, moving closer towards her so that he could clasp her hand in both of his. "You don't have to do this now."

"Yeah," she sighed tearfully, "I do."

"Are you sure? I can stay…"

"Would you?" She asked in a small voice.

"Of course." Looking up towards Nick he inclined his head towards the door. "It's okay."

Nick nodded silently and turned back to offer her a reassuring smile. "See you in a few."

She watched him as he left her room and shivered visibly when Ecklie pulled the door to her room closed.

"Okay, Sara, start from the beginning," Brass offered softly, his voice soothing her tattered nerves.

Grissom returned to his seat and sat down beside her again, his soft touch calming her senses and reassuring her that everything would be all right.

"Does he have to be here?" Sara asked tiredly, her eyes staring in Ecklie's direction.

"Not if you don't want him to be," Brass offered gently.

"I still need to collect evidence," Ecklie protested, stepping closer.

"Then take it and get out," Grissom told him angrily, his annoyance sparked by Sara's tense posture.

"He scratched me," she told them quietly, causing all three men to look upon her as she sat forward to shrug her arm out of the sleeve of the hospital nightgown that was covering her arms. "He'll have my skin cells under his nails."

Grissom gulped the nausea back down inside his throat and clenched a fist tightly against his thigh when he saw the shock in Ecklie's eyes. He opened his mouth to say something along the lines of 'get this done quickly', but when Ecklie's voice held a hundred different emotions, Grissom realized that Sara was indeed in good hands.

"I've already processed him, you needn't worry," Ecklie told her, his voice unfamiliarly gentle while he moved closer and took photos of the scratches and bruises on her arms and shoulders, his camera flashing brightly against the purple bruises covering her skin.

Taking a deep breath, Sara closed her eyes briefly before she slowly pulled the front of the gown lower to just above her breasts and showed him the ugly bruise that had formed over her chest. She could feel their eyes watching her and their shocked gasps only fuelling her desire to hide herself away, but she knew she had to be strong for her own sake.

Grissom swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to steer his eyes away from her injuries, but the more she bared them, the more disturbed he became. She had been through something that had affected all of them, shaking their existence and he wondered if they would ever get over this.

Ecklie too was shocked by the extent of her injuries and he shook his head in a bid to stop himself from saying something. "Okay, I have all I need."

Sara opened her eyes to look up at him and then sat back in the bed, watching him with newfound awareness. Ecklie had always been a thorn in Grissom's side, his bid to outdo the nightshift always causing chaos between the two shifts, but now in the quietness of her hospital room she could feel the truce emanating between them.

"Thank you Conrad," Grissom nodded quietly, knowing that something had happened in this room to bring a sort of peace between them, and he too could feel the changes in the way he and Ecklie now acknowledged one another.

"Not a problem," Ecklie nodded before looking back at Sara. "We'll make sure he goes down for this. Don't you worry anymore."

Tears gathered in Sara's eyes as she nodded silently, watching him as he opened the door and left, leaving silence hanging in the air. She could feel Grissom once again take hold of her hand and offer her some kind of reassurance that he would do everything in his power to help her.

"You don't have to do this now if you don't want to," Brass told her, his own eyes glistening with emotion.

Sara stared at him for a moment and shook her head, "I want this to be over."

"I know…" Grissom started, his voice catching in his throat.

Taking a deep breath, Sara lowered her eyes to Grissom's hand surrounding hers and started to speak, her voice shaking as she did. "I thought I was going to die…he…"

"Take your time," Brass whispered gently when her voice started to trail away.

Taking a deep breath she tried to compose herself and recall the memories that were still too fresh in her mind. "I…I was out celebrating Nick's promotion with him and Warrick… I only wanted to stay for a few minutes… but the guys persuaded me to stay a little longer…so… I left after about half an hour and walked over to my SUV…" She closed her eyes briefly before continuing, trying to focus on the events. "I dropped my keys on the floor and I bent to pick them up…but…I was grabbed from behind, and he was too strong…" A tear slipped down her cheek as she tried to remember and repress the memory at the same time. "I don't remember what happened after that…I'm sorry."

"It's okay honey," Grissom told her, his fingers stroking hers in reassurance as he spoke.

Opening her eyes, Sara focussed on Grissom's fingers, his touch lulling her fears slightly. "When I woke up…I thought I was dreaming…I thought…" She closed her eyes again to stop the tears from spilling over her cheeks, but they came anyway. "I was on a bed…and I could feel him next to me, I…" she stopped momentarily and took another breath. "He called me sweetheart…and then I knew even before I opened my eyes…"

Both men could see her struggling to remain in control and Brass moved forward to gently pat her leg beneath the blanket. "You're doing great, Sara…" he soothed.

Tears glistened her face as she tried to remember everything, needing to keep the memories alive. "I tried to get away from him… but he pinned me up against the window…he…he… tried to kiss me…I told him I wasn't her and he…and he…" her voice broke into a sob and her lips began to quiver as she tried to get the words out. "He said…he knew…"

"Sara," Grissom soothed as he squeezed her hand gently. "Nick mentioned to me that Lurie approached you when you were at the hospital a few months ago…" he told her softly, "Can you remember what he said to you?"

Sara sniffed and looked into his eyes sadly as she spoke. "I thought you were mad at me…I'm sorry I didn't tell you…"

"It doesn't matter now Sara," he smiled, "all that matters is putting Lurie behind bars where he belongs and to make you well again."

"He called me Debbie and grabbed my arm," she whispered. "Nick told him to back off and he pulled his hand off of me…I tried to forget it…"

"I know honey, it doesn't matter now," Grissom told her softly as he gave her fingers another gentle squeeze.

"Sara, at the house, why did you break the window?" Brass asked her, maintaining the softness in his voice as he spoke.

For a few moments she regarded him with confusion, until the memory returned, full force. "He'd nailed the windows shut…I couldn't see any way out." Closing her eyes again she shook her head slowly. "There was a lamp on the bedside table and I can't think why I hadn't noticed it before…I guess I only noticed it after I'd tried to find my clothes and he'd slapped me when I asked for them…I was so scared…" Shaking her head to rid herself of the images, she swallowed hard before finding her strength again. "I remember pulling a dress from the closet and pulling it on but there wasn't any underwear…" she gulped a breath before averting her eyes from them. "I didn't know what to do, so I just grabbed the lamp and threw it at the window…I remember feeling the breeze on my face when I threw it again but the lamp smashed through the glass…"

"You did good," Brass nodded.

"I wanted to get out of there and I just started to hit the glass with my fists…" She looked down at her bandaged arms. "I didn't think of anything else except getting out of there…but then I felt him pulling me back and I remember looking down at my hands and seeing blood…and I…" shaking her head she looked into Brass' eyes sadly. "I don't remember anything else."

"It's okay, Sara." Brass told her gently, the pride in his eyes evident as he looked at her with affection.

"It was the butterfly…" she told him quickly, as if the memory had only just sprang into her mind. "I didn't have a butterfly…"

"The tattoo?"

"Yeah…he freaked out when he realized I didn't have it…and I knew then…" Taking a shuddering breath she turned to Grissom then looked down at his hand in hers. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he asked quietly, squeezing her fingers in a bid to reassure her.

"I tried to be strong, but I let you down…I'm really sorry Grissom…"

Grissom caught the breath in his throat and turned to Brass quickly. "Could you leave us alone for a few minutes?"

"Sure," he smiled, "I'm done anyway." Reaching out a hand to Sara's blanket covered leg, he patted it gently and smiled his reassurance. "Feel better soon okay?"

Sara looked up into his eyes and saw his own emotions simmering just inside his eyes and something within her broke through her walls to release another wave of silent tears to roll down her face. She couldn't find any words to say to him, her mind had long since clammed up, forgetting witty responses and the light banter she had always shared with him, and right at this moment, nothing but misery washed over her. She watched him smile sadly and turn towards the door. Just before he opened it she found her voice. "Brass…"

He turned around to look at her, wondering if she knew just how much everyone around her actually adored her, himself included. He could see her struggling, her mouth opening and closing as she fought to speak. Shaking his head he offered her another smile. "I'll drop by and see you later."

Sara watched him for a few moments and numbly nodded her head as he left the room to close the door behind him.

For a few moments, silence hung in the air and she found herself trying to retreat back into the safety of her walls, but they wouldn't protect her anymore. Taking a deep breath, she focused on Grissom's hand in hers and waited for the inevitable conversation that would no doubt soon appear.

"Sara," he whispered, his voice urging her to look up at him, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Shifting slightly, Grissom moved in his chair so that he could focus more on her face and the silent tears that streamed down her cheeks. "Honey, please look at me?"

"I can't…"

"Sara…please…" Grissom's voice broke when he could feel the pain emanating throughout the room and he was powerless to help her. Shifting closer, he moved his other hand to encompass hers, nestling her fingers between his own. "I know I haven't been a very good friend…for a very long time…"

"It's okay," she whispered sadly, "I know…and I have tried so hard to move on…I'm sorry."

"Sara…"

"He told me that no one in my world loved me…" her voice broke as she relived the words that Lurie had taunted her with, knowing that part of it was true.

"He was trying to break you…Sara…I…"

"I was already broken," she whispered as she closed her eyes.

Grissom sucked in a painful breath when her words brought an ache to his heart, an ache so powerful that he had to remember to breathe. "I know…Nick said that you've been down…for a while."

"Doesn't matter now," she shook her head.

"It matters to me, Sara." He slid a finger over the bandages on her wrists to stroke the skin beneath her sleeves.

"I tried to fight him…" Opening her eyes again, she turned to look into his eyes, pleading with him to believe her. "I was…oh God…" she gasped in a breath and tried to fight the next wave of tears that tried to engulf her, but Grissom's touch was causing havoc with her defences.

"You did good," he told her gently. "Don't ever think that you've let anyone down, especially me."

There had always been something hanging between them, now more than ever and he knew the way forward was firmly based on his acceptance of crossing over the line between them. Taking courage from her touch, he rose from his chair and looked down at her. "I…would like to…" he stopped, closed his eyes to rethink his words. "What I'm trying to say is…Can I hold you?"

Sara's eyes snapped open and she looked up at him quickly, but before she could even think of an answer, the door opened slowly and Warrick popped his head around the door.

"Is it okay to come in?" He asked with a grin.

Grissom smiled down at Sara's still shocked face and squeezed her hand before looking behind him towards Warrick. "Come on in."

The door opened and Warrick stepped into the room, his face one big smile. Wasting no time, he made his way around the bed and bent over to kiss her forehead and pulled her into a gentle embrace. "Girl, don't ever scare us like that again you hear me?"

Sara's mind was till reeling from Grissom's earlier question, his readiness to be with her throwing her into chaos and she couldn't focus on anything but him right at this moment. She felt Grissom release her hand but still felt his presence, allowing her to relish the love in the room. Slowly, she slid one of her hands over Warrick's arms and returned his embrace with a weak one of her own.

When he pulled back he looked over her swollen face and felt the anger rising up into his heart. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm okay," she told him softly, trying to smile for him, but she couldn't seem to find the energy.

Warrick perched himself on the edge of her bed and tried to lighten the mood in the room. Reaching out, he took both of her hands in his and grinned. "So, are they feeding you decent food in here?"

"Food?" she muttered, screwing up her nose at the mere thought of it.

"That bad huh?" he grinned. "If you're up to it I'll drop in a veggie burger before work tonight."

"Thanks…I think…" Despite her earlier confusion, Sara couldn't help but feel her spirits lifting and broke out into a small smile.

Grissom sighed with relief when he saw some of Sara's spark returning, if only for a brief moment. Stepping closer, he looked down into her eyes and touched her shoulder gently. "I'm gonna go and grab a coffee, you want me to bring you anything…magazine…food?"

"No thanks," she told him softly, her heart already aching with his loss. She wanted to call out to him, anything that would stop him from leaving her, but she didn't.

Grissom could see the turmoil in her eyes and offered her what he hoped was a reassuring smile. His eyes focused on her face, the bruises only making him want to stay with her forever. In that moment he would have given anything to throw caution to the wind and reach down to kiss her, but that wouldn't be such a good idea at the moment, not with her still in hospital and with Warrick in the room, but he did want to kiss her.

"I'll see you in a few minutes," he told her, hoping that his voice hadn't betrayed his emotions.

Sara smiled at him, not quite her full Sara smile, but a smile nonetheless, and that was enough for him right now.

Outside in the corridor, Catherine sat in one of the plastic chairs next to Nick and didn't notice Grissom's soft approach.

It was Nick who noticed Grissom's arrival and broke off mid sentence to get up from his chair. "How is she?"

"She's good," Grissom nodded, his eyes flitting between Catherine and Nick, then back to Catherine again.

The air was charged with so many unsaid words that Nick suddenly felt like the intruder in a private conversation. "Uh…I'm gonna go and sit in with her and Warrick."

"Okay," Grissom nodded, his eyes thanking the younger man in silent acknowledgment.

Catherine watched Nick leave and turned her eyes back to Grissom who was looking off into space behind her.

"How are you doing, Gil?" She asked gently as she reached out to touch his arm.

"Fine," he nodded, even though he knew that was a blatant lie. He wasn't fine, he was confused and unable to think straight anymore.

"How's Sara?"

"She's been through hell," he whispered, and Catherine knew by the glazed look in his eyes and the softness in his voice that something had changed within him.

"She's tough. I've never known Sara to back away from a fight." Her words were meant to assure him, but even as they slipped from her tongue, she could feel the shift in the atmosphere.

"And you would know this, how?" he asked quickly, his voice charged with a mixture of anger and protection. "When was the last time you actually tried talking to her?"

She shook her head sadly, this conversation mirroring a previous emotional observation that was voiced by Warrick. "I know my faults Gil," she sighed. "I intend to change a few things and my relationship with Sara is one of them, but don't you stand here and chew me out over my dysfunctional attitude towards her when you haven't been that good a friend to her either."

Grissom stared at her as if she had suddenly grown a second head, her words hitting home with the truth that he had long since denied. He hadn't been a good friend in a very long time, he knew that, but Sara was very forgiving and he was humbled by the fact that even after everything, she still wanted to try. "I intend to mend a few fences too," he sighed, a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Well good," she smiled. "And so you should."

"All I can do is try my best, I just hope it's going to be enough."

"It'll be enough Gil," Catherine told him gently, her eyes lifting to rest on Sara's closed door. "Your advantage is that Sara will always forgive you. I however, I'm not so sure I can mend my bridges."

"You won't know until you try," he told her with a smile.

"I know, I'm just working my way up to it!"

"Look, Warrick and Nick want some time with her. I was gonna grab a coffee in the cafeteria, you want to join me?"

Catherine pondered on his offer for a few moments and nodded solemnly. "Yeah, okay." Turning with him, she started to walk beside him, lifting her eyes to his ashen face. "So…how is she…really?"

"Cath…" he sighed, his voice catching in his throat when he thought of Sara's injuries. "She's trying so hard, you know?"

"Yeah, I know," she soothed. "I know it's hard to watch someone you love going through pain, but I know she'll get through this."

Closing his eyes, he nodded slowly knowing that she spoke the truth. He would do anything in his power to take the memories away for her. With a silent understanding, he finally felt himself concede to defeat, and admit the one thing that his heart had tried to tell him for so long. He loved Sara Sidle.

TBC


	8. 8

**Huge thanks to Battus and Marlou for beta-ing this chapter for me, and for their constant support over the last week. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and sent well wishes for my husband, you guys are the best.**

****

Catherine watched Grissom silently as he stared into his coffee, his mind obviously elsewhere.

"So, have you decided what you're going to do now?" she asked quietly, waiting for his reaction to a question that he had undoubtedly asked himself on more than one occasion already. When he didn't answer, she leaned forward and reached out to touch his arm gently. "Gil, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Everyone knows that you and Sara have...something."

Closing his eyes for a moment, Grissom breathed in deeply before lifting his head to look into Catherine's worried eyes. "What do you want me to tell you?"

"You don't have to tell me anything," she told him softly, her voice almost maternal. "You may not think we notice the thing that's going on between you two, but we do."

"It's complicated…"

"With you two it always is," she smiled. "Question is, what do you want to do about it?"

Grissom lowered his head and closed his eyes away from her piercing gaze. Everything was already mu ddled inside his mind and discussing his innermost feelings with anyone other than Sara wasn't an option anymore, not that he had ever been willing to share. "I can't talk about this Catherine, not with you…I'm sorry."

"Hey, don't apologize, it's good that you two are finally starting to see the light." Catherine's smile lingered on her lips briefly before the memory of Sara's blood in the bedroom brought everything back again. "I can't believe this happened, it's just so…it shouldn't have been Sara…"

"It shouldn't have happened at all," Grissom whispered, his voice laced with anger before he had a chance to control it. "She's been through so much already."

"I know, but she has all of us to help her through it Gil, and I promise you that I'll be there for her." Dropping her eyes down to her coffee she released a soft sigh from her lips. "I haven't been fair on her for a long time, and I don't know, maybe I'm partially to blame for her being so down."

"I'm not following you," he told her quietly as he lifted his head to see her struggling to find the words.

"Last year when Eddie died…I may have said some things that implied I didn't think she was capable of doing her job." When she recognized the horror piercing his gaze along with a slow burning anger, she reached out to take his hand in hers. "I didn't mean any of it…I…I was upset, and I spoke before I realized what I was doing."

"Did you ever tell her that?" He asked quickly, his voice already tinged with anger as he spoke.

"I thought she knew," she whispered, shaking her head sadly. "If I'd have known…"

"So, you taking the Julie Waters case from Sara and Nick only added more fuel to an already out of control fire?" Shaking his head, he pulled his hands away from hers before she had time to react. "I can't do this now, Sara needs me."

"Yes she does," Catherine nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat, "she needs all of us."

"I'm gonna head back to her room," he told her quickly as he pushed himself out of his chair.

"Yeah, I want to drop in and say hi, myself." Standing up quickly, Catherine offered him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "Are we okay?"

Grissom nodded slowly, in spite of his fleeting anger. He knew that they had all played a part in Sara's mood of late, himself being the biggest cause. Slowly, he held his arm up, indicating that she should lead the way as they headed out of the cafeteria.

"So, how are they treating you in here?" Warrick asked Sara quickly, hoping to bring the bright smile that she had always beamed his way, back to her lips.

Sara lowered her eyes from his to focus on the bandages that still adorned her wrists and part of her arm. "Fine."

"Greg sends his love by the way," Nick grinned, he too hoping to lift her spirits a little, but it soon became apparent that her unique smile had faded into a tiny shadow of its former glory. The smile fell from Nick's lips and he looked over towards Warrick worriedly.

"So girl, when they letting you out of here?"

"Soon I hope," she sighed. "I hate hospitals."

"Yeah, I don't think any of us really like them much," Nick told her sympathetically. Moving closer, he came to sit on the edge of the bed, much like he had done when he had first come to see her. "It's gonna be okay Sara."

She closed her eyes with his words, wishing that she could believe him, but the remembrance of Lurie's touch still haunted her in ways that no one else could ever imagine. She couldn't escape from him, even knowing that he was in custody and that he would no doubt be facing a lengthy incarceration, nothing could take the images or the terror of his hands stroking her skin, away from her.

"We're all gonna get you through this," Warrick told her gently as he reached out to touch her hand.

Sara's eyes sprang open and she snatched her hand away from him, her eyes staring in a blazing mixture of anger and pain. She sucked in a raspy breath and shook her head to rid herself of the images that swam around inside her mind, making her ordeal almost too much to bear.

Warrick pulled his hand away slowly, hoping that she couldn't see the hurt in his eyes, but he knew, the second she cast her pain filled eyes towards him, that she had.

"I'm sorry," she whispered shakily, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be Sara," he told her, his lips turning upwards into a warm smile as he reached for her again, this time relieved that she didn't pull away from his touch.

"Sometimes…" Sara's voice faltered slightly, her heart beating wildly in her chest as she tried to push the fears to the far reaches of her mind. She could remember with perfect clarity every second of the time that Lurie held her captive, and she wanted so desperately to release the heavy burden of the truth that she had kept hidden since she'd been rescued.

Swallowing hard, she took a deep breath and prepared herself for another wave of abandonment, for the two men whom she had so often thought of as good friends, would no doubt be disappointed in her once they knew that Lurie had undressed her, and she hadn't fought back.

"He…Lurie…he…" her voice stuck in her throat and the words that had only seconds ago been eager to slip from her tongue, had all but vanished. Shaking her head she sniffed back the anguish that still fought to overthrow her already battered emotions. She couldn't do this, not yet, not when she needed their support. "Doesn't matter."

"What happened, Sara?" Nick asked quietly as he exchanged worried glances with Warrick whose eyes showed an equal amount of anxiousness.

Shaking her head, Sara fought to keep in control but she could already feel herself slipping away.

"What's going on?" Grissom's voice spoke from the doorway. Sensing the uneasiness in the room, he stepped inside and made his way towards Sara, his immense desire to protect her evident in every part of his body. Ignoring the two men in the room, he focused on her. "Honey, you okay?"

Both Warrick and Nick exchanged knowing glances and watched in stunned amazement as Sara turned to gaze upon him with a look that could only be described as utter adoration mixed with a tinge of fear.

Moving closer, Grissom sat down on the mattress beside her and reached out to take her hand in his. "Sara?"

Her lower lip began to quiver as she fought to keep the tears at bay, her need to prove to everyone that she was strong still trying to overpower everything else in her mind.

Grissom could see her turmoil and shuffled closer towards her. "Could you guys give us a few minutes?" he asked without turning around to face both Nick and Warrick, who now stood at the foot of the bed.

"Sure," Warrick nodded, indicating Nick to follow him.

Both men cast a worried glance over their shoulder one final time before finally exiting the room.

When they were alone, Grissom lifted a hand to cup Sara's face gently in his palm, tilting her chin up so that he could look into her tear filled eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked softly, his voice so gentle that it only served to bring her unshed tears to the fore, causing them to tumble over her cheeks and his fingers.

Moving forward, Grissom slipped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest, her muffled sobs soaking his shirt as she released the tears that had kept her an emotional prisoner for far too long.

Grissom could feel his own inner turmoil reaching up to grasp his heart in a vice like grip. Deep down he knew that there was more to Sara's fears than she had digressed, and that only made him more afraid of the truth. Something she hadn't shared was still eating away at her internally and he didn't know how to help her.

"Shhh…it'll be okay," he whispered, more to convince himself of that fact than her, and when her sobs finally slowed and she clung to him, he knew, more than ever, that she had become the most important person in his life.

Sara relaxed in his embrace, feeling loved for the first time in a very long, long while. Closing her eyes, she relished in his warmth, for this one solitary second she didn't think of the possible rejection to follow later, or if his love lasted for months, days, even hours, all that mattered was that he was here, loving her in this moment.

The ringing of Grissom's cell phone cast an intrusive shrill into the room, breaking the spell that had kept them both enraptured in each other's arms. Grissom pulled back slightly and held her gaze for a few moments before leaning in to place a soft kiss on her forehead.

She watched silently, her hand still nestled firmly in his as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket. Their gaze held, neither wanting to break away from the other for fear of losing this moment.

Lifting the phone to his ear, Grissom squeezed her fingers. "Grissom."

Sara watched his lips close tightly and the side of his jaw twitch in frustration. For a few moments she could almost feel him withdrawing from her again and as much as she tried to prepare herself for the separation, she could never have imagined how painful it would be.

Grissom hissed out a breath and nodded as if the person on the other end of the phone could actually see him. "I'll be there in ten minutes, don't let them start without me." Snapping his phone closed, he returned it to his pocket before turning back to Sara's waiting eyes.

"You have to go," she whispered knowingly, nodding her head as she spoke.

"Yeah, that was Brass…Sara, I…" Closing his eyes briefly, he opened them again to find her gaze once more upon him. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"I'm not exactly going anywhere," she whispered, her futile attempt at a joke falling on deaf ears. She could feel the sudden shift in the room, filling her with nervous energy when she finally realized that he was slowly moving closer towards her. She stayed still, unsure of what to do, not daring to move for fear of breaking the moment and have him run from her like he always had done.

Grissom's eyes focused on her lips, knowing that one touch would effectively bring his walls crashing down around him, yet he didn't care. He wanted to kiss her, had wanted to for as long as he could remember. He'd lacked courage in the past, something that he had always known he needed to conquer. Increasing his descent, his whole body was shaking with a mixture of nerves and desire. She had found her way through his defenses and rendered him immobile so many times, but now, when he reached her trembling lips to touch them briefly with his own, he knew he was sealing them together for a lifetime instead of a few heavenly seconds.

Sara was lost. In the briefest of kisses she had been given everything she had ever wanted; his love, his touch, his need. In those few beautiful moments she had never felt more loved before in her life, and even when he had started to pull away from her, to smile down into her eyes, she knew that everything had changed between them.

"Catherine wants to see you," he whispered softly, his thumb lightly caressing her fingers. "Is that okay?"

Unable to speak, she just nodded numbly, her gaze dropping to his hand on hers. Catherine hadn't really tried to be overly friendly towards her in the past, but then neither had she. Taking a deep breath, she tried to force a smile to her lips in a bid to ease the worry from his eyes.

"I'll send her in," he told her as he slowly released her hand to get up from the bed. "You want me to bring you anything?"

Her mind screamed out his name but she silenced it, her only response being a silent shake of her head.

"Okay, I'll see you soon." Leaning down again, his lips brushed hers briefly to leave her with his butterfly kiss still tingling over her. His smile lit her heart in more ways than she could ever have imagined, and even now as he slowly walked towards the door to exit her room, she felt his presence in her whole body while he gently healed her.

Outside in the corridor, Grissom nodded towards Catherine who was sitting in one of the white plastic chairs, waiting. "She's waiting for you," he told her softly. "Where are Warrick and Nick?"

"I told them to go home, if we split visiting into shifts then she won't be left on her own for long periods of time," she smiled.

"Oh," he nodded, "makes sense."

"Okay, so what about you?"

"I'm going to find Brass. I want to be there when they question Lurie." Without any further explanations he took one last look back towards Sara's open doorway before moving past her.

"What…Gil, that isn't such a good idea." Catherine protested, "You're too close to the case, you know that!"

"I'm going to be in the observation room Cath," he sighed, shaking his head to clear the hazy thoughts that still lingered. "I need to see that bastard go down."

"And he will, but you have to let Ecklie handle this."

"I am letting him handle it, I just need to do this and I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell her," he whispered, his eyes glancing towards Sara's door as he spoke.

"I won't say anything," she nodded, moving a hand out to squeeze his arm reassuringly. "Just don't do anything stupid, okay?"

Nodding silently, he turned away from her and made his way down the corridor towards the exit, leaving Catherine to watch on helplessly. When he was out of sight she took a deep breath and walked slowly over to Sara's door and took a cautious step into the room.

Sara was staring off into space when she walked in quietly, and for a few moments, Catherine had to swallow the gasp that ached to break free from her lips. Sara's bruised face had all but taken the breath from her lungs and even now as she came in to sit down on the chair beside her bed, she wasn't sure what she was going to say to her.

"Hey," she whispered, her voice cutting through the silence in the room. "How are you feeling?"

Sara heard Catherine's voice breaking through her solitude and for a few moments she welcomed the intrusion. Her thoughts and feelings were fraught in an agonizing turmoil and even as she tried to block the returning images from her mind, they came back with full force, bombarding her entire body with pain. Closing her eyes, she tried to calm her breathing while trying to project an image of her usual strong self to the woman beside her.

Catherine watched the struggle that had seemed to consume Sara's being and for the first time since she'd met her, Catherine realized that she never really knew her at all. A twinge of guilt crossed her heart, causing a wave of pain to ripple through her body. She knew that they both had to work harder at building a friendship and that she would have to be the one to initiate it.

"Warrick and Nick went home," Catherine told her softly, unsure if Sara actually realized she was in the room as she engaged in a one-sided conversation. "They've been so worried…I think all of us—"

"He touched me," Sara blurted suddenly, her voice rasping through her lips as she finally revealed her torment to someone whom she had never really had any connection with. Closing her eyes tightly, she fought to keep the bile from rising into her throat. Her whole body was shaking with the force of the memories as she found herself once again immersed into her nightmare.

Catherine's breath caught in her throat and she found herself unable to speak. She looked around the room briefly as if to find some sort of answer, but when she ran her worried eyes over the young woman beside her she knew instinctively what she had to do. Pulling herself out of the chair she stood beside the bed for a few moments before finally finding the courage to perch on the edge of Sara's mattress. "It's—"

"It's okay?" Sara asked, her voice hissing through her lips as she turned tear filled eyes to Catherine's. "Everyone tells me that I'm going to be okay, but I can't…"her voice cracked as the tears leaked from her eyes once more. "He…took me…my clothes…I can't…"

"Oh Sara…" Catherine soothed softly, her heart aching for her. Moving closer she reached forward to take Sara's hands in her own, for a few moments offering some kind of comfort before she could bring herself to ask a question of which she dreaded the answer. "Did he…force you…?"

"No," Sara sobbed, shaking her head venomously from side to side. "He…he wanted me to…to…he made me take a bath…"

Catherine squeezed her fingers again, hoping that she could breathe some reassurance into Sara's frightened body. Shuffling a little closer, she could feel her own eyes welling with tears as she fought to keep in control for Sara's sake. "What did he do to you?"

Sara gasped in a sob and squeezed her eyes tightly closed. She sniffed back the tears that ached to escape, her voice straining against the lump in her throat. "He…um…he…unbuttoned my shirt and then…he…" her voice shook again when she tried to speak, Lurie's touch causing her to recoil away from the horror in her mind.

"It's okay honey," Catherine whispered maternally.

Catherine's voice seemed to calm her slightly and she took a deep breath and opened her eyes before trying to clear her mind. "His hands were…they were… on my…" Sara couldn't bring herself to say the words, but she gestured with her free hand in the general direction of her chest and she hoped that Catherine would understand what she was trying to say.

Catherine nodded sadly, her heart both fighting anger and a powerful urge to protect the woman who should never have suffered this torment.

"I froze…I didn't move…Oh God," she opened her eyes to stare into the other woman's gaze. "I didn't do anything…I just stood there…I should have stopped him…I should have—"

"Sara, he hurt you. Oh honey, none of this is your fault." Leaning forward, Catherine pulled Sara's trembling body towards her own and held her while she cried, her painful sobs falling into her. "No man has the right to touch you when you don't want him to," she soothed, her own eyes filling with emotion as she continued rocking Sara gently as she spoke. "We'll get through this…I promise you…"

"I didn't stop him," Sara sobbed into Catherine's shoulder, her voice aching with pain. "His hands were all over me and I didn't do anything…God…what did I do…what did I do?"

"You survived Sara," Catherine told her firmly, sniffing back her own tears as she spoke. "You did what you had to do to survive…you did nothing wrong…you hear me…nothing?"

"But…I…"

"No buts," Catherine sobbed, she too losing to her emotions. "He took something from you that he had no right to take…even though he didn't rape you physically, he raped you mentally, and that's unforgivable."

"I tried to tell…him," Sara sniffed, her painful sobs once again wracking her body. "But I couldn't…and now he'll hate me for it…"

Catherine's mind swam in confusion for a few seconds until she finally realized whom Sara was referring to. Pulling back, she smiled into Sara's tear filled eyes and squeezed her fingers. "He could never hate you, Sara. He cares about you a whole lot."

"But—"

"Grissom cares. Never doubt that honey, take it from someone who knows." Catherine smiled gently and gave Sara's hands a small squeeze. "I'm glad you told me."

Sara closed her eyes briefly and nodded silently, not knowing what to make of this new turn of events. "I keep thinking of the things I should have done, what I should have said…but everything is so mixed up…"

"Sara," Catherine whispered, squeezing her hand as she tried to find the right words. "Nothing matters now except for you to get well."

"But how can I get well when I'm still stuck in time?" Sara asked softly, her voice shaking. "Everything has been going wrong for so long and I…I'm scared of slipping down so far that I'll never be able to get back."

"You won't slip Sara," Catherine whispered, her voice cracking with emotion. "We won't let you fall."

"But what if I can't get it all back? What if I can't do my job?" Sara asked tiredly, losing the fight with her battered emotions. "Lurie's taken everything away."

"No he hasn't. If you let him control your fears then you're letting him win, and I won't let him Sara. I'll be here for you if you need me, okay?"

Tears slipped from Sara's eyes again when she found Catherine's gaze. For the first time she could actually see the compassion in the elder woman's eyes, filling her with some much needed courage to fight the battle a little longer. Nodding silently, her eyes slipped down to Catherine's hand that still held one of hers. It seemed so strange after all this time that the two of them had finally found some peace with each other.

"I'm sorry about Eddie," she whispered finally, hoping that their newly developed bond would still hold steady.

"What?" Catherine asked just as quietly. "It wasn't your fault."

"But I…"

"No Sara, it wasn't you I was angry at and I'm so sorry that I made you think that I didn't trust you." Swallowing hard, Catherine pushed the guilt away from her heart and once again squeezed Sara's fingers, coaxing her to look up into her eyes. When she finally lifted her head Catherine could feel the change within them. "I'm sorry."

Sara nodded tearfully and offered Catherine what she hoped was a smile. "It's been a rough year for both of us hasn't it?"

"Yeah, it sure has," she sighed. "It can only get better though, right?"

"I wish it would…I hope it does."

"It will, I promise." Catherine smiled, an idea springing into her mind. "Hey, have you had anything to eat yet?"

"No, not really… I'm not that hungry."

"Well, I'm hungry, so how about I go and grab us both a sandwich and I'll come back here and keep you company for a while until Gil gets back?" Her smile widened even further when she saw Sara's eyes slowly begin to lose the tears that still held her down.

"Aren't you tired?" Sara asked softly, her small smile lightening her mood slightly.

"Tired? Nope…not yet anyway." Releasing Sara's hand she hopped down from the bed and picked up her bag. "I'll bring you something vegetarian."

"You remembered?" Sara's smile widened.

"Of course," Catherine grinned. "Be right back."

Sara watched her stroll purposefully out of the room and felt her spirits lifting for the first time in almost a year. She had a feeling that things were going to change, hoping that the light they brought along with them would help heal her.

TBC

* * *


	9. 9

**I'm sorry for the delay in posting this chapter, with RL and the devastating news about George and Jorja, I've been sort of distracted. Keep fighting for them everyone, the addresses and emails can be found on Mossley's site and YTDAW. Remember to sign the petition... Huge thanks to Marlou and Suzy for their beta skills.**

****

Time seemed to stand still around Gil Grissom as he watched silently through the observation room window, his entire body protesting against the strain he had cast upon it. The silence passed, instilling another wave of insecurity to sweep through his heart, knowing that he needed to witness Lurie's downfall for himself as well as for Sara.

Sara's face emerged into his mind, her presence attempting to banish his fears and calm his frustrations, but the second Vincent Lurie entered into the interview room he could already feel the burning anger flooding his veins, the doctor's arrogant attitude earning him another notch against his already fast eroding character.

Seeing Lurie again sent a surge of energy coursing through Grissom's body, filling him with a bombardment of feelings that almost took his breath away. He resented the fact that his treacherous emotions had led him back here when he knew unconsciously that he was needed elsewhere by the only woman who had ever been able to reach him.

Clenching his fists by his side, Grissom watched the proceedings silently only to become increasingly agitated when Lurie showed no obvious signs of remorse. His instincts called out to him, soaring through his body to create a path of angry fire that pushed his primal urges, telling him to burst into the opposite room and rip Lurie apart limb by limb.

His anger shook him, the very power of his need for vengeance overwhelming, so much so that he had to pull himself back from the brink before the force overtook him and he succumbed to his need. Grissom tried to steady his racing heartbeat; breathing slowly to ease the pressure, knowing that justice would be served one way or another on the guilty man in the adjoining room.

Ecklie, Grissom noted, was also trying to hold back his anger. Neither he nor Grissom had really seen eye to eye in all the time they'd known each other, but now, as he watched silently, Grissom could feel a new air of respect for the other man, and for the first time knew confidently that Ecklie would do everything in his power to put Vincent Lurie behind bars for the rest of his life.

Inside the interview room, Ecklie slid a piece of paper across the table for Lurie and his attorney to cast their eyes over. "We matched the DNA from the skin cells beneath your nails to that of Sara Sidle, whose injuries also contained traces of your DNA."

Lurie stared ahead, unmoving, and unblinking, showing neither emotion nor remorse for his violent acts that had already turned an entire work unit upside down and plunged into total chaos.

"Why did you abduct Sara?" Ecklie asked, keeping his voice low as he retrieved another piece of paper and a photo from his file. Passing it across the table, he watched for any reaction from the doctor when he saw the picture of Sara's battered face.

For a few seconds Lurie sat there motionless, his eyes staring at the photo on the table, until a flicker of recognition sparked within him. Lifting a hand he moved his fingers over the image, caressing Sara's face as if she were actually there in the room. "I didn't want to hurt her," he whispered softly, his voice almost inaudible.

Beside him, his attorney coughed uncomfortable. "I'd advise you not to say anything more, Vincent."

"I love her," Lurie continued, ignoring the other men in the room. "I took what was rightfully mine."

"Rightfully yours?" Ecklie asked, his voice rising as the anger sparked within him. "You held a young woman hostage, left her terrified and you say she was yours?"

Grissom clenched his jaw, his anger coursing through him now like molten fire, burning a path of vengeance in its wake. In all the years of doing this job he could count on one hand the amount of times he had wanted to physically hurt a suspect. Lurie had barged his way into his life causing chaos to reside where turmoil already reigned. He had single-handedly forced Grissom to face his feelings, bringing his affections for Sara to the fore when he had successfully survived in denial for so long. Vincent Lurie had hurt Sara in the worst terrible way, robbing her of her freedom and her strength, and Grissom knew he would do everything in his power to heal her.

Movement behind him alerted him to another presence in the room but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the scene before him. Brass regarded him worriedly before taking a step closer, nodding a greeting when he came to stand beside him. His eyes followed the same path and he too was immersed in the need for justice to find some peace for a woman that they both adored.

"How's Sara?" Brass asked softly, his eyes unable to turn from the glass paneled window that held the man they had both come to loath.

"She's…coping."

His voice broke through the stillness and Brass slowly turned to cast a worried gaze over his friend. "And what about you?"

"What about me? I wasn't the one he terrorized," Grissom murmured, unable to return the gaze. "I want to be able to go back to the hospital and tell her that the nightmare is over. I want to be able to look into her eyes and see—" breaking off, Grissom stopped mid sentence, unable to reveal to anyone else just how deeply his feelings ran, and how much Sara's attack had affected him.

Brass watched him knowingly and turned back towards the window. "She's tough."

"She's not as tough as she pretends to be."

"She could surprise you, Gil."

"She surprises me constantly," Grissom sighed, before forcing her image to the back of his mind. Standing a little straighter, he drew in a ragged breath trying to regain his composure.

Both men watched silently as Lurie smiled down at the photo in his hands, "She's beautiful, even with bruises…"

"Those are the bruises that you gave her," Ecklie reminded.

"She made me, I couldn't help it." Dropping the photo onto the table he leaned forward towards Ecklie, his voice deliberately low. "I had to keep her in her place."

"By hitting her?" Ecklie seethed, anger dripping in every word.

"Don't answer that Vincent," his attorney warned, putting a hand on his arm to stop him, but Lurie shrugged it away.

"She's a whore, just like Debbie…"

"Debbie Marlin?" Ecklie asked, taking advantage of Lurie's anger. "The nurse who had her throat slit?"

"Yeah, her…and the bastard who she threw me over for…they deserved to die," he seethed.

"For the record I'd like it to be noted that my client is acting against my advice," The attorney muttered, his resigned posture slumping back into his chair.

Ecklie nodded slowly before turning his attentions back towards Lurie again. "Did Debbie need to be put in her place Vincent? Did you hurt her too?"

"This case relates to Sara Sidle not to Debbie Marlin," the attorney pointed out, hoping in some way that he could control Lurie's right to explain himself, even though deep down he suspected that his client was guilty.

"Of course," Ecklie nodded, returning his eyes to the photo that Lurie's eyes still caressed. "So, why Sara?"

Lurie smiled in remembrance, recalling the first time that he'd seen her and the effect she had upon him. "She took my breath away," he whispered, closing his eyes with the memory. "I thought I was seeing things at first, that Debbie had returned to me and I don't know, I acted on impulse."

"You waited for your chance and seized it?" Ecklie baited, his expertise preying on Lurie's weakness. "You followed her and struck when she was alone…"

"NO!"

"You waited until her friends left her and you saw your chance didn't you?"

Lurie suddenly rose from his chair, slamming his fists onto the table in utter rage. "SHE IS MINE!"

Detective Thomson, who had been perched on the edge of a table against the far wall the entire time exchanged a triumphant glance with Ecklie. Standing slowly, he walked closer to Lurie who had started to sit back down into his chair, realization hitting him hard. "You really should learn to control your temper," he told him, waving a hand to two police officers to take Lurie away.

Grissom took a step back when he saw Lurie rise from his chair again only to have his hands cuffed behind him. Part of him was relieved that Lurie would no longer be free to prey on Sara's nightmares, but the other part of him still wanted blood and some kind of satisfaction that he had at least been able to release some of his anger.

"Gil?" Brass asked suddenly, as if he knew what Grissom was thinking. Putting out a hand he tried to stop Grissom's rapid departure.

"Save it Brass!"

Grissom shrugged Brass' hand away from his path and stormed out into the corridor just in time to see Lurie being led away. With a sudden surge of energy he started to follow the doctor but Ecklie stood in his way, effectively blocking his view.

"Get out of my way Conrad," he seethed.

"You know I can't let you do anything stupid now Gil," Ecklie told him, his voice uncharacteristically low. "Let him go, he's not worth risking your career over."

"He's right Gil," Brass told him, for once agreeing with Ecklie in an unusual alliance that united both shifts. "Come on, I'll give you a ride home."

Grissom knew that the logic behind both Ecklie's and Brass' requests should have been enough to convince him, and somewhere deep inside his soul he knew that they were only trying to help and prevent him from doing anything rash. Conceding defeat, he nodded slowly and turned back towards Brass. "I'm going to the hospital."

"You need a ride?"

"No," he muttered. "Thanks."

"Okay, I'll walk out with you," Brass nodded, watching Grissom as he slowly walked past him, the sunlight and Sara beckoning him away from the lab. Brass nodded to Ecklie in thanks before turning on his heel to follow Grissom out of the doors.

"Sara, you should really eat something," Catherine urged, noting that Sara's sandwich still lay untouched in the cellophane wrappings on her bedside table.

Closing her eyes, Sara laid back into the pillows and swallowed the dread that had suddenly overwhelmed her. Opening her eyes again she met Catherine's worried gaze. "I'm so tired."

"Well why didn't you say something," Catherine smiled, reaching a hand over to pat her arm gently. "I'll leave you alone to get some rest."

"NO," Sara gasped, her voice louder than she had intended. "I mean…God, Catherine, I'm sorry. You should go home and sleep now, I'll be okay."

"I can stay," Catherine told her, grasping her hand gently as she spoke. "You don't have to go through this alone honey, so don't you even try."

Sara smiled slightly, grateful for the support that had been almost overwhelming from the woman beside her. Everything had changed since the impact of her ordeal had come to pass, things that had previously been hidden and unspoken of had risen to the surface, breaking through the wall of pain that had kept her gripped in its depression.

"What are you thinking?" Catherine asked softly, reaching forward to brush an errant strand of hair away from Sara's eyes, noting how silent she had become. "It's really over now, you don't have to worry about Lurie again."

Sara swallowed the lump in her throat, the welling emotion that accompanied it burned behind her eyes and she fought to keep the tears away. "Before this happened…before everything…" closing her eyes, she leaned back into her pillows as she tried to keep her voice from breaking.

Catherine released Sara's hand and pulled her forward while she fluffed up the pillows behind her. She could feel Sara's eyes upon her, piercing her very existence, stirring the guilt that still reared up within her to cause a nauseating wave of regret.

"There you go," she whispered, hoping that her voice had masked her pain as she gently eased Sara back down into the pillows.

"You all seem to think that I'm this strong person," Sara whispered, her voice so quiet that Catherine had to lean closer to hear her. "I wish sometimes that you could see how scared I am."

"Oh honey," Catherine choked, reaching out to wrap her hand around Sara's trembling fingers. "I wish we could start over again from the beginning, maybe things would be different then."

"I couldn't live through all of it again," Sara told her, her husky voice seeping with sorrow. "I don't think I could survive it all a second time."

"It?"

"Yeah…" Closing her eyes, Sara tried to envision a perfect world, one that offered her a life without misery. "The explosion…Hank…everything…I'm just so tired of it all."

"Sara, Hank was an idiot for cheating and he definitely doesn't deserve another second of your time. Everything else we can work on together, all of us." Squeezing her fingers, Catherine coaxed Sara's eyes open again. "Even though you may not think it, you have so many people who happen to think you're pretty amazing."

"Well, people like Lurie don't count," Sara scoffed, her gentle chuckle causing her mouth to ache and she reached up a hand to her swollen cheek. "I bet I look a mess."

"You look…" Catherine saw Sara's eyes widen as she started to speak, fully intending to lie and tell her she looked fine, but something in the younger woman's eyes seemed to beg her for the truth. "He really did a number on you," she whispered finally.

"No one will let me have a mirror," Sara told her tearfully. "My face hurts along with my body, and I've seen the bruises on my arms."

"Bruises fade eventually Sara," Catherine told her softly, "they're not permanent, and even if they were it wouldn't change how we all feel about you."

Her words brought a fresh onslaught of emotions to Sara's eyes and as much as she tried to keep them at bay, still they leaked out to trickle down her cheek. "Oh great," she sniffed as she swiped the tears away from her face.

"Look at us, two weeping women." Catherine told her, she too unable to hide the emotions that had ached to consume her. Leaning closer, she couldn't help the small chuckle that escaped her when she saw that Sara was also smiling through her tears. The two women came together, swallowed into a healing embrace that solidified the newfound friendship between them.

A shuffling sound from the doorway forced them apart and Catherine leaned away from her to look over her shoulder to see Grissom hovering in the entrance.

Sara followed her gaze and felt her heart flip with his sudden appearance. She smiled slightly, hoping that he would take the tears that rolled down her face as a sign that she was truly on her way towards healing completely.

"Okay," Catherine smiled, pulling back from Sara to stand up beside her bed. "I'm gonna get going."

"Thanks for everything," Sara told her gratefully, offering her a warm smile as she reached out to squeeze her hand in thanks.

"You're welcome," she smiled. "Now if you need anything, you call me okay?"

"I will."

"Okay, see you soon." Retrieving her purse from the chair, Catherine offered her one last smile and made her way towards Grissom, patting his arm while he entered the room. "Make sure she eats something."

He watched her as if she had suddenly grown an extra head, until her words finally sank in. "Oh…I will."

"I'll call you later," she whispered, knowing where he had been and equally wanting to know the outcome.

Nodding silently, Grissom walked past her and moved closer to Sara's bed not stopping until he was perched on the side of her mattress and relishing her closeness.

"How are you feeling?" he whispered as his fingers unconsciously sought hers, linking their hands as if the touch would dissipate his fears and take away everything that had caused their foundations to crumble away beneath each of them.

Sara watched him quietly, his sweet caresses lulling her into a peaceful security and she allowed herself to slip into his healing touch. "I'm okay."

He nodded silently, not having the strength or will to argue with her. For now, all he wanted to do was bask in her closeness and release the fears that had already kept them apart for so long. Lifting his eyes to hers he tried to offer her a reassuring smile, but the love he saw emanating from her deep brown orbs totally took his breath away.

Sara swallowed hard; she had never felt so completely vulnerable before. This whole experience had left her emotions on show and she felt as if she had laid herself bare for all to see now that everyone knew her secrets and the love she carried for her supervisor. Even though he had allowed her to move closer and given himself to her freely, still she waited for the bubble to burst to send her spiraling back down into darkness again.

Grissom knew what she was thinking and he couldn't say that he blamed her; after all, he had done little to ease the pressure he had known she'd been under. Her eyes, though loving still held a tinge of fear that had nothing to do with the last forty-eight hours and he could feel the guilt eating away inside of him because of his previous denial.

"You and Catherine seemed to be getting along," he told her softly, anything to break the silence that surrounded them.

"Yeah," she whispered with a smile. "She's a strong woman."

"She can be a good friend," he nodded. He waited for her to carry on talking but she had seemed to slip into silence again, content to simply watch him.

Grissom had never thought of himself as a desirable man, or that he would ever receive a second glance from a beautiful woman, but under Sara's gaze he felt all those things and for the first time in a very long while, he actually felt loved. He knew she needed a little more from him, another step closer in their very delicate relationship, so taking the courage she gave him, he slipped his other hand into hers and slowly leant closer towards her.

Sara held her breath, his descent causing havoc with her heart rate. As he neared, her eyes closed on their own accord, waiting for the touch that would transport her into the realms of heaven, speeding her recovery no end.

Grissom felt it too, the more he neared her the less fearful he became, until he reached into her personal space and sealed his lips to hers. A soft sigh escaped her as he increased the pressure, his need to show her how much she was adored taking over his movements.

Sara's body trembled with his touch, feeling herself come alive as he slowly untangled a hand from hers to gently slip it behind her, pulling her body a little closer, still careful of the injuries that she had sustained. Breaking their kiss, he pulled away slightly, his breath fanning her face as he tried to slow things down and judge for himself if he was moving too fast. "Are you okay?"

Opening her eyes, Sara gazed up into his and lifted a hand to his bearded cheek, caressing his face with her fingers. "I'm more than okay."

Grissom chuckled slightly and moved in towards her again, his lips touching hers, a little more firmer and a little more demanding. With total abandon, Sara reached for him, pulling him closer to her body to feel his warmth enveloping her.

The slight tremble in his lips brought a new wave of strength as she parted her lips beneath his, hoping that he could feel their connection as much as she did only to be taken into ecstasy when he readily complied and surrendered to her.

They lost themselves in each other, banishing everything else from their lives to leave only this moment and the emotions it brought along with it. Sara had never felt so completely worshipped before, Grissom's kisses piercing her soul making her come alive in his arms.

Pulling her closer, he felt her gasp in a breath and suddenly realized that she was wrapped tightly in his arms, their need for completeness totally overriding the rational thoughts. Breaking away from her lips, he loosened his hold and gazed down into her face, noting with some kind of male pride how her lips were slightly swollen from his passionately tender assault. "I'm sorry honey."

"It's okay," she whispered with a smile as she tried to maneuver herself into a more comfortable position without losing his touch. "It's still a little sore."

"I should have been more careful—"

Lifting her hands to his lips, she stopped him mid sentence and offered him a warm smile. "No more regrets Grissom."

He shook his head, agreeing with her only to kiss her fingertips before pulling her hand away to hold it in his. "No regrets."

Her eyes scanned his face, taking everything about him into her memory. She loved this man with all of her being and she couldn't remember now why she had tried to move on and forget him. Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, she offered him another smile. "Have you eaten yet?"

With a small shake of his head, he watched her carefully, her beautiful smile capturing his heart and careering him towards oblivion.

"Want to share half a sandwich with me?" she asked him then, and he couldn't help but return her smile with a bright one of his own.

"I'd love to," he told her, reaching across her bed for the wrapped sandwich to open it and offer her half. "Ladies first," he grinned, her small chuckle infectious.

"Thanks," she smiled, lifting the bread to her lips to take a small bite only to wince at the aching in her jaw. She could see the concern in his eyes and masked the moment by lightening the tone a little. "You know this isn't exactly what I had in mind when I asked you to have dinner with me!"

"I'm sorry, Sara," he whispered, his voice tinged with sadness when he was transported back to the past year.

"The past is over," she told him softly as she tried to read his eyes, anything to tell her that this new step forward for them was going to be ongoing and not just cease when she was well again. "Is it over now?"

Grissom lifted his eyes to hers and stroked the back of her hand with his fingers. He had hurt her so much with his actions over the past year and nothing could take away those feelings of remorse. Looking into her eyes now he knew that he had was indeed a lucky man to have her in his life. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"I know."

"I want to be with you, Sara," he told her quietly, the words slipping surprisingly easily from his lips. "That's if you still want to give us a try."

Sara held her breath, unable to speak. The sandwich that she had only taken a meager bite from lay forgotten on the tray beside her, food no longer an option. Grissom's eyes were gazing into hers, silently pleading with her for some kind of answer. Her eyes dropped to his hand surrounding hers and suddenly everything seemed to clear in her mind.

"I want to try," she whispered softly, lifting her eyes to his only to be shocked when she saw the tears welling in them. Reaching forward, she ignored the pain in her chest as she slowly lifted her arms towards him, pulling him towards her, capturing him in a warm embrace.

No more words were needed as they held each other, their closeness healing one another and closing the distance that had forged a void between them for so long. Slipping his arm around her back, Grissom slowly pulled away from her and retrieved the forgotten sandwich from the tray only to look down at it with disdain. "You really want to eat this?"

Sara shook her head slowly, the edges of her lips tilting upwards into a smile when he threw both halves of the sandwich into the bin. "Catherine's gonna kill you."

"I specifically heard her say that you had to eat something, but she didn't say anything about a sandwich," he grinned, pulling himself away from her to stand up beside her bed. "I'm going to get us some real food."

"Okay," she nodded, his smile becoming infectious. "Remember…"

"I know, I'll get you some of that vegetarian stuff that you like so much, and coffee, we gotta have coffee." Leaning down, he kissed her soundly and stepped away from her before she could respond. "I'll be right back."

Sara watched his retreating form in awe and had to blink a few times to make sure she wasn't actually dreaming. She could feel the changes in their relationship, and suddenly the future didn't seem so bleak. Laying back into the pillows, she closed her eyes slowly and waited for the man she loved to return.

TBC


	10. 10

**A/N I'm sorry for the delay in posting. RL is settling down again now. Huge thanks to everyone who sent well wishes to my husband and my father. Both are doing well.**

**Thanks go to Hazeleyes57, Suzy and Laura Katharine who beta'd this chapter in Marlou's absence. Lk just for you, the sugar is gone!!**

Chapter 10

When Grissom returned to Sara's hospital room, he was met with the most adorable sight he had ever seen. Sara was in the same position he'd left her in, but her eyes were closed as she succumbed to exhaustion.

Carrying the bag of takeout food to the bedside table, he placed it down as quietly as he could before returning his attentions to the woman who had stolen his heart. Her lips, he noted were still slightly swollen from his affections as well as her previous injuries. He wanted to heal her in so many ways, both emotionally and physically, and over the past few hours he had thought of nothing else but how he could take care of her while juggling his already busy work schedule.

The endless possibilities had started to make his head ache, so instead of dwelling of what he could do to help, he decided to give her all that he had right now, here in this moment—even if that meant dueling with his fears to overcome the obstacles that still crept up to hold him back every once in a while.

Silently, he took the chair beside her bed and eased his tired body into the cushions, content to watch the steady rise and fall of her chest.

Reaching forward he stroked one of her hands that poked out from under the blanket, amazed that she didn't stir while he caressed her fingers. These last few days had bombarded his heart with umpteen different emotions, each one precise and defined, causing his whole body to erupt like a simmering volcano that was once content to lie dormant only to explode and force a flow of emotions throughout him.

Vincent Lurie came into his mind, his presence creating a rift in the silent confines of his emotions. This man continued to haunt him, his image taunting, causing Grissom to suck in a breath with every assault as the realization that he could have lost Sara forever penetrated his heart.

Shaking the image away, he closed his eyes briefly, only to open them again and take a long look at the woman he loved, and he did love her. He could count the times when those three simple words had almost slipped from his lips when his feelings for her had been practically overwhelming.

How often in the past had he almost given into temptation. Sighing heavily, he pushed the thoughts of regret back into the far reaches of his mind while the words _I love you_ still called from his heart. _I love you...I love you..._until his lips moved in time with those words, voiceless but yielding, building strength every second, and then without even realizing, he whispered those words, his own voice a shock to his ears.

Clamping his mouth closed he watched her carefully for any signs that she may have heard his admission, but when she didn't stir he found himself relieved and disappointed all at the same time. Those three words had released almost a decade of emotions, each one centered around the woman before him, and for the first time he found that the soft admission didn't scare him as much as he thought it would.

Smiling, he reached closer to touch his fingertips to her cheek allowing himself to revel in her softness, his own personal reward for conquering one of the biggest hurdles that had prevented him from surrendering to her for so long.

He followed the bruises that littered her face as if his gentle touch could heal the purple blemishes and all the pain they were causing her. For a moment he allowed his eyes to travel her face and look upon the marks that had broken his heart the second he'd seen her.

His eyes filled with sorrowful tears as he was once again thrust into the nightmare right alongside her, and he fought those same demons that clawed their way into her dreams and kept him from her.

More and more he knew that his love for her was taking control of his senses, casting all rational thoughts aside. He wanted to be the one to be with her when she woke up shaking from her nightmares. He wanted to be the one she clung to when she couldn't take any more. He wanted to be the one she needed, and he knew to do that, he would have to make some sacrifices in his life

His touch roused her slowly as she fought to open her eyes under the weight of sleep. For a few seconds she thought she was back in her nightmare, that the gentle touch on her cheek was that of her tormentor and she tried to move away from it.

"Sara," Grissom whispered, keeping his voice soft as he spoke. "It's okay sweetheart."

'_Sweetheart.'_ The sound of that particular endearment thrust Sara further into turmoil, and she snapped her eyes open, ready to fight the man who held her down. Gasping for breath, she forced her eyes to focus on the face of her captor, determined to fight with every ounce of strength that she had. The face that came into view wasn't that of a man she feared, and she focused on his concerned eyes brimming with worried tears.

"Grissom?"

"I'm here," he breathed, moving closer towards her to ease her fears. "It's okay now, you're safe."

"You called me...that...and I thought," closing her eyes tightly she tried to control her raging emotions, hoping that he wouldn't give up on her and think she was crazy. "I'm sorry."

Grissom watched her face pale before him and soon found himself caught up in his overwhelming need to protect her. He moved over to her bed and perched on the side of her mattress to link both of his hands with hers. "Sara, honey, open your eyes."

She did as he asked, uncertain if she could prepare herself for what she would see in his eyes. The warm smile that greeted her seemed to melt most of the fears away, and she found herself relaxing under his gaze.

"You know, you can tell me anything, right?" he asked softly, keeping his voice low as he spoke. "I know what you went through will stay with you for a long time, but I want you to know that I'll be here for you, for as long as you need me."

"I'm sorry I freaked," she whispered as she fought off the tears that threatened to overthrow her again.

"You have every right to freak out—"

"No, you don't understand." Letting go of one of his hands, she pushed herself upwards so that she was sitting a little higher averting her eyes from his concerned gaze. "You're trying to help me and all I've done is..." her voice trailed away to bring a wave of fear to Grissom's heart. Only an hour or so ago they had been kissing and healing each other with tender touches, and now he felt as if they had taken a huge step backwards.

"You didn't do anything wrong sweetheart—"

"DON'T!" Pulling her hands from his grasp she moved away from him and pulled her knees up to her chest and surrounded them with her arms while she rocked back and forth.

"What did I do wrong?" he asked worriedly, her behaviour alarming him to the point of hysteria.

Opening her eyes again she forced the nausea away before turning to him. Her voice was soft as she muttered her reasons, and he had to strain to hear her through his own thumping heartbeat. "He called me sweetheart...he called me that every time he..."

"Oh, Sara." Pulling her arms away from her knees, he moved closer to her so that he could hold her. She buried her head into his shoulder, her tears soaking his shirt all the way through to his skin, but he didn't care. He knew now more than ever that she needed his strength to help her through the worst of the nightmare.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered as he rocked her, his heat seeping into her body.

"Everything's gonna be okay Sara," he soothed, "Lurie's gone and he'll never be able to hurt you again."

Sara let his arms encircle her for a few more moments before slowly disentangling herself from his body. Lifting her head, she gazed up into his eyes and reveled in the love she could feel emanating from them. "I'm trying to forget," she whispered as a single tear fell onto her cheek. "But every time I close my eyes he's there, and everything gets so confusing."

"It's gonna take time, Sara," he told her gently, lifting a finger to her cheek to swipe the lone tear away. "No one expects you to get over this quickly, there's no time frame attached."

"I know, but—"

"Shhh," he told her, smiling gently as he pulled her close to him for another embrace. "You don't have to do this alone anymore. I'll be here."

Closing her eyes again, she clung to him, thankful that he would be there to chase the nightmares away from her.

000000000

Later that afternoon, Catherine made her way down the hospital corridor with Nick and Warrick in tow.

"You think Sara's gonna like those flowers?" Warrick asked in a conspired whisper to Nick who held a particularly large bunch of pale pink carnations in his hand.

"Why wouldn't she? Every girl loves flowers!"

"Well Sara's not like most women, she prefers her things living," Warrick grinned as he gestured to the stuffed white teddy bear tucked under his arm.

"So you think she'll go for the cutsie type gift then huh?" Nick asked him with a sly wink. "Care to place a wager on that?"

"Will you two stop already?!"

Both men looked over towards Catherine who was by now shaking her head showing very little amusement.

"Sorry," Nick muttered, bowing his head like some naughty school boy, while Warrick shrugged his shoulders by way of an apology.

When they reached Sara's room, Catherine approached the door to poke her head around the frame to herald their arrival. A huge smile lit her features as she took in Sara's relaxed posture. "You decent in there?"

"Cath," Sara gasped when she heard the welcome voice, her obvious delight with Catherine's presence lighting up her bruised face with a smile. "Of course I'm decent."

Grissom shifted in his seat to take a look behind him, his slow, stiff movements causing Sara to reach for his hand to give it a gentle squeeze. When he turned back towards her, he could see the concern in her dark brown eyes, and he knew that he would have a tough time in convincing her that he was really okay.

"I'm fine," he insisted, ignoring Sara's worried glances. "I am."

For a few moments he found himself caught up in her knowing gaze, but when the small hospital room suddenly became slightly overcrowded, he welcomed the intrusion knowing that he had indeed received another reprieve.

"Hey Sara," Nick grinned as he entered the room, thrusting his large bunch of flowers out to her while leaning over to plant a kiss on her cheek. He lingered against her skin using her warmth for his own reassurance that she was on the mend. "It's good to see ya."

"It's good to see you too," she smiled, offering Nick a glimpse of what she hoped was enough to keep his worries at bay for a little longer. Gesturing towards the flowers in her lap she reached out to his hand on her shoulder and gave it a small squeeze. "Thanks for these, they're beautiful."

Nick beamed triumphantly and looked over towards Warrick who shook his head in mock surrender and nudged him out of the way so that he could give Sara his own gift.

"Hey girl, how are you feeling?" Leaning down, he planted a soft kiss on her forehead and held out his get well offering to her. When he placed the stuffed animal in her lap along with Nick's flowers he thought for a moment that she might cry, but despite the overwhelming affection in her eyes she hid the tears from view.

"I'm feeling better," she smiled, blinking away the emotion in her eyes. These people around her bedside were more than family to her, and it had taken these awful events to make her realize just how much she loved them. She could feel everyone's eyes upon her, their obvious affections sometimes overwhelming, but at the same time she had never felt so protected in her life.

The sudden need to breathe caused her to turn to the man beside her and seek some kind of reassurance from his eyes. His encouraging smile sent shards of warmth through her entire body, drawing both her courage and strength along with it. He gave her the power to believe in herself once again, giving her the greatest gift of all.

The sweet smell of the carnations in her lap drifted through to her senses and she found herself propelled back amongst the circle of love surrounding her. Grissom's eyes captured hers once more and the need to feel his arms around her became all too much to bear. She knew she had to seek a distraction, something to momentarily drive the surge of need for him away. Looking down at the scented blooms, an idea came to her. "You think you could track down a vase for these?"

"Uh...sure," Grissom nodded, he too feeling the need for separation as much as she did. With a small smile he stood up from his chair only to wince slightly when his back protested with the sudden movements.

"Grissom?" Sara asked worriedly, reaching out to him automatically.

"It's okay," he assured her when she started to protest. Standing up straight he massaged the base of his back with his hands as he tried to work some feeling back into his body.

Catherine caught Grissom's pleading look towards her and then at the worry in Sara's eyes. Stepping forward, she took charge of the situation and to motioned to Grissom to move past her past her only to distract Sara by claiming his chair beside the bed. "Did you manage to eat anything?"

Sara reluctantly looked away from Grissom's retreating form and focused on the woman beside her, her thoughts distracted. "Uh...yeah...Grissom brought me some salad earlier."

"Salad?" Nick asked incredulously. "You're in here to get better not wither away!"

His voice brought her thoughts back to the people around her and she turned to him, ready to protest. "I like salad."

"I like it too, but it doesn't mean I wanna eat it as a main meal!" Sitting down onto the edge of her bed, he grinned at her again. "Well don't think you're eating that crap when I come and stay with you!"

"Excuse me?"

"Nick, you have a big mouth!" Catherine scolded before turning to Sara and nudging her arm. "Since Nick has already blabbed I might as well tell you." Reaching out for Sara's hand she covered it with her own urging Sara to look at her. "We wanted to do something to help, so we decided that between all of us, we can take turns staying with you when you get out of here. You're gonna need help getting around for a few days, and we want to be there for you."

Sara's eyes glistened with tears as she looked around the room at her friends. "Wow, that's..." Lifting a finger to wipe her eye she offered her friends a watery smile. "You guys are really something."

"So are you, Sara," Warrick told her, his hand patting her blanket covered legs.

000000000

Outside in the corridor, Grissom almost collided with Sara's doctor. "Excuse me," Dr. Braham smiled.

"My fault," Grissom offered, swallowing his embarrassment. "It's a little crowded in there at the moment," he told him, inclining his head in the general direction of Sara's room. Over the doctor's shoulder, Grissom caught sight of Brass walking towards them down the corridor holding a large bouquet of flowers in his arms. "Looks like it's about to get even busier!"

The doctor looked over his shoulder then turned back to offer Grissom a small smile. "She's a popular young woman."

"Yeah," Grissom agreed, waving a hand to Brass as he approached them.

"Well, maybe you can help me," the doctor smiled. "I need to check Miss Sidle's condition before I can determine if she's well enough to be released. Would you mind clearing her room for a few minutes?"

Grissom took a few moments to comprehend what had just been said to him and then suddenly broke out into a smile when the words sank in. "Of course."

"Thank you."

Turning back into the room again he coughed loudly to get everyone's attention. When all eyes fell onto him he couldn't help the smile that graced his lips. "We need to clear out for a few minutes people, Sara's doctor needs to see her."

"Oh great," Sara groaned, "more prodding and poking."

"Good luck," Catherine smiled sympathetically, squeezing her hand before getting up from the chair.

"Thanks," she sighed.

"Aww, quit being a pain in the butt Sar," Nick grinned. "I'd sooner have you alive and being able to complain about it that not have you at all."

"You say the nicest things," she retorted, her lips turning upwards into a smile. "Just remember sweetie, when I'm outta here I'll be back to kicking your ass."

"Bring it on darlin'," he laughed before following the others out of the room.

Sara watched them file out one by one and caught Grissom's eye before he too turned to leave. "Can you stay with me?"

Grissom's eyes clouded over with emotion as he nodded silently and returned to his chair beside her bed. His hand automatically slipped into hers while they waited for the doctor to come in and close the door behind him.

"How are you feeling today, Sara?"

"Fine," she told him, wincing slightly with the sudden movement, hoping that he hadn't seen her gasp in pain when she turned her head too quickly.

"Good, good." Stepping closer he took his pen light out of his top pocket and raised her head slightly so that he could shine it into her eyes. "Any headaches? Dizziness? Nausea?"

Sara shook her head slightly with each question, and then sat back to watch him move behind her. "I'd just like to check your other injuries, if you wouldn't mind slipping the gown down a little."

Letting go of Grissom's hand, she rotated her shoulder and slid the material of her gown down over her shoulders so that it exposed her bruised skin.

The doctor pressed down gently on the abrasions asking if anything hurt while he did so and she shook her head to all of them, insisting that she could feel very little pain at all.

Dr. Braham helped her sit back again into the pillows and slipped his pen light back into his pocket with a satisfied smile. "We need to take another blood sample to establish if your iron count has raised. Depending on the results, I can't see any reason why you can't go home to recuperate."

"Wow," she beamed. "Really?"

"Yes, as long as you have someone stay with you. Can you arrange that?"

Sara's heart skipped lightly and she sat back remembering Catherine's offer. Turning to Grissom she smiled slightly and opened her mouth to speak when Grissom reached for her hand again. "I'll be staying with her."

Sara's eyes whipped around to his, her heart melting into his smile. No words were spoken as he gently squeezed her hand in reassurance.

"Excellent," Dr. Braham smiled. "All we need to do now is draw some blood from you."

"So if my blood levels are high enough then I can go home right?" Sara asked with a smile, still unable to believe that she could soon be free of this place.

"Yes," he told her with a smile. "If we're happy with the results you could be going home tomorrow."

Sara squashed the desire to give a triumphant squeal of delight. Suddenly she didn't feel so tired anymore.

"A nurse will come by shortly to draw some blood but until then, I'll leave you and your visitors alone."

"Thank you doctor," Grissom smiled, squeezing Sara's hand again as he spoke.

Sara sighed contentedly when Grissom shuffled a little closer to place a soft kiss on her cheek. "That's if you don't mind me under your feet," he whispered.

Sara's eyes filled with tears again when she saw the emotion in his eyes. "I never knew before all of this happened just how lucky I am." She squeezed his hand gently as they slowly gravitated towards each others lips.

"Uh oh." Brass' voice intruded into their near kiss, causing Grissom to sigh heavily and nestle his face into her shoulder.

"Get in here Brass," Sara told him with a mock glare. Grissom lifted his head and smiled into her eyes before kissing her anyway, despite the audience.

"You're looking a lot better since I saw you last kiddo," Brass told her as he handed her his bouquet of flowers and leaning over to plant a fatherly kiss on her head. "How are they treating you in here?"

"It's okay," she smiled. "I might be able to go home tomorrow."

"Really?" Nick asked when he came into the room. "That's great."

"Excellent, we'll have to work out the schedule," Catherine told her as she picked the flowers up from Sara's bed. "I've found a vase, wanna help me with these Warrick?"

"Sure," he drawled and followed him out of the room.

"Schedule?" Grissom asked curiously, his eyes settling on Nick who sat down on the end of Sara's bed.

"Yeah, we thought if we took it in turns to stay with Sara then she'll have plenty of help in the next few weeks." He grinned over at her teasingly.

"That's..." Grissom's struggled with a way to tell Nick that he had it under control but when he saw how much the younger man wanted to be a part of Sara's care he realized that he'd have to share her, albeit reluctantly. "That's a great idea."

Sara swallowed hard. She knew that the man beside her would already be fighting an inner war that raged between his desire to be with her and the fear of being with her. They had both come further in their relationship in the last few days than they had done in almost a decade. Turning to Nick, she pleaded with him silently, hoping he would pick up on the desperation in her eyes.

"Nick, would you guys mind if I had some alone time for the first day or two when I get out of here?"

Both Nick and Grissom turned to watch her curiously, and she suddenly felt as if she would melt beneath their gazes. Brass coughed slightly as he fought to hide the smile on his lips, for top-notch investigators, both Nick and Grissom could be pretty clueless at times.

"Gil, wouldn't it make you feel better if you stayed with Sara for a few days?" Brass asked as he winked at Sara who by now was becoming redder by the second.

"Uh...I..."

"Of course it would," Catherine announced as she headed back into the room carrying Sara's flowers now nestled safely in two separate vases. All eyes turned to her when she breezed into the room to place first one vase and then the other onto Sara's cabinet.

"There you go," she smiled, lifting her fingers to one of the carnation petals to rub it gently. "These should brighten things up in here."

"Thanks Cath," Sara smiled gratefully.

"So, what did the doctor say?" Warrick asked, taking his place on the end of her bed next to Nick. "They cutting you loose, girl?"

"I wish," Sara sighed. "It all depends on my blood count. If it's high enough I can go home."

"That's great, you'll be up and about in no time, which brings me back to the schedule issue," Catherine grinned. Her hand slid over Grissom's shoulder and tapped it reassuringly before she continued. "Sara, honey it's your call. The three of us can handle shift for a week or two between us, if you want Gil to stay with you for a while."

Sara glanced at Grissom and found herself mesmerized with his eyes. She wanted to tell everyone that this was the man she wanted to be with, but at the same time she sought his guidance that told her he was okay with her saying it aloud.

Grissom smiled gently and nodded his assent. Her acceptance meant more to him than he could ever put into words, and he couldn't remember a time when he had felt this content.

"You know you're all..." Sara stopped mid sentence, her voice suddenly laden with emotion. Taking a breath, she tried again, only this time feeling the strength from Grissom's fingers through hers. "I think of all of you as my family, and I don't want you to think that I don't want you to stay with me. But I need...what I mean is I want..."

"We get it Sar," Nick grinned, patting her other hand. "You guys want some alone time, and that's fine by me."

Brass grinned, congratulating himself on his suspicions turning out to be right. When Catherine's eyes turned on him, he held his arms up in mock surrender. "I promise not to call."

"You guys take all the time you need," Warrick nodded.

Catherine couldn't help the overwhelming burst of emotion that sprang up into her eyes. At this moment in time she couldn't be more prouder of both Grissom and Sara as she was right now. "Don't be surprised though if you get regular visits. We can't let you get too used to not having us around!"

"I wouldn't want it any other way," Sara smiled as she stifled a yawn. "Excuse me."

"That's our cue to leave," Catherine told everyone, her motherly voice causing everyone but Grissom to move towards the door. "You take care you two."

"We will," Grissom nodded, noticing for the first time that he had referred to him and Sara as a 'we'.

"You call as soon as you know anything, okay?" Nick urged as he blew her a kiss from the doorway. "Feel better."

"You'll be able to hear me all the way across town," she grinned.

Another round of goodbyes followed while Catherine urged everyone out of the small room only to turn around and wave her own fleeting farewell before closing the door behind her.

"Are you okay?" Sara asked quietly when they were once again alone.

"Me?" he smiled, as he placed a soft kiss on her fingers before holding her hand against his bearded cheek. "I should be asking you that question."

She smiled, his tenderness warming her heart to the point where she could believe anything. "I think I'm going to be okay."

"Me too," he agreed softly as he lifted his body from the chair to sit beside her on the bed. Moving an arm around her shoulders he pulled her into his chest and held her against him, content to have her nestled in the safety of his arms.

TBC


	11. 11

**A/N First of all I am so sorry it has taken me so long to update. RL has been a total nightmare but I managed to find some quiet time and settle down to write.**

**Huge thanks to everyone for the emails, reviews and general well wishes. You guys are great and it has been a tremendous comfort knowing I have so many people supporting me. **

**Also huge thanks to Suzy for beta-ing this while we were online last night and for pointing out the parts of the stories that needed attention. Thanks hun, you're a star. Also hugs to Laura Katharine, Niff and Marlou, my support system for the last few months. I love you guys.**

Chapter 11

Sunlight streamed through the hospital window, casting a warm glow throughout the room. Closing her eyes, Sara relished the welcoming warmth, letting it fill her senses. Part of her couldn't wait for Grissom to come back and pick her up to take her home, but if she was totally honest with herself, she knew that some small part of her was still very much afraid.

Her whole self confidence had been rocked, shattering the very part of her that had distinguished her personality from anyone else's. Gone were the sparks of rebelliousness that kept her grounded. Gone was the independent woman, who strove for justice for the innocent victims, whose lifeless corpses depended on her for answers.

Something was lost the day that Vincent Lurie took her from the life she knew. So many feelings made every problem, every doubt about herself seem so much larger than they actually were. At this point in time, Sara couldn't be sure that she would ever be able to regain her strength and repair the damage that Lurie had already done to her.

Had he been watching her before that fateful day? Had he followed her to her home and fantasized about being with her? The thought of Lurie being so close and yet undetected scared her to the very core. Would she ever feel safe on her own again? She wanted her independence back; she needed it back.

So engrossed was she in her self analysis, that she didn't notice the worried gaze of the man she loved, upon her.

Grissom watched her silently. He knew that when the time came for her to take a step out into the outside world again, with it would come the inevitable chaotic emotions. He knew just from his silent observations, that Sara was over thinking, being overly critical of herself and living in the shadow of her own self doubt.

Taking a step closer, he made his way towards her bed and reached out a tentative hand.

"Sara?"

She jumped at his touch. Blinking wildly, Sara turned her head quickly and swallowed down the lump in her throat. "Grissom?"

"Are you okay?" he asked softly as he moved to sit down onto the bed beside her.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you looked a little...distracted." His gaze met hers and he couldn't resist leaning a little closer to run his fingers through her hair.

"Oh," she smiled, blushing slightly. "I'm fine."

Grissom nodded, still unconvinced that she was anywhere near being fine, but he let it go, for now. "Okay."

Sara smiled up into his eyes and tried as best as she could to reassure him that she was going to be all right, but at the same time, she knew that he knew her better than most people actually did. "I'm ready to get out of here."

"Yeah, I saw your doctor on the way in here, he seems..." he sought for the right word, smiling as he came up with an ideal candidate. "Relieved!"

For the second time in minutes, Sara couldn't help the small chuckle that slipped from her lips. "I guess I've been a little uncooperative."

"Only a little?" He teased softly as he playfully bumped her shoulder. "We're as relieved to get you home as he is to see the back of you."

"Thanks, I think," she smiled, offering him her hand so that he could help her off of the bed.

Sara's legs wobbled slightly, and she grabbed his forearm with her other hand. Grissom reached around her shoulders, steadying her shaking body. "Sara—"

"I'm fine," she insisted. "I stood up too quickly. Give me a minute and I'll be okay."

Grissom watched her cautiously. He knew she had an infuriating stubborn streak, and that on many occasions he had been the recipient. He wanted to protect her in every way he could, if only she would let him.

Silently, he waited for her to regain her bearings and stand up a little straighter beside him. Her free hand slowly slipped from his arm and she smiled at him triumphantly, in her own way telling him that she was right to try on her own.

Leaning closer, Grissom placed a soft kiss on her forehead and bent to pick her overnight bag up from the floor. "You ready?"

"As I'll ever be."

Linking his hand through hers, Grissom led her slowly out of the room, being careful to take things slowly. She was still very sore and in no way one hundred percent fit, even though she argued that she was. "Nick's going to drop by on his way into work tonight," he told her, hoping to ease her back in amongst them again. "He said something about bringing you rabbit food."

Sara chuckled softly and looked up at him. His tender smile melted her heart and she'd never seen him look so adorable. Leaning into him, she took solace in his warmth and let his love for her heal the still open wounds in her self-confidence.

Grissom released Sara's hand and snaked it around her shoulders to pull her in closer while they walked. He could remember how furious he had been with himself when Sara's relationship with Nick had brought his jealousy to the fore. Their bond had always been more of fellow siblings than anything overtly romantic, but before he had finally seen what he'd been missing for so many years, he had worried that the two of them were involved.

Stopping just outside her room he maneuvered her towards a nurse who was waiting for her with a wheelchair.

"I don't need that," Sara protested, shaking her head in defiance when Grissom looked towards the nurse for some help.

"Regulations I'm afraid," the young nurse insisted. "If you don't get in this, then you can't be allowed to leave the hospital."

"Well, that's just stupid," Sara grumbled as she sat down reluctantly into the wheelchair. "I'm fine, really. You should save this for someone who's really sick."

Grissom shook his head and shrugged apologetically towards the young woman beside him.

"Is she always so argumentative?" she chuckled.

"Very," he grinned, earning a scowl from the woman he loved.

"Hey, I'm still here you know!" Sara complained. "You're supposed to be on my side, remember?"

Shaking his head, Grissom smiled down at her reassuringly. Soon she'd be out of here and free to walk on her own, but he'd always loved the spark of defiance in her.

He was more than relieved to see the warm sunshine welcoming them into the real world. Neither he nor Sara had seen the outside of her hospital room for days, barring the retrieval of his Yukon to take her home.

"Here we are," the nurse informed her, infuriating Sara further with her 'I'm talking to a 5 year old,' voice.

"Okay, great, I'm outside. Can I please walk now?"

"She's all yours," the nurse chuckled, allowing Grissom to link his hand with Sara's to pull her out of the chair. He smiled his thanks and ignored the sympathetic looks that the young nurse gave him.

"Was that really necessary?" Sara asked quietly, when he snaked his arm around her shoulders. "I mean, I'm not sick, not really."

Images of Sara's bloodied body suddenly burst into Grissom's mind, and he shuddered inwardly at the constant reminder that he could have lost her. These last few days, she had given him so much and asked for nothing in return, and he loved her so much more because of it.

"Let's get you home okay?" he murmured, forcing the traumatic images away. He focused on Sara, paying attention to the warmth from her body that let him know she was very much alive.

Sara lifted her face onto the warm air and took a deep cleansing breath. "It feels like weeks since I was outside."

"I know," he nodded, his own thoughts on the same line as hers. They had both been content to stay cocooned with each other inside the safety of the small hospital room, banishing everyday obstacles and closing themselves off from the outside world.

"Everything seems so much bigger than I remember," she mused, looking around her surroundings. "I know that nothing's really changed, but...well, it feels different."

"That's because everything _has_ changed," he told her with a smile. "We've changed."

Sara smiled up into his eyes and felt the familiar wetness brimming in her own. So much had happened in this last week. She had gone from feeling so desperately lonely and unwanted, to being scared for her safety and then to feeling loved more than she had ever felt in her life. The barrage of emotions had brought her to tears on so many occasions these past few days, and she doubted she would ever come to terms with so many changes in such a short space of time.

They came to a stop beside the stationary Yukon and Grissom fished inside his pocket for the keys. Sara's first initial reaction was to fight the bile that rose up from the pit of her stomach. Flashes of memories haunted her mind and she closed her eyes tightly to regain some kind of composure as to not alert the man beside her of her discomfort.

Grissom felt her tense beside him and looked around sharply, worry creasing his brow. "Sara?"

"I'm okay," she breathed, opening her eyes again. Memories of Lurie taking her away from her own Yukon brought her whole body into a trembling frenzy, but the more she tried to control it, the more she shook.

"Honey, you're not okay." Grissom placed her bag on the floor and took her into his arms. "He can't hurt you anymore."

"I know, I'm sorry...I..." pulling away from him, she gave herself a mental shake and turned towards the SUV, cursing inwardly at her weakness.

"Sara, we can take a cab if you're not ready for this."

"He's gone, right?" She told him defiantly, taking a step towards the vehicle. Lifting her shaking hands to the door, she reached to touch it slowly. "He's gone, he's not here..." The second her fingers kissed the cool metal of the Yukon, she pulled them back just as quickly, then took a step back and folded her hands protectively into the arms.

Grissom watched her silently, willing her to combat this fear and giving her the strength to do it herself. He knew this would be one hurdle she would need to conquer, and he wished more than ever that he could take her memories away for her.

Taking another breath, Sara tried again, this time gritting her teeth defiantly. "Get a grip Sidle," she hissed. "It's just a car, it can't hurt you." This time, when her fingers touched the metal frame she didn't pull back, but instead, forced herself to stay where she was. As the seconds ticked by, her mind eased the visions of Lurie away from her senses and she became more and more confident. Reaching for the handle, she pulled the door open forcefully, cleansing herself of Lurie and his loosening grip.

Grissom wanted to reach for her. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and tell her how proud he was of her, but he kept his distance while remaining close by, until she was ready to let him in. He watched on silently, urging her on with his thoughts. Every time she hesitated he willed her to find her strength and conquer her fears, hoping that in some way she would take his love and his strength to help her.

Sara was starting to feel more secure as the memories of Lurie's face started to fade away. With a triumphant smile, she climbed into the passenger seat and looked towards Grissom, amazed that he had understood her need to do this by herself. The smile she sent his way was enough to melt the ice from the highest mountain, and she hoped he knew that she loved him more than she had ever loved another human being in her life.

Grissom watched her with a mixture of love and pride, and the words _I love you, _bubbled on the tip of his tongue. Stepping closer, he leaned into the passenger seat and kissed her lips soundly before stepping away to close her door.

With Sara safely tucked inside the SUV, Grissom picked up her bag from the floor and opened the back door to place it on the seat. He then walked around to his side of the Yukon and climbed in behind the wheel.

For a few moments they just gazed at one another, content to bathe in the love that emanated between them. Reaching out to him, Sara slid her hand into his briefly before giving his fingers a squeeze. "I'm ready to go home."

0000000000

Grissom stood beside Sara on the sidewalk, waiting for her to make a move towards her apartment block. His concern for her had always taken a back seat to his fears in the past, but he couldn't deny the overwhelming wall of emotion that so often took his breath from his lungs, leaving him completely defenseless.

As he watched her now, he could feel that very same emotion building up inside him and for a moment he didn't know what to do to help her move forward. So, he decided to do the one thing he knew best. Stepping up closer behind her, he reached for her hand, his fingers seeking her warmth. When he felt her gentle squeeze in response, he knew that they were about to conquer another obstacle.

Sara's eyes drifted up towards her apartment block windows and for the first time, she sensed a feeling of complete clarity wash over her. She could feel Grissom's warmth seeping into her body and knew that no matter how many times she had feared her return to normality, as long as she had him beside her, she could win the battle with her demons.

"I shouldn't be afraid of my own apartment," she whispered. Turning slightly so she could see his eyes, she knew that he was just as much afraid as she was.

"It's only natural to feel apprehensive, Sara," he told her. Sliding his fingers through hers he gently nudged her forward, letting her know that he would be with her every step of the way.

Sara could feel her fear slowly ebbing away as he surrounded her with his warmth. Every other memory of their time in the small hospital room and what his love meant to her, gave her the courage she so desperately craved. With her hand still joined with his, she moved towards the main entrance, silencing the nightmares until they no longer held her captive.

"I can do this," she muttered, knowing every step was another one taken towards her full recovery.

"I'm right here beside you," Grissom whispered, squeezing her hand in reassurance, knowing that they still had a long way to go before she would truly be herself again.

They entered the large lobby and instantly the familiar surroundings sparked off Sara's senses, returning her to the safe retreat that had been her home. Turning slightly, she offered Grissom a small smile then led him towards the elevator.

The apartment was bathed in darkness when they walked in. The blinds were still closed across the windows and the staleness around the room hung in the air.

Releasing his hand, Sara moved towards the large living room window and pulled the cord to open the blinds, letting the warm sunshine swamp into the room. There was still something very unsettling in the pit of her stomach, and even though she knew that Lurie had never been inside her apartment, her mind still cast his unnerving presence into every room.

Turning back to face Grissom, she tried to focus on anything that would lift the veil from her mind and bring her back to her senses. She noticed an empty coffee mug still in the same place on the table where she had left it, before leaving for work almost a week earlier. For a second her memory transported her back to that day.

She'd ran out of beer and the only beverage she had left in the cupboard was some vintage brandy that she'd been given a few years earlier. She could remember the amber liquid burning her throat as she downed one mouthful, leaving the rest of it in the mug before leaving for work.

Panic started to rage through her veins. She had to essentially dispose of the offending evidence before Grissom smelt the stale alcohol on his own and decided she wasn't worth the effort after all.

"Oh God, this place is a mess." Ignoring the aching in her shoulder, she snatched the offending mug from the table and started towards the kitchen area. The last thing she wanted was for Grissom to know that she had been drinking, sometimes quite heavily in the weeks leading up to her abduction.

"Sara..." Grissom reached for her but she didn't seem to hear him.

"I need to..."

"Sara. Stop." He took her hand and stopped her movements, forcing her to meet his gaze.

"I..." she began, her lips suddenly feeling dry. "I should have made sure I cleaned before I left for work...I thought I'd be back...I thought..."

Grissom could see the ever present self-doubt creeping back into her eyes. Reaching for the mug in her hand, he took it from her and placed it onto the work surface. He didn't notice the stickiness in the bottom of the mug, nor that Sara's eyes seemed to be fixated on it. "You don't have to explain anything to me, Sara. I'm not here to check out how clean your apartment is. I'm here because I want to be here."

"I'm sorry." She whispered, relieved and saddened at the same time. "Lurie was never here, I know that, I should be able to make myself understand that...but, it feels like he's intruded into all the places that I thought were safe."

"You are safe, Sara." Reaching his hand to her hair, he smoothed down an errant strand before stepping closer to envelope her in his arms. "You have been through something traumatic. Don't beat yourself up over something that you can't control."

Tears gathered in her eyes as she forced herself to look up at him. "I feel so stupid. Why can't I get past this?"

She sank into his embrace and let his warmth surround her. She felt safe around him and the intensity of her need for him scared her. She had never needed anyone's help or comfort in the past, but since Lurie had stolen her life away from beneath her, she couldn't seem to find the strength that she had once relied on to keep her grounded.

Her arms slipped around his body and she held him to her. Even after everything they had been through. Even after all the pain and doubts, she was still just as scared as she had always been.

Grissom soothed her with his quiet murmurs of 'it's gonna be okay.' He could sense the change in her instantly and instinctively tightened his arms around her. They had both been through so much over these last few days, some things that he would much rather forget. He knew she was afraid of everything right now, but then so was he. His love for her terrified him, and at times, left him completely breathless.

Needing to reassure her, he started to slowly pull away from her so that he could look down into her eyes. "Tell me what I can do."

Sara could feel the usual wash of tears welling inside her eyes. She loved this man so much. "I want you to love me."

"Oh honey," he whispered, leaning in to place a soft kiss on her forehead. Didn't she know by now that she was everything to him? Swallowing down his own fears, he gazed into her eyes, hoping that she would see the love in his. "I _do_ love you."

Sara's heart skipped a beat when he spoke and for a moment she feared that she would wake up from some wonderful, scary dream, but this was no dream. Sniffing back the ever present tears, she reached for him, needing to feel his arms around her again.

She wanted to tell him she loved him. She wanted to reveal to him how long she had loved him, how deeply she loved him, and in some way, she knew he had always known.

The last year had left her broken inside, with Lurie's kidnapping of her the final nail that held her down. But Grissom had changed everything, her growing love for him over the years causing her more pain than happiness, until now.

"I'm so tired," she whispered, suddenly feeling that her legs would no longer support her. "I want to be me again, not the pathetic weak woman I am now. This isn't who I am."

"You're not weak," he whispered. "You have been through so much and survived it. You'll get it all back again, I promise."

Sara pulled him closer to her body, her need to feel his warmth surrounding her outweighing everything else in her mind. Her eyes focused on the discarded mug that seemed to taunt her on the kitchen surface. It held a dark secret that left her feeling lost and guilty. She knew that she had to be honest with him if they were going to start off this relationship on the right footings.

"I have some things I need to tell you," she whispered softly, her mind conjuring every kind of different explanation for her distance with everyone of late. How could she tell him the truth about seeking solace in the bottom of a bottle and yet convince him that it wasn't a problem anymore?

Grissom released his hold on her slightly and lifted his head so that he could see into her eyes. Her usually deep blown eyes were glazed with worry, and not just from the nightmares she had suffered. Lifting his hands to her face, he trailed a finger over her cheek and smiled. "I'm here."

Sara closed her eyes against the burning tears inside them and cradled his hand on her face with her own. Opening her eyes again, she returned his watery smile with one of her own before leading him over to the small couch in front of the table.

"Sara—" he started, but she silenced him with a finger to his lips.

"No...Gil, let me say this okay?"

His silent nod gave her the tiniest bit of confidence that she needed to unleash her burdens and release herself from the ever present pain within. Taking a deep breath, she averted her eyes and thought of a way to begin what was going to be a very difficult admission. "When I was in the hospital I told you some things, but I wasn't totally honest with you."

"Ooo-kay." Grissom watched her cautiously as if she was a delicate package that could explode any second.

"I hadn't been happy—no, that's not totally true." Looking down at their intertwined fingers she blew out a breath before looking into his eyes again. "I felt like I had this big dark cloud looming over my head, and nothing could make it go away...and I did something...some things..."

Grissom couldn't bear to see her struggling to tell him what was on her mind, so he offered her a way out, telling himself that whatever it was that was still keeping her from him didn't matter any more. "Sara...honey, it doesn't matter now..."

"But it does matter," she insisted, letting a single tear escape to roll down her cheek. "I thought you'd lost faith in me, that you didn't think I was worthy of anything but your criticism. But, I was stronger than that, so I focused on the promotion. I wanted to prove you wrong and be the best I could be, because no matter what you thought of me, I was a damn good CSI."

"You are..."

"But you recommended Nick, and everything started to slip away from me." Shaking her head she relived the darkest moments of her life before Lurie. "I have no real friends here, or at the time I thought I didn't. I had no one to talk to, although Brass gave me his advice."

"Excuse me," Grissom asked, squeezing her hand gently before he continued. "Brass?"

"He told me...I'd find more problems in..." she met his eyes and was instantly taken in by the gentleness in them. "He said I'd find more problems than solutions in the bottom of a bottle."

Grissom sat quietly taking everything in and suddenly it all seemed to fall into place. Her dark moods, her distance, her reluctance to be alone with him, it all made sense now.

"Say something," she whispered, desperate for him to say anything to convey how he was feeling right at this moment.

"I wish you'd have come to me," he told her quietly, his fingers gently stroking hers. "I should have been more supportive."

"I could have been more open too," she whispered, "but I thought you hated me."

"Oh, Sara." Moving closer, he engulfed her in his arms, pulling her closer, being mindful of her still tender injuries. "We've both wasted so much time."

"I thought you'd be disappointed..."

"In you...no. Myself, yes. I should have asked you if everything was okay, but I didn't and I could have lost you because of it."

"No...no you couldn't. No matter how badly I thought you thought of me, moving on from you is something that I couldn't quite achieve. I..."

When her voice trailed off, Grissom nudged her gently. "You what?"

Sara wanted to tell him she had loved him for a long time but something still held her back. Leaning her head into the crook of his shoulder she let the feelings slide and relaxed against him. "I'm really tired."

"Okay," his breath brushed against her ear, causing her to shiver involuntarily against him. Moving back slightly, he began to release her, instantly missing her when she lifted herself from the couch to stand before him.

She watched him carefully, wanting him to come and lay with her more than anything else in the world. Holding out a shaky hand, she watched for his reaction, hoping he knew she wanted his closeness. He had been her rock in the hospital, keeping her nightmares at bay with his presence. She needed him to know that she still wanted that connection with him, more so now that she was home.

The slow, understanding, then slightly embarrassed smile that formed on his lips brought a new found warmth to her heart. His hand joined hers in slow motion, as if everything they had shared over the past few days had merged into one pure emotion.

He followed her blindly, knowing that their need for each other to heal was all they craved right now.

Sara's bedroom revealed the still made bed that indicated it hadn't been slept in for a while. Unlike the rest of the apartment, there was nothing out of place, no evidence to suggest that this room had been used in a very long time.

"I haven't used this room in a while," she admitted when he turned to her in silence.

"Oh...I..."

"I never slept with Hank," she whispered softly, keeping her eyes averted from his. He didn't need to know, she knew that, but somehow it made her feel better knowing he'd heard the truth from her, and that she hadn't slept with anyone since moving to Vegas.

Grissom didn't know what to say. He wished he could have offered her the same of him, but he hadn't been exactly celibate. All he could offer her now was his undying devotion, and the promise that when they did eventually take the next step into intimacy that he would always belong to her.

Letting go of his hand, Sara moved towards the bed and sat down on the edge of the mattress. Grissom's silence both scared and reassured her at the same time and for a moment she couldn't bring herself to meet his gaze.

She felt his presence before she saw him as he knelt down in front of her and took her hands. "Thank you for telling me."

She shrugged her shoulders as if the admission hadn't bothered her, but she knew he could see right through her façade. When he didn't move, she thought he might turn and flee. But when he came closer and gently urged her to lie back into the pillows, she met his gaze and knew they had crossed the invisible line that had always kept them apart in the past.

Grissom slowly sat down next to her on the bed and reached down to remove her shoes from her feet, one by one.

Sara watched him silently, his gentleness causing her to reach for his hands. He threaded his fingers through hers, and watched, mesmerized as she brought their joined hands to her lips.

There was so much she needed to say to him, but her words seemed to die on her lips. The last week had seen her go from a self confident, independent woman, to a scared shell of the person she'd been. She owed him so much. Grissom had not only become the man she always knew he was, but also the light in her darkness. He lit the way forward, melting her fears away.

Grissom could see the changing emotions in her eyes, and before he could stop himself, the words he had been so afraid to say before, spilled out onto his lips. "I love you."

Sara's hands stilled and she untangled her fingers so that she could caress his face as she brought him down to her lips. "I love you, too," she whispered, feeling elated and unburdened at the same time. Those three words had haunted her for so long, and only now, when she was finally able to unleash them and free her heart, did she understand how much she had needed to tell him.

Grissom's breath left him. It had been so long since a woman had whispered those words to him and meant them. Leaning in closer, he captured her lips and kissed her with every ounce of love that he possessed. This time there was no holding back, no hiding emotions that ached to be set free. They loved each other, had done so for a long time, and now they had both voiced their love, giving it a life of its own.

Closing her eyes, Sara focused on the feel of him, etching his touch into her mind. The memory of Lurie's hands upon her had left a deep scar, that still kept her locked inside an emotional prision. She wanted to be free. She needed Grissom to erase those memories and create new ones, memories that would burn inside her for all the right reasons.

Despite the pain in her shoulders, she reached for him and tried to pull him down to her lips. He readily complied, kissing her with a passion she had never known before. No man had ever made her feel like she was the only woman in his world, and her need for him grew deeper.

"Love me," she whispered hurriedly, desperately trying to remove his shirt as her hand left his neck to force the buttons apart.

All kinds of alarm bells rang inside Grissom's head and he had to fight with the rational side of his brain to register how wrong this was. He knew Sara still had a long way to go before she would be completely healed, and even more so before she was ready for the intimacy they were heading towards.

Focusing on every ounce of will power he had, he pulled his lips from hers and reached down to catch her hands with his. "Sara..." His breath came in ragged gasps and his body screamed out in protest, but he knew he had to be strong for both of them.

Sara stopped for a moment, opening her eyes to meet his in confusion. "Why have you stopped?"

"We can't do this..."

His words sent a thunderbolt straight to her heart and Lurie's grip on her tightened once again. "You don't want me..." Straightening her shirt, she released his hands and started to push herself away from him. Lurie's words rang in her ears, had he been right all along?

"Sara...God, honey, I want you, of course I want you." In desperation he reached for her hands and made her look at him. "I love you."

"Lurie told me..."

"He lied to you, Sara." Shuffling closer he slowly pulled her towards him. "He told you that no one would love you. He told you that you would never be free...Don't let his hatred pull you down, if you do, then he's won and you'll forever be doubting yourself." Pulling her hands to either side of his face, he leant in closer so she could feel the breath from his lips. "You are loved, Sara, more than you could ever know."

"I know," she nodded, tears springing to her eyes. "Make him go away."

"I will," he whispered, kissing her tears away. "But not like this, not yet."

Laying her back down onto the bed, Grissom removed his shoes and laid down beside her. He sought her warmth and pulled her into his arms, holding her close to him and relishing the feel of her body against his.

"I'm sorry," she whispered against his chest.

"Shh," he kissed her head and closed his eyes. "Rest now, we can talk about this later."

Closing her eyes, Sara relaxed against him. His love surrounded her, easing away the cobwebs of doubts that had sought to weave her mind with uncertainties. Vincent Lurie didn't emerge from the darkness to take her into a screaming nightmare this time. Instead, Gil Grissom's love encircled her, protecting her with his devotion, enabling healing sleep to calm her for the first time in many months.

TBC


	12. 12

**A/N I'm sorry this has taken so long to post. Huge thanks to Mossley for beta-ing for me. I've added another page since last night so all mistakes are my own!**

**There will be a sequel sometime in the future, but due to a cranky computer and RL stuff, I'm taking a back seat for a little while. Thank you so much to everyone who has read and reviewed. Your words of encouragement are so wonderful, that they give me the strength to carry on writing. Thank you, everyone. I'll be back soon.**

Sara awoke with start and sat bolt upright. Breathing deeply, she tried to calm her racing heartbeat and take in her surroundings. As she brought her breathing under control she wondered how many times she had awoken like this, too afraid to take a good look around her for fear that she wouldn't like what she saw.

Recognizing her own bedroom, slow memories started to drift back into her mind. She cursed herself for the weakness that still held her captive. She wanted her life back.

Grissom moved slightly, rolling onto his side to face her. His eyes were closed in slumber and his usually serious face was relaxed and devoid of the every day stress she was so accustomed to seeing on him.

Laying back down into the pillows, she turned on her side, content to watch him while he slept. He was oblivious to the fear that still came back to seize its ugly hold around her heart, oblivious to its restraints that chased away any contentment that was still so new between them. She could feel it, even now. The darkness lingered over her soul, smothering her with uncertainty and the more she tried to fight it, the more it took its hold.

The depression inside her had started to eat away at her, its deadly grip showering her with images of women from Grissom's past, convincing her of things that not so long ago Catherine had tried to quell. The older woman had insisted that Sara was the one Grissom wanted, and back at the hospital she had believed it. But now, Terri Millers and Lady Heathers taunting images whirled around and around inside her head bringing her vulnerability and battered confidence to collide with logic, causing her to question Grissom's feelings for her.

Lifting a shaky hand, she reached to touch Grissom's arm, needing to feel him. He was the only thing preventing the depression from taking her back down into despair and as much as she fought with her demons, right at this moment she needed him to be strong for her. She needed him to take her into his warmth and hold her until the images had faded away.

Shuffling closer, she closed the distance, her fingers caressing his shirt clad arms, willing him to wake up and hold her. Closing her eyes, she took the warmth emanating from his body into her own, his heated closeness comforting her in the shadows that Lurie had created.

Grissom instantly opened his eyes when Sara touched him and rolled onto his back then turned to face her. "Hey," he whispered with a sleepy smile.

"Hey," she whispered, her voice laced with guilty relief.

Grissom yawned loudly and lifted one of his hands to her face to brush his fingers along her cheek before turning his wrist to take a look at his watch. "Wow," he mused, "we've been asleep for three hours."

Sara nodded silently as she snuggled into his side, drawing warmth from his body. Grissom waited for her to find a comfortable position before slipping his arms around her shoulders, pulling her closer. "Did you get much sleep?"

"A little," she whispered, hoping he would accept her answer without his worried questioning, but when silence greeted her she found herself immersed into her own insecurities and lifted her head to look at him. She needed his voice as much as she needed him. "Grissom?"

"Hmm?"

"Talk to me."

Grissom smiled and leant over to place a soft kiss on her head. "Honey, I am talking to you."

"No—I mean…" Shaking her head she tried not to think how ridiculous she must have sounded, even to him. "Doesn't matter."

"Sara…"

Grissom spoke her name with such tenderness that she suddenly found herself gazing into the blue intensity of his eyes. "Your voice…helps…when I…"

He knew what she meant the second she had asked him to talk to her. Reaching for her, he pulled her closer towards him, hoping that he could help to drive the remaining fears away.

As much as Sara wanted to forget about the past and everything that had happened to her, she still couldn't shake the remnants of what had originally driven Lurie to murder and kidnapping, and Grissom to love her.

"He told me I looked like her," she whispered softly, her voice cutting through the silence in the room, hoping he would understand that she needed to slay this particular demon before she could move on. "I saw a glimpse of her face when I was taking her toe prints, and although she looked similar—"

"She looked so much like you, Sara." Grissom's strangled voice caused her to look at him worriedly. "God, when I saw her…"

"Tell me about it," she asked him then, moving closer to him as she sought solace in his arms.

"It's not something I want to remember."

"Please Grissom, I need to know about her." Lifting herself up on one elbow, she gazed down into his eyes and chewed her bottom lip worriedly. "I need to know why a man who knew I wasn't who he thought I was, could do the things he did."

"Sara…"

"Please?"

Closing his eyes briefly, Grissom opened the floodgates to his memories; ones that were only recently welded shut. He didn't want to remember the sheer panic that had flooded his veins when he'd seen Debbie Marlin lying in a pool of her own blood. He didn't want to remember how his heart almost stopped beating when he stepped closer to the body and realized how much she looked like the woman who he had tried so hard not to fall in love with. He could remember, though, with perfect clarity, how he had forced himself to back away and search for Sara on the sidewalk, and his relief when he reassured himself that the woman lying dead on the floor wasn't his Sara, but a carbon copy shell of her.

"I felt as if my whole world had fallen apart…" Taking another breath Grissom opened his eyes and turned to look into her troubled eyes. Lifting a hand to her face, he cupped her cheek and watched mesmerized when she closed her eyes and leant into his touch. "I have never been so scared in all my life."

"But you didn't say anything—"

"How could I?" he asked softly. "I was trying not to fall apart and keep everything together. I was trying to deal with my own insecurities about loving you and being loved by you…and then I was confronted with a scene straight out of a nightmare…and I couldn't deal with it."

"I didn't know," she told him softly. "I heard you tell a stranger how you felt about me but when you couldn't tell me yourself…I started to think I'd imagined it all and maybe that you didn't feel anything for me after all."

"You didn't imagine it, Sara."

Laying back down onto his chest, she reached out to pull him closer to her. "I wish we could go back in time, before Lurie, before the depression and before the drinking."

"I know," he whispered as his fingers combed through her hair. "I wish I could shake the visions away, but when I think how close I came to losing you…"

"Would you have told me you loved me if Lurie hadn't…" her voice trailed off and she suddenly didn't want to know the answer to her own question. She didn't want to think about whether Grissom's feelings for her were brought on by his own guilt. Shaking her head against his chest she pushed herself away from him. "I need the bathroom."

"Sara…I…" He watched, suddenly numb, unable to move after her and tell her what she needed to hear. He'd accidentally brought back the barrier between them, his inexperience turning into disaster when he should have said something, anything to keep her from running away from him. But he watched her leave him, his voice mute as he fought to fix the damage he wished he could chase away with the right words.

The shower started inside the bathroom and Grissom didn't know if he was more relieved or afraid of the temporary separation. Sara needed his strength to overcome whatever she was going through and he needed hers, however little she was able to give him.

Sitting up, he placed his feet onto the floor and stood to his feet before leaving the safety of the bedroom. Sara had always been the only woman who could scare him to death, but over the time he'd known her he'd accepted that fear and learned from it. He loved her, and she'd been right to ask if he would have told her the truth if this whole nightmare wouldn't have happened. The only problem was that he didn't know the answer to that question himself yet.

Taking a tentative step towards the closed bathroom door, he reached up a hand and rapped his knuckles on the wooden obstacle that stood between him and her.

"Sara."

Sara heard his voice calling out to her above the spray of the water from the shower. She knew he was worried about her; she was worried about herself too. Nothing had ever left her so completely vulnerable before and she didn't know how to deal with it.

Her eyes slipped back to her own reflection in the steaming mirror above the sink. The woman staring back at her couldn't possibly be her. When had her eyes become so gaunt and pale?

The ugly bruises around her eyes and cheek bones had started to turn purple, and she was sure that if she wished hard enough then she could prove to herself that this wasn't real, that the pain she endured really didn't happen at all. If she could only wake up to find Grissom asleep beside her again, and then this image of herself would really be nothing but a bad dream.

"Sara…" Grissom called again, his voice breaking through the fear inside her. His velvety voice terminated the worry in her eyes for a few precious seconds and she found herself transported away from here, but when he called out her name again, the worry in his voice brought everything back again.

She couldn't answer him, she didn't know how to. How could anyone stand to look upon her when she looked so battered? She now knew why he couldn't make love to her before. She was damaged goods, someone else's cast offs. Why would he settle for her when he could have so easily settled for someone else?

Lady Heathers image found its way into her mind but she shut it off immediately. Sara hated feeling like this. This battered, insecure shell of a woman wasn't her, it couldn't be. Taking a deep breath she tried not to let her self doubt convince her of things that maybe never happened between Grissom and Heather.

Letting her eyes fall from the mirror, she gazed upon her bare arms with sickening guilt. She hadn't fought Lurie, she hadn't yelled, screamed or tried to stop him. She had been frozen in a mixture of fear and disbelieving and now he was haunting her, leaving his essence behind.

She could still feel his acid touch; his loathsome feel lingering over her skin like some sick disease. Maybe if she were cleansed of him then maybe his presence would fade away. She had to try. Grissom's love wasn't enough to erase him from her memories; she had to eradicate him from her body as well.

Turning away from the sink, she pulled her clothes away from her body to leave a trail behind her. Pulling open the shower curtain she stepped inside, ignoring the pain from her healing wounds as the hot water hit them.

Picking up the sponge she poured shower gel over the surface until it was dripping over the edges, leaking down onto the water tray beneath her feet. Sara threw the near empty bottle into the pooling water below and started scrubbing her skin, harder and harder until she could see her flesh growing red beneath the soap covering her arms.

Grissom was becoming worried and reached down to turn the handle. "Sara, I'm gonna open the door."

He was met with silence that only served to make him more anxious. Gulping down his fears, he turned the handle and slowly opened the door. "Sara…honey, are you okay?"

Steam engulfed him when he stepped inside, billowing around him like a foggy cloud. "Sara?"

When she failed to answer him, he moved further into the room trying to find her through the clammy haze. He called her name again, hoping to quell the fear that still lingered inside him.

It took a few moments for his eyes to find her through the fog, but when he eventually did the sight that greeted him caused him to lose his breath. Sara stood beneath the water, scrubbing her skin until it was red raw. The image broke his heart.

"God, Sara," he whispered helplessly while she scoured herself beneath the hot sprays of water.

"I want him off me," she growled angrily, acknowledging his presence without looking towards him. "He's all over me—help me get him off…"

"Sara stop it," Grissom urged anxiously as he grabbed a towel from the rail and moved towards her. "You're hurting yourself."

"I'm getting what I deserve."

"No…" Grissom's voice died in his throat and he suddenly didn't know what to do. Here was the woman he loved, making herself bleed through her own self punishment but he didn't know how to stop her.

Sara reached for another bottle of shower gel and shook it violently until half of it had emptied out onto her sponge and hands before discarding the bottle along with the others. Her mind urged her on, convincing her that she was purifying herself of Vincent Lurie.

Grissom couldn't take any more. Opening the towel wide, he stepped up closer to her so that the water from the shower covered half of his shirt. He reached inside to turn off the burning hot sprays that scolded her pale skin. Wrapping the towel around her body he pulled her away from the sprays, tightening his hold on her when she started to struggle against him.

"Stop…please…stop…" he urged, holding onto her while she still fought him. He wanted her to stop hurting like this, he wanted her to be the Sara he'd fallen in love with all those years ago, but more than that, he wanted her to feel safe again.

Her sudden sobs cracked his heart in two and he began to rock her from side to side, whispering words of loving reassurance into her hair. Nothing could had prepared him for the complete devotion he was feeling and he knew, no matter what it was going to take to help her through this nightmare, he was willing to do it.

"It's going to be okay, Sara," he whispered softly as he rocked her. "We'll get through this."

Sara nodded against him as she hiccupped into his chest. She wanted to believe him, and in some ways she did, but there was still that small part within her that reigned in chaos.

Grissom's arms slowly started to loosen their hold on her and she felt him trying to lead her away from the steam filled room. She resisted him at first, but only until she could regain her bearings and take control of the darker side within her.

"I'm sorry…"

Grissom focused on her bare feet, watching each foot moving in turn. His mind chanted with every movement—'left… right… left… right.'

He knew he should say something to her, something that could be construed as his total confidence in knowing what he was doing. But he didn't know anything, not when it came to helping her. He just hoped she wouldn't see through his façade and see just how scared he actually was.

When they left the bathroom, Grissom could almost hear his chest sighing in relief. He carefully lifted his other arm around her shoulder and guided her back towards her bedroom, one step at a time.

Leading her over to the bed, Grissom eased her down onto the mattress and watched silently when she hung her head, unable to look at him.

He didn't know much about women, which was something that would almost certainly never change. But Gil Grissom knew Sara. Taking a step closer towards her, he sank slowly to the floor so that he was kneeling in front of her.

"Sara," he whispered croakily as he took her hands gently into his own. "I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for you…but I need you to know that I will always be here for you."

"Even now?" Her voice was so soft that Grissom almost didn't hear it. He watched her in awe as she lifted her head slightly, enough so that he could see into her eyes.

Grissom gulped visibly, his feelings for Sara were both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. When his eyes met hers, it was as if the floodgates of knowledge began to open and he suddenly knew what he had to do.

Lifting up on his knees, he reached up to gently brush a stray strand of hair away from her eyes. "Especially now."

"But?"

"I know I can't help you with some of the things that you need to talk through, but I can help with the other things." His hand cupped her cheek tenderly as he spoke, and he was more relieved than any words could convey when she didn't shy from his touch.

"I'm stuck, Grissom," she rasped out slowly, her visible turmoil shining from her eyes. "He still holds onto me, and nothing I do will make him go away…"

"We'll make him stop, Sara…I promise you that no matter what happens, we'll make you forget he ever existed."

"How can we?" she asked desperately. "He's there when I sleep, when I look at myself in the mirror, when I wake up…tell me how to cleanse myself and I will…"

Grissom squeezed her fingers gently and lifted them slightly so that she focused on their joined hands. "This is how…"

At first she didn't quite understand his meaning, but something in his eyes made everything become so much clearer. He loved her, and no matter how bad life became in the future, he would still love her. The nagging doubts that she was the only woman he loved still kept her chained, but she fought them back and focused on him.

"I'm scared."

Grissom moved up to sit beside her on the bed and pulled her into a gentle embrace. "Don't tell anyone, but so am I."

"I won't tell," she whispered with a small smile as she leant into him.

"Nick is going to be here soon," he told her. "Do you want me to tell him you're resting?"

"No…I mean…" closing her eyes, she shook her head to try and ease the mugginess away before finally admitting something that she never thought she would. "I think… I need help."

"Then you'll have it." Grissom kissed her forehead gently as he stood up to find her some cooling cream for the red patches she'd inflicted upon her skin. "Don't worry about anything, okay?"

Sara watched on quietly as he left the room, and suddenly felt as if she had been abandoned. Pulling the towel closer around her body, she stood up on wobbly feet and started to walk towards the open bedroom door.

Making her way through to the living room, she expected to find him busily searching through her cupboards for ointments but he wasn't doing anything. He stood motionless in the middle of her room. Taking another step closer, she started to reach for him, but suddenly stopped when she heard a soft shudder emanating from him.

"Grissom?"

"Oh…" he reached up to wipe the wetness from his face before turning to face her. "I thought you were going to stay in the bedroom."

"I wanted to come out here," she told him as she stepped closer to him. "What's wrong?"

"Wrong?" he asked, as if her question was some kind of ruse. "Nothing."

Sara regarded him carefully and felt the huge wall of guilt rise up inside her chest. She had once again caused him pain, and he was the last person in the world that she ever wanted to hurt. "God, I'm so sorry," she told him softly, choking through the lump in her throat. Pulling the towel closer around her body, she took a step towards him, aching for his arms to claim her. "I'm so sorry."

Grissom pulled her close to his chest and wrapped his arms around her. His own emotions were already overwhelming. He tried so hard to push them away but he couldn't seem to do it.

"Shhh," he whispered into her hair, his own voice cracking as he spoke. "It's okay."

"No it's not," she sniffed, burying herself further into his embrace. "I did this to you, it's my fault."

Grissom pulled away slightly so that he could look down into her haunted eyes. There was still something buried deep down inside her, something that she wasn't telling him. Her eyes bore her sorrow, and even though he didn't want to think of all she had been through, he couldn't help but think that this unhappiness was seeping out from some other misery. "No, nothing is your doing Sara, don't ever think that." He told her softly, hoping his reassurance would chase her demons away.

"I don't ever want to hurt you, Gil. I…"

"You haven't." He pulled her back to his chest and kissed her forehead gently as he spoke. "I can't bear to see you like this. I feel so useless, I don't even know how to help you."

"You are helping me," Sara told him as she pulled away from his embrace to take a hold of his hand. "I can't get through this mess without you."

"You won't have to, Sara," he told her softly as he sniffed back the emotion in his eyes. "I'm in this for as long as you need me."

"Only for as long as I need you? What if I'll always need you?" She asked cautiously, her eyes dropping down to their interwoven fingers.

Grissom watched her in awe. Sara Sidle was the most amazing woman he had ever met and to have her love was the one thing he thought he would never have. Now that she was here, showing him how wonderful life could be, he knew he would never let anything come between them.

"Then, I will be the happiest man alive," he told her huskily.

Sara's head snapped up as she tried to read his eyes. The love she saw emanating from his deep blue orbs gave her hope for the answers that she had so desperately craved. If anyone could help her erase her past and chase away the memories, it was him.

Lifting his hand to her lips she pressed a soft kiss into his palm and tried to stop the flow of tears that had once again welled up inside her eyes. "I hope you believe me…I really do love you."

Grissom's eyes closed briefly when she whispered those beautiful endearments. He could never tire of hearing her say she loved him. Those three simple words had a power all of their own and every time she uttered them, he felt another year lifting from him.

Opening his eyes again, he reached out to pull her back into his embrace. "I'll never tire of hearing you say them."

"I love you," she whispered, kissing his chin gently before tracing her lips further towards his lips. "I love you. I love you…"

The words disappeared when she kissed him, sealing their love together in an unspoken action of total commitment.

Grissom could have so easily let her take over his body, her lips demanding more from him than kisses, but still he held back for fear of acting upon their passion too soon.

Breaking the kiss, he held her close to him while he caught his breath. "Nick will be here soon."

Sara tried to conceal the disappointment in her eyes, but she couldn't. She wanted his love in every possible way, and even though she could feel his own body's readiness, it didn't stop her worries from taking over her mind. If only he would make love to her and let her show him just how much she loved and needed him, then Heather would be nothing but a long distant memory.

"Hey," he smiled when she lowered her gaze from his. Tilting her head upwards with his fingers so he could look into her eyes, he shook his head slightly as he once again caught her lips with his own.

Sara stayed perfectly still, afraid to let herself be consumed by him incase he would pull away from her again. After a few blissful seconds, she realized that her body wasn't listening. Her hands started the slow trek up his body, devouring every part of him.

Her whole body started to tremble as she lifted her arms to encircle his neck, trying to ignore the burning pain that had began its searing ache along her side. Pulling back abruptly, she lowered her arm as slowly as she could; concentrating on easing the nauseating burning that had started to consume her.

"Sara?" Grissom asked worriedly when her face became sickly white. "Honey, are you okay?"

"My arm," she moaned, her voice a soft whimper as she moved to sit down onto her couch.

Grissom shook his head worriedly. He'd known she wasn't ready for anything beyond kisses yet. He should have stopped the kiss before it had begun, but he couldn't bear to see the loss in her eyes. Moving forward, he sat down onto the couch beside her and rubbed a soothing hand across her back. "You can't have any more meds for another hour," he told her sympathetically. "I'm sorry, honey, I shouldn't have pushed you."

"You didn't push me," she told him quietly as she leaned into his side. "If this damn arm hadn't started hurting…"

"Your arm hurting is the sign that we should wait," he told her. "You aren't fully healed yet."

"I don't want to wait," she told him quickly. "I've waited enough."

"So a little longer won't make any difference." He couldn't help but smile when her lips pouted, totally unimpressed by his amusement. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You might—"shaking her head, she bit down on her lip nervously as she cursed herself for opening the floodgates to a conversation she was sure neither of them were ready for. "Never mind."

"You're scared I'm going to leave you?" he asked incredulously. How could she ever think that? He loved her.

"I'm sorry, ignore me…my arm's sore…" Pushing herself away from him she started to get up from the couch until he stopped her.

"Sara, talk to me."

There had been so many things that Sara had once feared, but none of those things could ever compare to losing him forever. She couldn't shake the rumours from her mind that he'd slept with Lady Heather no matter how many times she had tried to. What if it was true? What would happen to them?

"Sara?"

His voice caused her whole body to tremble. Part of her wanted to hear the truth, but the other part didn't. Sitting back into the couch she closed her eyes briefly before she thought about what to say.

"I never slept with Hank. I know I told you that already, but I want you to know."

"Sara, what's this all about? Do you really think that anything would change between us even if you had slept with him? The past is where it should be, left in the past." Leaning in closer to her, he combed his fingers through her hair as he tried to pour some reassurance into her trembling body.

"Do you love me?" Her voice shook as she spoke, and as much as she tried to stop it, she couldn't.

"What? You know I do…"

"How long?"

"How long, what?" he asked in confusion.

"How long have you loved me?" she asked softly. "When did you know?"

Grissom drew out a long breath before he could answer her question. He had no idea why she was suddenly so insecure of his feelings for her. They had both come so far but now it just seemed they had taken a massive step backwards. "I can't remember a time when I haven't loved you."

Sara's eyes snapped to his. Maybe the rumours were just that; rumours, and there was no truth to them at all. His answer wasn't one she had been expecting, but it filled her with a warmth that consumed her. "Me too."

"I remember the first time I saw you," he smiled. "You were so young…"

"So were you," she told him as she snuggled into his side, aching for his warmth as well as his love.

"You were amazing and our long conversations left me wondering how I could possibly go on without you." Placing his arm around her shoulders, he waited for her to find a comfortable position. "Arm okay?" he asked.

"Still sore, but it's fine." She looked up into his eyes and smiled. Lady Heather's presence had briefly evapourated into the back of her mind, but she still lingered there, taunting. She wanted so much to ask him outright about her, but she was still afraid of what his answer would be. So instead she chose to sit beside him in a comfortable silence and enjoy the feeling of him close by.

"I think I knew, when you wanted to leave." Grissom's voice broke through her thoughts and she turned to look up towards him. "I didn't know what to do. I thought I was going to lose you."

Sara watched him silently. For so long now she had started to believe that he would never love her in the way that she wanted. When she'd given him her leave of absence papers, she hadn't been thinking of anything except putting some distance between them, but she had always known that leaving him behind could never have been an option.

"You couldn't lose me," she whispered. "Even if you didn't have any feelings for me at all, I can't help it. I can't remember a time when I didn't love you, and there's been so many times when I wished I could have turned those feelings off, but I can't."

Grissom's hand stilled on her back as he thought about what she was trying to tell him. There was still something holding her back and keeping her from believing that she was the only woman for him. "When did you want to turn them off?"

Sara shook her head slightly and closed her eyes. She wanted to release the burden that she carried. She wanted to believe him when he told her he would never leave. But what if she could never measure up?

"Are the rumours true about you and…" her voice trailed off, unable to utter the other woman's name. She still felt so vulnerable and caught up in Heathers shadow. Before Lurie she had been tough and self reliant, but now, no matter how many people reassured her that she hadn't changed in their eyes, she knew their words were only meant to keep her safe. She had changed, and not for the better.

Grissom froze, suddenly everything became clear. Sara's self doubt and her need to make love. She wasn't only trying to prove to herself that he did love her; she was trying to prove to herself that she was the only one in his life.

"You don't have to worry about her, Sara. I'm here, exactly where I want to be."

"I asked you before if you'd have told me you loved me if Lurie hadn't…if he hadn't done this to me…" she looked down at her body in disgust as she spoke. "I've tried to get you to notice me for so long, and then suddenly you do, and I'm so confused…" Pulling away from him she moved off of the couch and stood to face him. "Heather's a beautiful woman and I'm…I'm nothing."

"Sara, don't…"

"I'm a mess. I don't have anything. All I do is work…and I couldn't even commit to a relationship with another man because I loved you. Even when I heard that you'd slept with another woman, I still couldn't sleep with him. I'm pathetic." She started to pace as she spoke, her words turning into rants as she unleashed her fears in a barrage of words that wouldn't stop. "Then a nurse dies and she could be my twin and I can't understand why you won't let me anywhere near you… then I hear you tell someone that you can't risk anything for me…and then I start to think that maybe I'm going nuts because I think I see love in your eyes for a few seconds and then it's replaced with contempt."

Grissom got to his feet and took hold of her shoulders to stop her from pacing. "Sara…"

Sara dropped her eyes to his chest and didn't stop the tears from falling as she whispered the words that she had wanted to say to him for so long. "You tell me you love me but I don't know if it's me who you really want."

Grissom stopped moving. He hadn't been prepared for this. Had his brief encounter with Heather really caused so much damage? Lifting her chin with his finger, he sought her eyes with his own tear filled ones. "I wish I could take it all back, Sara. It was never something I intended to happen but I thought I'd lost you, and I needed something to make the pain go away."

"Do you love her?"

"What? No…I never did…it's always been you." Reaching out, he pulled her into his aching body and let her sobs seep into him. He wished he could erase the last few months and convince her that she was the only woman he had ever fallen so deeply in love with.

Sara sank into his embrace and let her tears flow when she felt his arms surround her. She was exhausted. Every ounce of pain and misery that she had endured over the last year from Grissom's sleeping with another woman and her suffering at the hands of Vincent Lurie, seemed to pour out with every tear that fell from her eyes and into Grissom's shirt.

His hands and the sweep of his fingers over her back and shoulders demonstrated his feelings of love and his devotion for her.

"We're gonna make it through this, Sara," he whispered into her hair, his own tears moistening her silken strands. "I wish you'd have told me about this sooner."

"I couldn't…"

"I know. I'm so sorry I made you feel that I didn't care about you." He tightened his hold as her bloodied image found its way into his mind. "I never wanted Heather, Sara. Please believe me."

"I want to. I really want to." She shook her head against his chest and clung to him. "I only hope you can forgive me."

"Forgive you? I'm the one who should be asking that of you." His hands combed through her hair as he spoke, his warmth enveloping her in his healing cocoon. "I was so stupid, Sara. I should have told you how I felt about you before I let it come to this."

"I'm sorry for being a whiney pain in the butt," she whispered, her tears turning to laughter as the words slipped from her lips.

"I don't care if you're whiney or a pain in the butt," he told her with a smile. Moving back slightly he looked down into her eyes. "Promise me that you'll ask me about stuff that's bothering you before you convince yourself of things that will never happen?"

She nodded silently and laid her head into his shoulder. "Will you come with me when I see the shrink?"

"The correct term is a psychiatrist, honey," he grinned, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "You know I'll go with you."

"What about work? What if I can't do it anymore?" she pulled his body closer to her as she wrapped her arms around his torso. "What if I've lost everything?"

"One step at a time," he told her in a whisper. "Let's worry about work when we've sorted out everything else, okay?"

"Okay."

Sara pulled out of his arms slowly and linked her hands with his as she stood back to look at him. His watery smile left her short of breath and she still marveled at how he was still capable of bringing her to a standstill. His touch healed her in so many more ways than anything else ever could. She looked upon him now not as the man who had been so unattainable in the past, but as the man she knew had taken her heart so many years ago.

"You should go and put some clothes on," he told her softly as he eyed the damp towel that barely covered her body. "I'm sure Nick would probably enjoy the view, but I'm not so sure I'd like to see him enjoying you."

She looked down at her own towel clad body then back up into his eyes. "I'm sorry I've been so hard to be with…"

"It doesn't matter now, honey," he told her as he lifted a hand to her red inflamed arm. He traced the blemishes with his fingers, willing the pain to leave her body and bring her back to some kind of peace. She needed to feel his love and support for her more than ever now. "I'll find you something to put on your arms."

"No. I think I'll leave it as it is." She met his worried gaze and offered him a small smile. "I need to feel the pain. Pain keeps me grounded."

"I won't let you slip away, Sara."

Sara nodded silently, her eyes filling with the ever present tears that she had so often shed over the last few months. "Then, hang on to me, Grissom. Don't let me fall, okay?"

"I won't…I promise. We're going to work through this and we're going to get back everything we've lost."

"I'll need you when Lurie…" she stopped and shook her head, determined not to let the mere mention of his name encompass her any more. Squeezing his hand, she hoped her touch told him everything she was trying to convey to him. "When it goes to court and I have to testify…I'll need to know that I have this to come back to."

"You'll always have this, Sara."

His words of so long ago now echoed in her mind and she was tempted to repeat them to him, just as a reminder of the events that sent her world spiraling out of control. But she didn't.

"I know what to do about this now, Sara," he told her softly, his smile indicating that he knew exactly what she was thinking. "I couldn't do it then, but I can do it now…I don't want to risk losing you again."

"You won't…"

Sara's doorbell rang with a loud hum and the moment between them faded away. Sara smiled at him before giving his hand a final squeeze, then slipped away from him and back into her bedroom.

Grissom watched her go, already missing her closeness. There would be trials to test her along the way and the next few months would bring them both to near breaking point, but now, it didn't scare him as much as it once would have.

The door bell rang again bringing him out of his musings, and he turned away from her vacated space to make his way towards the door where Nick was waiting. Life would return to somewhere near normal soon, he knew it, but until then, he would give her everything he had to give, because he loved her…

End


End file.
